"There's Nothing Perfect About It"

I took a trip last week to Colorado and I must say that I didn’t know Colorado had that much of nothing out there…almost as bad as driving from San Antonio to El Paso in Texas. Nonetheless, as I was driving back to my hotel in Colorado Springs, I had to pull over on the side of the road to stop and look at a breath-taking view of the sun going down just behind a small range of mountains. It was so nice I actually pulled over three times. Don’t worry, the road was so desolate, I could have stopped the car in the middle of the highway and still have no concerns with any traffic. Anyway, after I stopped the third time, I questioned myself as to why I continued to stop just to look at this scene…and that is when the words came out of my mouth…”There’s Nothing Perfect About It”. When I said these words, it completely threw me off because I knew at that point God was telling me something. There I was amazed at this sunset in the middle of nowhere that God had put together with different colors in the sky, all types of clouds streaming in all directions, trail traces of aircraft flying in the sky, and an uneven, jagged edged mountain range sitting off in the distance. Even though I said to myself “there’s nothing perfect about it”, it was beautiful…a beautiful creation by God.

Then He laid it on me. This is the same type of situation we have with a marriage. Like the errant clouds, the husband may think one way and the wife another way. Like the mountain range, everything won’t always be smooth within the marriage…it will have it’s ups and downs…mistakes will be made...your spouse may do something that to don't agree with. Throughout all of this, which clearly shows that marriage may not be perfect, it is still a beautiful creation by God and to God.

We as couples need to realize the beauty of our marriages despite the imperfections that may be included. It is these imperfections that God uses to create a masterpiece of work we call marriage. Just think about it, if you were to paint a picture with every line, shape, and color perfect, I honestly think the picture would be dull and uninteresting. Me being an artist, I know how little mistakes or mess-ups in pieces of art add character and make the artwork even more alluring to look at. That’s the beauty of marriage; while it may not be perfect, it is still beautiful.

As you go about your daily/weekly routine, take some quality time to look at your marriage. Look at all the different aspects of your marriage and your spouse. Look at the ups and downs that you have encountered over the years, and look at how you made it through those rough times. If you are going through tough times right now, have faith that you will make it out of this rough period in due time. All of these instances are the different parts of your marriage that have and will come to produce a beautiful masterpiece.

As always, please feel free to add any comments/insights that you may have.

Be blessed and talk to you later.

Letting Go of "Anger"

We are married. We won’t always agree. We are going to get angry at each other. How long are you going to be angry at me?

This is something that I always try to avoid if at all possible…anger within my household. Unfortunately, it is unavoidable. If someone has developed a solution on avoiding this, please share it with us. Being that husband and wife are almost guaranteed to get mad at each other, what must we do to ensure this anger does not last? I know the Bible says not to let the day end with anger on your heart (my interpretation of Ephesians 4:26), but is it not hard to let go when the person you are angry with is lying next to you? Honestly, I tend not to let my anger go into the next day. How? I normally pray, and pray hard, shortly after the anger has truly set in. Normally it may take a couple of hours for me to realize I need to pray about the situation. I normally realize this when I can’t concentrate on anything else I am suppose to be doing…especially when I am at work. By the time I lay my head down, I am good and I can wake up the next morning ready to give my wife a loving, honest kiss and move on with my day. I know I have only been married 3 years, but I hope this practice that I have will not change over the years to come.

There are some other motivations that help me let go of anger. I tend to ask myself, what if I don’t wake up the next morning? Would I want to leave my wife on a bad note? Or what if on my way to work, I am in an accident and God decides it’s my time to join Him…or I am injured where I can’t speak anymore? These are all possible things that very well could happen because we are not promised the next day. Then I think about what it is I am angry about and is it even worth the effort of being angry…especially for a long period of time. Now for some people anger may just be something that is a part of their life…as though they enjoy being angry. For those people, I don’t know what to say…I'll pray for you :)

I tend to think that time will keep ticking and time will be wasted with my spouse if we continue to stay angry at each other for days at a time. I know I am talking days of anger, but there may be couples out there working on months of anger with each other. I would say that you need to communicate with each other to determine what the heck the problem is that led to this long term anger. You want to determine this cause before anger becomes the cause of something else in your marriage to go astray (my interpretation of Ephesians 4:27). Once you determine the cause, learn from it…learn how to avoid or prevent the situation in the future so that the anger will not creep back into your marriage.

