Shooting Par

I guess I better explain what “par” is first before I proceed … just in case you don’t know golf terminology.  Par is considered to be the number of strokes a golfer is expected to need to complete an individual hole/all holes on the golf course.  I guess with the mentioning of “strokes” and “holes”, I should also let you know that this is not about sex.

What this is about is scoring a good game in your relationship.  Think of each game as a facet of your relationship.  This could range from communicating with your spouse, to helping out around the house, to showing appreciation to your spouse, and to showing/giving your spouse some extra lovin.  With each one of these games, it should be your goal to shoot “par” or better … meaning you are winning your spouse over in all facets of your relationship.

Now as far as my relationship is concerned, I think I am shooting “par” overall (still married). The good thing about shooting “par” for the game is that you can have a few bad holes, but then come back with some good holes to reach an overall “par” game or better.  My wife lets me know in a heartbeat when I am shooting a “bogey” (1 over par … not good) or even a “double bogey”. 

What are you shooting in your relationship?  Are you shooting all “bogeys” (not good), all “birdies” (very good), or a mixture of both that evens out to “par”?

Many relationships probably experience the mixture.  The key here is to make sure you are excelling more than you are failing.  I think your spouse will forget about those few “bogeys” if you are consistently scoring “pars” or “birdies” in the relationship.

Whatever your current situation is within your relationship, good or bad, you need to strive towards shooting “par”.  If you’re not shooting “par”, change up your swing and swing a different way.  In other words, mix up your routine within your relationship to see if you can change what hasn’t been working in the past.  Overall, you want to get the ball in the hole in the minimum amount of strokes.

And YES, this is applicable to both men and women!

Love hard and love true.

Let us know your thoughts.

C’MON MAN…Marriage Edition

What's going on in the world today with marriages?  Have you been hearing what's going on?  Have you been seeing what's going on?  Have you been feeling what's going on?  It's on T.V.  It's on the radio, in magazines, in newspapers.  It's the apparent infatuation with "let's watch them get married and get a divorce" scenario being played over and over in today's society.  C'MON MAN!

When did it become the cool thing to date, get married, and then divorce all within a 1 year timespan...or less?  Maybe the couples going through this scenario don't think it's cool.  Maybe it's a case of them just not knowing what marriage is.  Maybe they're just caught in the revolving door of what they see around them and what they see depicted in society or in the media.  Maybe they don't know any better?  C'MON MAN!

Why are you getting married?  For acceptance?  For social status?  For money (internal & external)?  To be able to say you're finally married now?  C'MON MAN!

I know we're all human and we've been given the gift of "choice" to freely make our own decisions.  With that freedom, we must choose wisely and sanely when it comes to settling down with someone and say "I DO".

To those of you who are married, stay married!  Put in the work required to ensure your marriage prospers and last.  Be "all in"...and make sure both husband and wife are "all in" together.

To those of you looking to get married, don't approach it as a project.  Approach marriage as it being the most important life-lasting decision you will ever make.  Life-lasting = till you die.  You marry your spouse with the understanding and wisdom that you will be with this person until one or the other dies.

So C'MON MAN, let's get serious about this thing called marriage. 

Honor it...respect it...love it.

Love hard and love true.

C Wells

All Talk…No Action?

I got a little taste of my own medicine with this one.  How often do you say you are going to do something and end up not doing it?  It is probably quite often and you don’t even realize it occurs.  Think about it like this, once you say I’m going to wash the dishes or wash the car, if you don’t do it right at that moment, you may forget to do it.  Or you may push off doing it at another time or another day.

Now let’s bring it even closer to home.  How many times have you said you were going to do that special thing for your spouse and ended up not doing it? … not even coming close to doing it.  What’s the reasoning?  Do you purposefully not do it?  I would hope not.  While you have great intentions to do what you said you would do, you just might forget.  Many times this may lead to your significant other getting extremely pissed.

What’s the potential solution to correct this?  If it comes down to it, you may have to start writing it down.  This will allow you to take action on your words and get away from that forgetful mode that we sometimes seem to fall into.

