Shooting Par

I guess I better explain what “par” is first before I proceed … just in case you don’t know golf terminology.  Par is considered to be the number of strokes a golfer is expected to need to complete an individual hole/all holes on the golf course.  I guess with the mentioning of “strokes” and “holes”, I should also let you know that this is not about sex.

What this is about is scoring a good game in your relationship.  Think of each game as a facet of your relationship.  This could range from communicating with your spouse, to helping out around the house, to showing appreciation to your spouse, and to showing/giving your spouse some extra lovin.  With each one of these games, it should be your goal to shoot “par” or better … meaning you are winning your spouse over in all facets of your relationship.

Now as far as my relationship is concerned, I think I am shooting “par” overall (still married). The good thing about shooting “par” for the game is that you can have a few bad holes, but then come back with some good holes to reach an overall “par” game or better.  My wife lets me know in a heartbeat when I am shooting a “bogey” (1 over par … not good) or even a “double bogey”. 

What are you shooting in your relationship?  Are you shooting all “bogeys” (not good), all “birdies” (very good), or a mixture of both that evens out to “par”?

Many relationships probably experience the mixture.  The key here is to make sure you are excelling more than you are failing.  I think your spouse will forget about those few “bogeys” if you are consistently scoring “pars” or “birdies” in the relationship.

Whatever your current situation is within your relationship, good or bad, you need to strive towards shooting “par”.  If you’re not shooting “par”, change up your swing and swing a different way.  In other words, mix up your routine within your relationship to see if you can change what hasn’t been working in the past.  Overall, you want to get the ball in the hole in the minimum amount of strokes.

And YES, this is applicable to both men and women!

Love hard and love true.

Let us know your thoughts.

C’MON MAN…Marriage Edition

What's going on in the world today with marriages?  Have you been hearing what's going on?  Have you been seeing what's going on?  Have you been feeling what's going on?  It's on T.V.  It's on the radio, in magazines, in newspapers.  It's the apparent infatuation with "let's watch them get married and get a divorce" scenario being played over and over in today's society.  C'MON MAN!

When did it become the cool thing to date, get married, and then divorce all within a 1 year timespan...or less?  Maybe the couples going through this scenario don't think it's cool.  Maybe it's a case of them just not knowing what marriage is.  Maybe they're just caught in the revolving door of what they see around them and what they see depicted in society or in the media.  Maybe they don't know any better?  C'MON MAN!

Why are you getting married?  For acceptance?  For social status?  For money (internal & external)?  To be able to say you're finally married now?  C'MON MAN!

I know we're all human and we've been given the gift of "choice" to freely make our own decisions.  With that freedom, we must choose wisely and sanely when it comes to settling down with someone and say "I DO".

To those of you who are married, stay married!  Put in the work required to ensure your marriage prospers and last.  Be "all in"...and make sure both husband and wife are "all in" together.

To those of you looking to get married, don't approach it as a project.  Approach marriage as it being the most important life-lasting decision you will ever make.  Life-lasting = till you die.  You marry your spouse with the understanding and wisdom that you will be with this person until one or the other dies.

So C'MON MAN, let's get serious about this thing called marriage. 

Honor it...respect it...love it.

Love hard and love true.

C Wells

LOOK Like You Want It

What did you do when you first laid eyes on your spouse? For the women, you probably just played it off as though you didn’t see him. For the men, you probably looked and continued to look until you got some type of return look from her. To this day my wife claims she caught me looking at her butt in church…saying that she could feel some eyes burning into her backside. Well…

How did you look at your spouse on your wedding day as you both stood looking into each other’s eyes? Was it a look of “I’m ready to tear your clothes off rite now” or maybe “I’m ready to start this loving journey with you and no one else”? Regardless of the meaning behind the look, I’m sure it was a look of “want” and “need” of the other person. It was a look to get your spouse’s attention…to let them know that they mean something to you.

As couples, we must continually show that we want and desire each other by looking at them in a manner that says “you are the love of my life and I want you”. Regardless of whether your spouse needs these consistent looks, it will let them know subconsciously that my spouse wants me.

What are the pros for giving “THE LOOK”?

1.Pro: Your spouse will know you desire them
2.Pro: Your spouse will have alluring thoughts of you being a promiscuous lover…which in my eyes is always a good thing in a relationship

What are the cons for not giving “THE LOOK”?

1.Con: There is no physical interest being shown to your spouse
2.Con: Due to lack of physical interest being shown, someone else might catch your spouse’s eye when they realize someone is checking them out

The 2nd Con is the last thing that any relationship needs entering it. You have to do what you have to do and make sure your spouse feels the needed desire.

So the next time you see your spouse, look at them like they are the only other person on the planet with you and you just found them after 1 year of searching the earth. See what the reaction is to “THE LOOK”.

Let us know your thoughts.

What 7 Year Itch?

There is a saying out there that every marriage goes through a 7 year itch during the 7th year of marriage. I have always wondered what is the “itch” that some people supposedly encounter during this time. Is it an itch to be with someone else romantically? Is it an itch to have companionship with someone else? Is it an itch of being tired of looking at that same face every day and every night over the past 7 years? Or is it just a myth?

I always wondered if I was going to have a 7 year itch and if I were to have one, what was it going to be. Was I going to fall into some type of trance which would lead me off in a path of destruction to my marriage? Or would I sail through the 7 year mark unscathed of any negative traps that supposedly arise during this critical year of marriage?

I had to dig a little deeper into this one; so I asked my wife directly what she thought about the 7 year itch. She threw something at me that made complete sense. She stated that the 7 year itch doesn’t necessarily have to involve actions or feelings external of a marriage. It could simply be the need for internal adjustments within the marriage. Let me explain. By now, a married couple should know each other very well. With that, many monthly, weekly, and even daily activities run like clockwork…especially if you have kids which require some form of standardization with daily routines. Unfortunately, when something is done over and over and over again, you now have a recurring cycle. Eventually portions of that recurring cycle may honestly get boring.