I know I am not getting deep into this subject...just want to scratch the surface. I hope this will cause some to start thinking about the small things as well as the big things that have caused anger to creep into your marriage. For those small things, don't let stubbornness keep you angry for no reason. Let it go and move on. For the big things, take the time to figure it out. Bring in another couple that you trust to serve as a mediator...someone you both can vent to and they won't be bias one way or another. Talking it out may be just the medicine needed to get past the situation.


Be blessed and talk to you later.

Overcoming "INFIDELITY"

This is a topic that I pray I never have to deal with. Unfortunately, there are many couples that have dealt with this, are dealing with this, and will deal with this in the future. I think this may be one of the top items on every couples’ list that would prompt them to start thinking/talking “I’M LEAVING!”. I know it would be on my mind if it occurred in my marriage. The question is, what steps can couples take to make it through this?

The following comments are my personal opinion. Being that I am not an expert on this, if you are in a situation involving infidelity, I would strongly recommend seeking marriage counseling with a marriage counselor (doctor, specialist, pastor, spiritual advisor, etc.) in your city or town that you live.

I am sure when infidelity occurs, there is major damage with “trust” in the relationship. While it may appear that this trust is gone and will never come back, I am a believer that this trust can be restored. How long this will take is dependent on the couple and the willingness/determination to make the marriage last. And I must say the couple’s faith in God will also determine how things go with the restoration.

Though painful, I feel it would be beneficial to understand why the infidelity occurred. With this, husband and wife must be brutally honest with each other…completely transparent with all feelings and thoughts. If this transparency does not occur, then true healing will not take place…the band-aid will be on, but the wound will still be open underneath. You need to come to an understanding of what feelings or activities caused this to happen; and then determine what steps need to be taken to ensure those feelings/activities never enter into your marriage again. In this understanding, you may uncover wounds/damage from the past…from previous relationships or even back to childhood or teenage years. It is very important to understand this.

Now for the person that committed the infidelity, if you want to save your marriage, I feel you must first “repent”…apologize to God for your actions and ask for His forgiveness. Your marriage is a covenant with God, and stepping outside of that covenant is basically cheating on God. Additionally, ask for the strength to forgive yourself. If you don’t forgive yourself, then you cannot expect anyone else to forgive you. It will be more bearable to move forward once you have forgiven yourself. Secondly, apologize to your spouse and ask for her forgiveness. I am almost sure you will have to do this more than once…and do not expect your spouse to forgive you immediately. Next, be prepared to tell your spouse everything that is asked of you. You have to build your spouse’s trust back up and being truthful is the only path you should take. Also, be open to counseling to help you with any negative issues taking place in your life that may be affecting your marriage. Please, please, please don’t let “pride” get in the way of this restoration process. Let your spouse be your help-mate in dealing with any issues going on in your life that may have led to the infidelity. This will assist in regaining your spouse’s trust and will help heal your marriage. With prayer, patience, and true humbleness, allow God to work.

For the person that was on the other end of the infidelity, go to God and ask for the strength to “forgive” and “trust again”. You must have forgiveness deep down in your heart. You may not know how to reach that forgiveness in your heart and that is where God comes in. Only He can help you to forgive your spouse and help you restore trust with your spouse. I know this won’t be easy…it may be one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do in your marriage. As I stated above to the other spouse, please don’t let “pride” get in the way. Yes you are the victim, but pride will hinder true healing and will lead you in the wrong direction. Be sure to let your spouse know your feelings and get them all out. Ask all questions to your spouse you have concerning the reasons which led to the infidelity. It is important that you know everything so that nothing is left uncovered. As stated above, I feel that counseling is a must…you need help to get through this. With prayer, patience, and true forgiveness in your heart, allow God to work.

I know this is and will be a lot harder than any words that can be stated on paper or online. If there is anyone that has gone through infidelity in your marriage and you and your spouse have overcome the event, please provide any insight on how you made it through. This is a big issue that occurs in many marriages and we need to know how to prevent it from leading to a destroyed marriage.

Be blessed and talk to you later.

Giving Thanks

Each year during the holiday Thanksgiving season, I think about all the things that I am thankful for...as I am sure everyone else does. In addition to being thankful for my wife, I also give thanks for family (immediate & extended) and friends. When you marry, you marry your spouse and marry into a new family and a new network of friends. I feel that I must be thankful for the healthy friendships that my wife has maintained that I am now a part of. These are relationships that have help to make my wife the person she is today and the person she is to me. Without her family and friends (old and new), I would not have the woman that I am married to. On the reverse side, I thank all of my family and friends (old and new) for helping, coaching, and encouraging me to be the man and husband I am today.