Let me share with you something that I recently did with my wife.  Over 7 years ago, I stood before my wife and recited my vows to her.  Guess what?  I didn’t write them down.  Shortly after our 7^th year of marriage, I decided to write down my vows to my wife.  I wrote them down, typed them out, and then presented them to my wife to ensure we both understood what I am vowing to her.

What has this done for me?  This has given me a tangible document of my words that I can use to make sure I am doing the things I told my wife I will do.  Because I printed the vows out, which now reside in a frame in our bedroom, I can revisit them at any time to review what I promised I would do as a husband.  There’s no need for talking a good game now … I have to take action now. 

While this was something I specifically did in regards to reestablishing my vows to my wife, this same exercise can be done with any portion of your relationship with your spouse.  It can be done for daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly activities.  So go ahead and start writing your words down.  Once you see it on paper, you will be more inclined to take action and get it done.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

Don't Let YOU Open The Door

Ok you're married. Is everything perfect? No. Will things ever be perfect? While you wish they could be, they probably won't be.

The reality is that marriages will always have negative forces coming against it...knocking at the door hoping to come in. Sometimes you can see that negative force approaching the door of your marriage well in advance. However, there may be times when that negative force sneaks up to your marriage door and camps out...waiting for the opportunity to sneak in. I said sneak in, but here's the truth of the matter...it can't sneak in. The only way that negative force can come into your marriage is if you open the door and let it in.

Now let me define what I mean when I say negative force. Negative force is any thing, any person, any thought, any behavior, or any substance that can severely damage or destroy a marriage. The things that fall into these categories are all around and will always be present in the world we live in. A very good book that I am reading mentions that these negative things are always trying to tempt marriages into doing something out of line of the marriage covenant. However, we have a choice in determining if we let these negative things enter our marriage.

Yes, we have a choice...everything we do is based on a choice we make. If you are not communicating properly with your spouse, you are choosing to do so. If you are not loving your spouse the way they should be loved, you are choosing to do so. If you are physically, verbally, or mentally abusing you spouse, you are choosing to do so. If you are doing things not within the realms of your marriage covenant, you are choosing to do so.

If none of these things are present in your marriage, great! Keep it that way by ensuring you have a great rapport with your spouse (talk about everything), love your spouse the way they want to be loved (service, gifts, affection, acknowledgement, time), treat your spouse like the queen or king they are, and don't look for anything or anybody outside of your spouse...everything needs to be fulfilled by and with your spouse.

It must be a team effort to ensure the negative forces don't come in. You have to check all aspects of yourself to make sure YOU're not doing something to crack the door of your marriage which could allow those negative things to enter in. You must remember that all it takes is a crack...that's all the negative force needs. Do what you have to do to ensure your marriage is protected. It's your choice!

KEY TAKEAWAY: Don't let YOU open the door.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

3 Extras for V-Day...NO MONEY DOWN

It's that time of year when you see red everywhere...V-Day aka Valentine's Day. Many have already looked in their bank accounts to see how much money they have to spend on their mate. Some have decided to go big, while others will go lite simply with the card and flowers. And let me say that there is nothing wrong with either...especially coming from the heart.

Now what if you could throw in some extra gifts for free that would truly set things off. Now please notice I said "EXTRA". Don't think I'm trying to say not to buy your mate a gift...unless you know he or she will be okay with that (your judgment call). Here are a few gifts you can give that should cost you only time and some thought.

1. A Love Prayer. Take a few minutes to bow your head with your mate and pray. Make the prayer all about love...love for your mate, love for your relationship, love for your family. Make it all about the two of you and what you share as a couple.

2. A Love Letter. For those that are not comfortable praying aloud, this may be a fit for you. Now I know you can write. Even if you go back to the roses are red and violets are blue, make the rest of it your own. Note: Do NOT type the letter...use a pen and paper.

3. Sex. This is to the women. While men would love to get this every day from wives, there are several days of the year that sex is truly on our list of to-do's. This is one of them. Put the kids to bed early so they are in a deep sleep and close the doors. Then go ahead and make the man in your life happy on this day. That's probably all he wants (no card needed).

