I Wonder Are They Married?

So often in today’s society, many couples are choosing to be cohabitants without having the bond of holy matrimony associated with them. In other cases, some married couples are choosing not to wear their wedding rings for one reason or another. I’m not done yet. Some married couples’ interaction with each other, both in public and private settings, cause many to ask… “I wonder are they married?”.

When God brought Adam and Eve together, I am pretty sure they knew they were joined in a union and I bet all the animals knew it also. I can assume they spent a lot of time together and their love for each other showed. As married couples, we need to act like Adam and Eve. We need to be on and around each other (with your spouse) like we are the only two people on earth…joined at the hip physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Why these three areas? Well with the physical part, you need to show your spouse that you love his or her presence close to you…you love the touch, the hold, the kiss, the love. Emotionally, you want to let your spouse know that you feel the happiness or pain that he or she may encounter on a daily basis...you are going through life with them experiencing the ups and downs…you are laughing with them and also crying with them. On the spiritual side, this is the glue that keeps things together. You must be joined here. Even when the other two areas (physical & emotional) are a little shaky, it is your spiritual connection that will keep you together.

Now when you are on point with all three of these areas, I can’t imagine anyone looking at the two of you wondering if you are married. As couples joined in holy matrimony, it is our responsibility to show the world what it means to be married. Show how we enjoy each other and then turn around and show how we make it through the toughest situations in life together.

We need to be a beacon! Shining so that other couples will see and understand that marriage can work with work in your marriage. As we approach 2012, let’s get ready to shine our marriages to the world more than we did in 2011.

So when someone looks at my wife and I and ask the question…”I wonder are they married?”; they will look again and simply say…”Oh yeah, they’re married!”.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

The Plants...Part 2

In “The Plants…Part 1”, I spoke about how it’s important to get rid of the dead leaves in your marriage. This will give your marriage more room to grow in the areas where the “dead leaves” once occupied.

Now there is another interesting situation with house plants that marriages can take notes on. Once the “new leaves” in your potted plant have grown out, what happens when there is no more room in the pot for additional growth? Absolutely nothing happens because there is no room for anything else to grow. That’s where repotting comes in. You have to enlarge the pot so the plant has the additional room to grow larger and produce even more leaves.

In your marriage, you have to analyze your situation with your spouse to determine if you are limiting the growth of your marriage. Maybe you need to repot your marriage in a larger pot.

How do you repot your marriage? The sky is the limit. Maybe you introduce a new activity into your marriage for you and your spouse to do. Maybe you completely switch chores with your spouse. I will never forget when my wife came to me and stated that she was going to cut the grass. Now let me paint the picture here...

My wife is from NYC where grass appears to be limited only to Central Park. Additionally, there have been only a few times when her shoes have been in the grass for more than 5 minutes. Now you can imagine my surprise when she said “Babe, I’m going to cut the grass” and then actually started cutting the grass. Notice I said “started”. She did do most of it and has not touched the lawnmower since that historic day.

Now what did that do for me? It expanded my appreciation for my wife. It also made me think of identifying things that I can do that she normally does. I would like to think that I came up with something but don’t remember (smile).

When it comes to repotting your marriage, you have to expand your heart, expand your love, and expand your mind to consider any and all future possibilities…possibilities to do different things and go different places.

Just be sure to give your marriage the room it needs to grow.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

80 Year Old Love

Trips in the middle of nowhere will show you some of the most interesting things. Early this year, I was on a business trip in Plainville, CT. Yep…a very small city somewhere on the outskirts of Hartford, CT. Upon arriving into the town, I immediately checked into the hotel and headed to a seafood restaurant I read about in the town (the food was awesome and they gave huge portions).

While at this restaurant, I noticed there were a lot of seasoned couples there. And when I say seasoned, I mean 80 to 90 years old seasoned. Seasoned to where it took some of them all of several minutes to walk from their table to the front door as they were leaving. Regardless of how long it took them, it was great seeing these couples enjoying themselves for an evening out on the town. To see the patience they had with each other was humbling. I could only sit there and imagine all the memories they have experienced with each other over the years.

I then began to picture my life with my spouse at the age of +80 years. I wondered what we will look like. I wondered how fast will we glide across the floor of the restaurant at that age. Just picturing that future gave and continues to give me encouragement to make sure my wife and I continue to love each other in ways that will give us the best chance at making our marriage last well into our 80s.

Visualizing your marriage in the future is a great roadmap you can use to chart your marital path. Yes it is a long path when you’re looking 40 to 50 years down the road, but it gives you a long term goal to shoot for…wrinkles and all.

Love hard and love true.
C Wells

The Plants…Part 1

My Mom came to visit about a month ago and you know what Moms like to do when they come visit…find things to clean or straighten up, or correct minor things they feel could be better…without stepping on anyone’s toes (especially the wife’s toes). During her visit, one specific area she felt she could improve was the maintenance of a couple of our house plants. You see, I have had these two plants for about 9 years (yep, they’re still hangin in there). Some of the leaves tend to die off while new ones come in, and unfortunately I don’t always pull the dead leaves out to ensure the new leaves have the proper room to grow. Well, my mom took the time to pull out and cut all the dead leaves; giving the plants more freedom to produce new leaves and it gave both plants a much better appearance.


In marriage, there are a lot of different things, like the dead plant leaves, that occupy space and time that hinder a marriage from growing. And guess what? We are all too busy/not concerned enough to pull and cut those things out of our marriage. Like the dead leaves, these items can have a huge impact on your marriage if they are just left there to occupy critical space and time.