As you sit at that dinner table to dig in to all that food on Thanksgiving Day, be sure to give thanks to all who have made an impact on your life...and then enjoy some football :)


HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!


Be blessed and talk to you soon.

"Would you like to go to the movies or maybe dinner?"

I received an email from my cousin a couple of days ago and he mentioned that he and his wife went on a date this past weekend. That caught my attention because my wife and I also went on a date this past weekend...a movie and dinner. It was one of the few times that we get to spend alone time together. Why? Kids! While children are a true blessing, they are one of the many things that occupy our time and hinder couples from spending that needed alone time together. Other things that may hinder time together could be work, school, outside organizations, T.V., friends, family, and even church activities. It is very important to spend that time with your loved one...just the two of you. As my wife tells me...it's not a date if there are children with us.

What's the importance of it? It allows you to keep that initial spark that the two of you had when you first started dating. It allows you to appreciate your spouse all over again...to have fun, or at least I hope you have fun and you are not at each other's throats during the entire date. For me, it allows the opportunity to talk to my wife without any interruptions, and it forces us to communicate. I'm not saying that we don't communicate when we are home with the kids; but when you are at a table sitting across from each other, there is nothing between or on the side of you that will interrupt what you have to say to each other. It's almost like we are more at ease, calm, and open with each other when we are on a date...as though my wife's mind is clearly focused on me and what I have to say (she's not thinking about work or anything else). It goes the other way also. I am clearly focused on my wife and attentive to everything she says. It is a great getaway, because once back home, the distractions will be there and then I may only pay attention to 25% of what my wife is saying. Just kidding!

Now I must say that I don't ask my wife out on dates as much as I should. I am to blame for that, but when we do go out, I love it...whether it be for 2 hours for 4 hours, 2 or 5 times per month. My challenge is to include more dates into our relationship. It is very hard these days due to schedule, but where there is a will, there is a way. One idea that I have is to meet up for quick lunches during the week whenever possible. That alone is a great challenge. I know this may not pertain to those couples without children or the more seasoned couples that have all their children (grown) out of the house. My question to the seasoned couples is, what type of dates did you go on when your kids were younger and at home?...what other activities did you do together as a couple without the kids?

To all couples, how often do you go on dates?...twice a month?...10 times a month? What is the right number? I guess that depends on your family situation. The more children, less time...less children, more time. The key appears to be to make time regardless of your family situation. I think you run the risk of losing touch with each other if you don't spend this alone time with each other.

What are your thoughts?

Be blessed and talk to you later.

"What Do I See In My Spouse?"

Hmmm?...Is this a trick question?...What do I see in my Spouse?


As i pondered this question today, many thoughts popped into my head. My initial thought was "a beautiful, fine woman"...which is very true. But then I thought about the question again..."what do i see IN my spouse?". To truly answer this question, I have to look not only at the external attributes of my wife, but also look at the internal attributes as well...the mental, the spiritual, the heart. I am happy to say that in my spouse, I see a true woman with a lot of heart and passion for life, a passion to help people when they are in need, a compasionate person, and a woman with enough spunk to fill several 40 gallon drums. I also see a woman with dreams and I see the determination in her to make her dreams a reality. All of this from a city girl from Brooklyn, NY.


These are the items that truly matter the most to me when it comes to me loving my wife. I won't sit here and lie, the external attributes are important and I thank God for allowing me to find my wife. Hey, I am a man and like every other man in this world...we are a "visual" species. Nonetheless, as a man, I could not, cannot, and will not base the love for my wife on the external features I see. None of us should. There are no guarantees that the external features will last...matter of fact, it's only a matter of time before those external features fade away, or let me say that the external features will become "wise" (as we all get older in age). Even though the external features will change over time, the internal attributes within all of us can remain the same 40 or 50 years later in life. I feel this is the importance of knowing what you see IN your spouse and ensuring that you love what you see IN your spouse; so that when the two of you are 75 years old, you are still in love with each other just as much as when you were 30 years old. I know that my wife will still have the same vigor and spunkness for life when we are old and gray; and that will continue to drive my love for her.


"What do I see in my spouse?" is an evolving question. While you see some great things in your spouse right now, you may be seeing a small fraction of what's on the inside of your spouse. As years of love and enjoyment of each other go by, you will likely see more and more of the internal attributes that make up your spouse...some good and maybe some bad. Whatever it may be, the sharing of these attributes between the two of you is what will make your marriage stronger and more meaningful.