There you have it. 3 simple items that hopefully are easy for you to do with your mate. Enjoy the moment...enjoy the atmosphere...enjoy each other.

Look out for more "love made easy" tips in the future.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

Do You Know How To Talk?

When you read the title of this discussion, I know most of you said, "Of course I know how to talk". And I bet many of you can talk with the best of them...probably talking too much. Now let me add three more words to this same question.

Do you know how to talk to your spouse?

Now if you are a prideful person, you may immediately say "YES". For everyone else, this question should cause you to pause, think for a second, and then ask "Do I really know how to talk to my spouse effectively?". I am going to go out on a limb and say that if you are asking yourself this question, you are on the "I want to have a healthy marriage" path. And double this if your spouse is asking this same question.

You should consider being able to speak to your spouse appropriately and effectively as a form of art. You can create a masterpiece of communication, or you can create a mess that neither of you wants to look at. The way you communicate with your spouse should be in a manner they best receive it. To do this, it is a must that you know your spouse... know their mannerisms... know their likes and dislikes ... recognize and understand how your spouse communicates with you ... and even know you spouse's family history (how was he or she raised). With all these factors, you should be able to discern the best way to communicate.

I think many people make the mistake of communicating with their spouse the way they themselves want to be communicated to. BIG mistake. Your spouse is not you. Your spouse does not have the same personality as you ... your spouse did not grow up in your home ... your spouse may not have the same cultural background as you do. You can go on and on identifying ways that make your spouse different than you. The important thing to know is that your spouse has his or her own way they communicate. Find out what it is and adjust your delivery.

Your marriage can get stronger and stronger when you start to master this thing called "communicating effectively". It's also probably one of the toughest things to get good at, let alone master, in your marriage. Just think about it. If you master communicating with your spouse, there will be nothing that you can't accomplish together ... no trial that you can't get through.

If you and your spouse are not talking to each other right now (effectively), take a step back and evaluate yourself first. Do I talk too loud? ... Too soft? ... Too harsh? ... Too calmly? ... Too direct? ... Too bland? Be sure to use the right mix for the appropriate conversation. Your outgoing communication style has to be catered for your spouse ... not you. On the flip side, let your spouse know how you want to be communicated to. Open up your paths for great communication.

Do you know how to talk to your spouse? YES ... and you are getting better.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

The SAFE ... My Security

As I am sure all of you know, being married always has its ups and downs. The challenge is to always have more ups than downs. This most definitely gives you a better chance at having a long lasting marriage. One of the "ups" that should always be present is that of security.

Now the discussion of security within marriage can be dissected into many different areas ... all depending on the point of view you are taking. For our discussion today, I want to look at it from two perspectives ... female view and male view.

On the female side of this, security is all about physical safety ... safety of the body, safety of the family, safety of the home. When a woman marries a man, there is an assurance that the husband is there and will be there to protect. He will be there to stand up against anything or anyone that threatens his wife. If for some reason the husband is not there (figuratively) to protect his wife, the comfort of security a wife needs can be severely damaged.

Guys, this is why we can't half-step when we say "I DO". I don't want to take this into a deep religious discussion, but the Man upstairs is entrusting us to be the "head of household", the "protector of family", the "security blanket" for your wife. Step up and be "THE SAFE" you are called to be.

Now ladies, we husbands need you to be our SAFE also. What do we need protected? Our inner most thoughts and feelings ... our dreams. You all know that we are not the best communicators when it comes to expressing our feelings. So the little we do shed out to you, please protect this information. Please respect this information. Please don't discount this information. If for some reason the wife chooses to de-value our thoughts/feelings/dreams, you can potentially say goodbye to the husband confiding in the wife about certain things. There is the potential the husband will look for another confidant to run his thoughts/feelings/dreams by. Not the route we want things to go.

So ladies, receive the words from your husbands with patience, understanding, and love. Be "THE SAFE" so that he feels secure to tell you any and everything that's on his mind.

Remember, the most secure place is a safe. Be "THE SAFE".

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.