C’MON MAN…Marriage Edition

What's going on in the world today with marriages?  Have you been hearing what's going on?  Have you been seeing what's going on?  Have you been feeling what's going on?  It's on T.V.  It's on the radio, in magazines, in newspapers.  It's the apparent infatuation with "let's watch them get married and get a divorce" scenario being played over and over in today's society.  C'MON MAN!

When did it become the cool thing to date, get married, and then divorce all within a 1 year timespan...or less?  Maybe the couples going through this scenario don't think it's cool.  Maybe it's a case of them just not knowing what marriage is.  Maybe they're just caught in the revolving door of what they see around them and what they see depicted in society or in the media.  Maybe they don't know any better?  C'MON MAN!

Why are you getting married?  For acceptance?  For social status?  For money (internal & external)?  To be able to say you're finally married now?  C'MON MAN!

I know we're all human and we've been given the gift of "choice" to freely make our own decisions.  With that freedom, we must choose wisely and sanely when it comes to settling down with someone and say "I DO".

To those of you who are married, stay married!  Put in the work required to ensure your marriage prospers and last.  Be "all in"...and make sure both husband and wife are "all in" together.

To those of you looking to get married, don't approach it as a project.  Approach marriage as it being the most important life-lasting decision you will ever make.  Life-lasting = till you die.  You marry your spouse with the understanding and wisdom that you will be with this person until one or the other dies.

So C'MON MAN, let's get serious about this thing called marriage. 

Honor it...respect it...love it.

Love hard and love true.

C Wells

All Talk…No Action?

I got a little taste of my own medicine with this one.  How often do you say you are going to do something and end up not doing it?  It is probably quite often and you don’t even realize it occurs.  Think about it like this, once you say I’m going to wash the dishes or wash the car, if you don’t do it right at that moment, you may forget to do it.  Or you may push off doing it at another time or another day.

Now let’s bring it even closer to home.  How many times have you said you were going to do that special thing for your spouse and ended up not doing it? … not even coming close to doing it.  What’s the reasoning?  Do you purposefully not do it?  I would hope not.  While you have great intentions to do what you said you would do, you just might forget.  Many times this may lead to your significant other getting extremely pissed.

What’s the potential solution to correct this?  If it comes down to it, you may have to start writing it down.  This will allow you to take action on your words and get away from that forgetful mode that we sometimes seem to fall into.

Let me share with you something that I recently did with my wife.  Over 7 years ago, I stood before my wife and recited my vows to her.  Guess what?  I didn’t write them down.  Shortly after our 7^th year of marriage, I decided to write down my vows to my wife.  I wrote them down, typed them out, and then presented them to my wife to ensure we both understood what I am vowing to her.

What has this done for me?  This has given me a tangible document of my words that I can use to make sure I am doing the things I told my wife I will do.  Because I printed the vows out, which now reside in a frame in our bedroom, I can revisit them at any time to review what I promised I would do as a husband.  There’s no need for talking a good game now … I have to take action now. 

While this was something I specifically did in regards to reestablishing my vows to my wife, this same exercise can be done with any portion of your relationship with your spouse.  It can be done for daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly activities.  So go ahead and start writing your words down.  Once you see it on paper, you will be more inclined to take action and get it done.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

Don't Let YOU Open The Door

Ok you're married. Is everything perfect? No. Will things ever be perfect? While you wish they could be, they probably won't be.

The reality is that marriages will always have negative forces coming against it...knocking at the door hoping to come in. Sometimes you can see that negative force approaching the door of your marriage well in advance. However, there may be times when that negative force sneaks up to your marriage door and camps out...waiting for the opportunity to sneak in. I said sneak in, but here's the truth of the matter...it can't sneak in. The only way that negative force can come into your marriage is if you open the door and let it in.

Now let me define what I mean when I say negative force. Negative force is any thing, any person, any thought, any behavior, or any substance that can severely damage or destroy a marriage. The things that fall into these categories are all around and will always be present in the world we live in. A very good book that I am reading mentions that these negative things are always trying to tempt marriages into doing something out of line of the marriage covenant. However, we have a choice in determining if we let these negative things enter our marriage.