I sometimes look at my wife (she would say that I stare) and she always ask with her Brooklyn attitude "what are you looking at?". I kindly respond with a "nothing". Many times I am looking at her to see what I see in her; and I am not saying that in a negative way. I am trying to learn more about my wife; I guess I am studying her, searching for more information on how my wife ticks, trying to analyze her. I must say that my wife is a complex person, as I am sure we all are. It is my enjoyment in knowing that I will continue to learn more and see more in my wife as the years go by in our marriage. We should all take comfort in knowing that we will learn and see more in our spouse as the years go by, therefore keeping the excitement and interest in the marriage.


I anticipate that when my wife and I are in our 70's and I ask myself "what do i see in my spouse", the answer will be "I See Myself", because we will have grown into one unified being as a married couple.


Be blessed and talk to you later.

Marriage - What is it's Purpose?

This is a question that I think many husbands and wives ask themselves alot. I think this is a healthy question that you should always ask yourself. Another way of phrasing the question, as stated in Tyler Perry's blockbuster hit, "Why Did I Get Married?". Asking yourself this question gives you the opportunity to gauge your marriage...allows you to reevaluate your marriage...take the pulse of your marriage. Whenever I ask myself this question, I normally get some of the same answers everytime...companionship, love for the person, the want and desire to have a family (to be fruitful and multiply).

I feel the main purpose of marriage is for companionship. In the beginning, God stated that man should not be alone, and he create woman so that the man could have a companion. I know you might think sometimes that you could be better off being single (women say "I can do bad by myself") ...especially if you are a newlywed. But you must ask yourself, how would things be better if my spouse were not in my life? For me, I would be miserable...and I still consider myself a newlywed (+3 years of marriage). Whenever I have to travel out of town on business, I can't tell you the number of nights I sit in the hotel room wanting to be lying with my wife. Oh, and don't let her go out of town...I am at home wondering when is my baby coming back home. Even though we have two children to keep us occupied when the other is away, there is nothing like having my companion by my side.

I feel another key purpose of marriage is for the expression of love. I know you may be saying that you can love anyone or anything. This is true. You can love a lot of people and things...your parents, your children, a dog, a cat, a car, a house, or whatever else you choose to love. However, you cannot express the type of love that is meant for a spouse with any of the people or items mentioned above. In other words, you cannot be intimate with any of them...or at least I hope you aren't :) To me there is no greater feeling than being able to be intimate with my wife. While everything in a marriage may not be perfect, it is enjoyable. To me, marriage is a blessing that God gives my wife and I to enjoy each other, to express our love to each other in many ways specific only to the two of us (another future topic for discussion will be Love Languages).

All in all, I feel that the purpose of marriage is to bring happiness into two people's lives. As the Biblical scripture states "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure and receives favor from the Lord" -Proverbs 18:22. Marriage is a treasure hunt with your spouse being the treasure. Even though your treasure is sitting directly in front of you, you can only see or may have only been exposed to a small portion of your treasure. There is an enormous amount of treasure and riches waiting to be found within your spouse. You have to continue to look and search for those hidden treasures within your spouse. And each time you find a hidden treasure within your spouse, or even within yourself or your marriage, you will be amazed and your marriage will continue to grow. The thing I like about it, I anticipate that this treasure hunt in marriage will last forever...therefore causing neverending growth and love with your spouse...and for me, with my wife.

Be blessed and talk to you later.

Purpose of "Our Happy Marriage"

I would like to welcome you to my blog. The purpose of this blog is to educate, motivate, encourage, and inspire marriages around the world. In today's world, marriages are faced with many challenges...no communication, no intimacy, wide-spread adultery, and even divorce. I want to highlight the positives within marriage. While we all know that no one is perfect, and no marriage is perfect; we can all strive to have as close to a perfect marriage as possible.


As we start this communication journey together, I plan to discuss topics that weight heavy on my mind and heart; and I also would like to discuss items that you may have on your mind and heart. I want this to be an open forum that all can benefit from; regardless of your race, religion, age, or number of years of marriage. Please share your experiences and state how the good and bad experiences have made your marriage stronger. Your good or bad experience may be just the thing that someone else reading it needs to make it through...to make their marriage work. This is my purpose.


Please feel free to post comments on topics that you would like to discuss and we can add it to the topics listing for discussion. When posting your comments, if you would say what state or country you are from, it would be greatly appreciated.


Let's have some fun and let's show the world that we have strong marriages.


Talk to you soon!