What are these things…these dead leaves that sit untouched in your marriage? It could be anything. Maybe it’s a long lasting disagreement you and your spouse had about something that was never fully resolved. Maybe it’s a financial situation you are in that you both choose to ignore. It could be anything that has the potential to cause a riff in your marriage. Whatever it is, if left untouched, it will continue to occupy valuable space in your marriage…taking up an area that is eagerly waiting to experience something new that will enhance the look and growth of your marriage.

Just as my mom did, you need to take the time out of your busy schedules to focus on pulling & cutting the dead leaves in your marriage. As you do this, sit back and watch the new leaves grow into your marriage.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

C Wells

Love The One You Love

Relationships are tough. Sometimes they are so tough you just want to throw in the tile. But you know, that may not be the right choice. So what do you do then?

Maybe since I’m miserable, I might as well make it miserable for everyone around me also. Yeah, I know, this is my spouse and I shouldn’t try to make a tough situation even worse by dogging out my spouse or just trying to do things to make my spouse feel bad. Hold up! Is it not my spouse that got us in this mess? Since my spouse is the closest person to me each day, doesn’t it make sense to take whatever frustration I have out on my spouse? Look, I’m not talking about any type of physical abuse. I just want to see or feel my spouse feeling bad or be in a bad mood because I’m in a bad mood. We both need to share in this pain. You feel me?

Ok, I’m back. I had to get that out to show just how ridiculous it is to treat the one you love like you despise him or her. No matter what type of situation you may be going through in your relationship, please remember that you love the person sitting on the other side of the relationship. Because of that, you need to love the one you love. If the two of you truly love each other, it is going to be that love that gets you through the tough times you will face in your life and in your relationship. Learn to lean on each other through the situations so that your love can mature. This maturity will allow you to always love the one you love no matter what your relationship is faced with.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

C Wells

LOOK Like You Want It

What did you do when you first laid eyes on your spouse? For the women, you probably just played it off as though you didn’t see him. For the men, you probably looked and continued to look until you got some type of return look from her. To this day my wife claims she caught me looking at her butt in church…saying that she could feel some eyes burning into her backside. Well…

How did you look at your spouse on your wedding day as you both stood looking into each other’s eyes? Was it a look of “I’m ready to tear your clothes off rite now” or maybe “I’m ready to start this loving journey with you and no one else”? Regardless of the meaning behind the look, I’m sure it was a look of “want” and “need” of the other person. It was a look to get your spouse’s attention…to let them know that they mean something to you.

As couples, we must continually show that we want and desire each other by looking at them in a manner that says “you are the love of my life and I want you”. Regardless of whether your spouse needs these consistent looks, it will let them know subconsciously that my spouse wants me.

What are the pros for giving “THE LOOK”?

1.Pro: Your spouse will know you desire them
2.Pro: Your spouse will have alluring thoughts of you being a promiscuous lover…which in my eyes is always a good thing in a relationship

What are the cons for not giving “THE LOOK”?

1.Con: There is no physical interest being shown to your spouse
2.Con: Due to lack of physical interest being shown, someone else might catch your spouse’s eye when they realize someone is checking them out

The 2nd Con is the last thing that any relationship needs entering it. You have to do what you have to do and make sure your spouse feels the needed desire.

So the next time you see your spouse, look at them like they are the only other person on the planet with you and you just found them after 1 year of searching the earth. See what the reaction is to “THE LOOK”.

Let us know your thoughts.

What 7 Year Itch?

There is a saying out there that every marriage goes through a 7 year itch during the 7th year of marriage. I have always wondered what is the “itch” that some people supposedly encounter during this time. Is it an itch to be with someone else romantically? Is it an itch to have companionship with someone else? Is it an itch of being tired of looking at that same face every day and every night over the past 7 years? Or is it just a myth?

I always wondered if I was going to have a 7 year itch and if I were to have one, what was it going to be. Was I going to fall into some type of trance which would lead me off in a path of destruction to my marriage? Or would I sail through the 7 year mark unscathed of any negative traps that supposedly arise during this critical year of marriage?

I had to dig a little deeper into this one; so I asked my wife directly what she thought about the 7 year itch. She threw something at me that made complete sense. She stated that the 7 year itch doesn’t necessarily have to involve actions or feelings external of a marriage. It could simply be the need for internal adjustments within the marriage. Let me explain. By now, a married couple should know each other very well. With that, many monthly, weekly, and even daily activities run like clockwork…especially if you have kids which require some form of standardization with daily routines. Unfortunately, when something is done over and over and over again, you now have a recurring cycle. Eventually portions of that recurring cycle may honestly get boring.

What’s the catch here? The catch is that you have to catch this situation before it gets out of hand and before the marriage falls into a boring lapse of stagnation. If left unnoticed, that internal need for adjustment could potentially lead down the wrong path…the opening of the front door leading to the outside.

Well, my wife and I made it to our 7th year of marriage this year and we are supposedly now in that critical year of our life together. I can honestly say that no thoughts have come over me to leave my wife or step out on my wife or do anything that will dishonor my wife or marriage. Now with that being said, we consistently realize that we must keep things interesting in our marriage…keeping the surprises coming at each other…while at the same time maintaining the consistent scheduling of 3 kids. Is everything perfect? Heck no. But are we working towards perfection? I like to think that we are trying :)

All in all, I would say there is a 7 year itch only if you create it. My suggestion…don’t create it. Love your spouse in as many different ways possible…keeping things interesting and exciting.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed,
C Wells