What’s the catch here? The catch is that you have to catch this situation before it gets out of hand and before the marriage falls into a boring lapse of stagnation. If left unnoticed, that internal need for adjustment could potentially lead down the wrong path…the opening of the front door leading to the outside.

Well, my wife and I made it to our 7th year of marriage this year and we are supposedly now in that critical year of our life together. I can honestly say that no thoughts have come over me to leave my wife or step out on my wife or do anything that will dishonor my wife or marriage. Now with that being said, we consistently realize that we must keep things interesting in our marriage…keeping the surprises coming at each other…while at the same time maintaining the consistent scheduling of 3 kids. Is everything perfect? Heck no. But are we working towards perfection? I like to think that we are trying :)

All in all, I would say there is a 7 year itch only if you create it. My suggestion…don’t create it. Love your spouse in as many different ways possible…keeping things interesting and exciting.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed,
C Wells

Is It "Air Tight"?

As I was traveling back from Mississippi to Atlanta this past weekend on I-20, I ran up on the back end of a heavy rain storm…and the rain was coming down to the point of only 30 to 40 yards of visibility sitting in front of me. As I traveled along listening to some old school Lauryn Hill, I felt a big drop of water hit my left arm by the door. First thing to pop into my head was “What the ….?” ( I thought it…didn’t say it). I immediately started feeling around the top seal of the window and door checking for a gap, or an opening, or even a wet spot to determine where the water came from. I even checked over my head around the sunroof. I found nothing. I pressed the window button (close) to see if I could hear some movement in the window to confirm the window was cracked a little…there was no movement. It appeared that all windows and sunroof were closed completely. At that point, I asked myself, “How did that drop of water get in the truck?”. At that moment, God schooled me on something.

There I was in my vehicle with all the windows closed. The many raindrops were hitting the vehicle as though they were trying to get inside the vehicle to consume me, but the vehicle was protecting me from the raindrops. Then the relationship with my wife and family popped into my head. There are so many negative items that try to attack us each day, whether spiritual, mental, or physical. With so many negative things of the world attacking relationships these days, we must have something/someone to protect us so that our marriages are not infiltrated. For me, I realize that protector is God. He is that vehicle that you can comfortably sit in and be protected from everything that is trying to get at/in your relationship with your spouse.

Ask yourself what negative activities/people/feelings are trying to plant themselves in your marriage. Once you identify them, ask for God’s protection against them for your relationship. I find that He is the best option leading to an “Air Tight” relationship. Note that I said “leading to” in that statement. While God is perfect, we as humans are not. Therefore, there is no guarantee that a “raindrop” won’t fall on your marriage; but with God’s protection from all the other “raindrops”, you can easily wipe those few negative “raindrops” off and enjoy the positive aspects of marriage with your spouse.

Just remember, God is your best option to ensure you have an “Air Tight” marriage. Use Him!

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone

"What Do I See In My Spouse?"

Hmmm?...Is this a trick question?...What do I see in my Spouse?


As i pondered this question today, many thoughts popped into my head. My initial thought was "a beautiful, fine woman"...which is very true. But then I thought about the question again..."what do i see IN my spouse?". To truly answer this question, I have to look not only at the external attributes of my wife, but also look at the internal attributes as well...the mental, the spiritual, the heart. I am happy to say that in my spouse, I see a true woman with a lot of heart and passion for life, a passion to help people when they are in need, a compasionate person, and a woman with enough spunk to fill several 40 gallon drums. I also see a woman with dreams and I see the determination in her to make her dreams a reality. All of this from a city girl from Brooklyn, NY.


These are the items that truly matter the most to me when it comes to me loving my wife. I won't sit here and lie, the external attributes are important and I thank God for allowing me to find my wife. Hey, I am a man and like every other man in this world...we are a "visual" species. Nonetheless, as a man, I could not, cannot, and will not base the love for my wife on the external features I see. None of us should. There are no guarantees that the external features will last...matter of fact, it's only a matter of time before those external features fade away, or let me say that the external features will become "wise" (as we all get older in age). Even though the external features will change over time, the internal attributes within all of us can remain the same 40 or 50 years later in life. I feel this is the importance of knowing what you see IN your spouse and ensuring that you love what you see IN your spouse; so that when the two of you are 75 years old, you are still in love with each other just as much as when you were 30 years old. I know that my wife will still have the same vigor and spunkness for life when we are old and gray; and that will continue to drive my love for her.


"What do I see in my spouse?" is an evolving question. While you see some great things in your spouse right now, you may be seeing a small fraction of what's on the inside of your spouse. As years of love and enjoyment of each other go by, you will likely see more and more of the internal attributes that make up your spouse...some good and maybe some bad. Whatever it may be, the sharing of these attributes between the two of you is what will make your marriage stronger and more meaningful.

I sometimes look at my wife (she would say that I stare) and she always ask with her Brooklyn attitude "what are you looking at?". I kindly respond with a "nothing". Many times I am looking at her to see what I see in her; and I am not saying that in a negative way. I am trying to learn more about my wife; I guess I am studying her, searching for more information on how my wife ticks, trying to analyze her. I must say that my wife is a complex person, as I am sure we all are. It is my enjoyment in knowing that I will continue to learn more and see more in my wife as the years go by in our marriage. We should all take comfort in knowing that we will learn and see more in our spouse as the years go by, therefore keeping the excitement and interest in the marriage.


I anticipate that when my wife and I are in our 70's and I ask myself "what do i see in my spouse", the answer will be "I See Myself", because we will have grown into one unified being as a married couple.


Be blessed and talk to you later.