Yes, we have a choice...everything we do is based on a choice we make. If you are not communicating properly with your spouse, you are choosing to do so. If you are not loving your spouse the way they should be loved, you are choosing to do so. If you are physically, verbally, or mentally abusing you spouse, you are choosing to do so. If you are doing things not within the realms of your marriage covenant, you are choosing to do so.

If none of these things are present in your marriage, great! Keep it that way by ensuring you have a great rapport with your spouse (talk about everything), love your spouse the way they want to be loved (service, gifts, affection, acknowledgement, time), treat your spouse like the queen or king they are, and don't look for anything or anybody outside of your spouse...everything needs to be fulfilled by and with your spouse.

It must be a team effort to ensure the negative forces don't come in. You have to check all aspects of yourself to make sure YOU're not doing something to crack the door of your marriage which could allow those negative things to enter in. You must remember that all it takes is a crack...that's all the negative force needs. Do what you have to do to ensure your marriage is protected. It's your choice!

KEY TAKEAWAY: Don't let YOU open the door.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

3 Extras for V-Day...NO MONEY DOWN

It's that time of year when you see red everywhere...V-Day aka Valentine's Day. Many have already looked in their bank accounts to see how much money they have to spend on their mate. Some have decided to go big, while others will go lite simply with the card and flowers. And let me say that there is nothing wrong with either...especially coming from the heart.

Now what if you could throw in some extra gifts for free that would truly set things off. Now please notice I said "EXTRA". Don't think I'm trying to say not to buy your mate a gift...unless you know he or she will be okay with that (your judgment call). Here are a few gifts you can give that should cost you only time and some thought.

1. A Love Prayer. Take a few minutes to bow your head with your mate and pray. Make the prayer all about love...love for your mate, love for your relationship, love for your family. Make it all about the two of you and what you share as a couple.

2. A Love Letter. For those that are not comfortable praying aloud, this may be a fit for you. Now I know you can write. Even if you go back to the roses are red and violets are blue, make the rest of it your own. Note: Do NOT type the letter...use a pen and paper.

3. Sex. This is to the women. While men would love to get this every day from wives, there are several days of the year that sex is truly on our list of to-do's. This is one of them. Put the kids to bed early so they are in a deep sleep and close the doors. Then go ahead and make the man in your life happy on this day. That's probably all he wants (no card needed).

There you have it. 3 simple items that hopefully are easy for you to do with your mate. Enjoy the moment...enjoy the atmosphere...enjoy each other.

Look out for more "love made easy" tips in the future.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

Do You Know How To Talk?

When you read the title of this discussion, I know most of you said, "Of course I know how to talk". And I bet many of you can talk with the best of them...probably talking too much. Now let me add three more words to this same question.

Do you know how to talk to your spouse?

Now if you are a prideful person, you may immediately say "YES". For everyone else, this question should cause you to pause, think for a second, and then ask "Do I really know how to talk to my spouse effectively?". I am going to go out on a limb and say that if you are asking yourself this question, you are on the "I want to have a healthy marriage" path. And double this if your spouse is asking this same question.

You should consider being able to speak to your spouse appropriately and effectively as a form of art. You can create a masterpiece of communication, or you can create a mess that neither of you wants to look at. The way you communicate with your spouse should be in a manner they best receive it. To do this, it is a must that you know your spouse... know their mannerisms... know their likes and dislikes ... recognize and understand how your spouse communicates with you ... and even know you spouse's family history (how was he or she raised). With all these factors, you should be able to discern the best way to communicate.

I think many people make the mistake of communicating with their spouse the way they themselves want to be communicated to. BIG mistake. Your spouse is not you. Your spouse does not have the same personality as you ... your spouse did not grow up in your home ... your spouse may not have the same cultural background as you do. You can go on and on identifying ways that make your spouse different than you. The important thing to know is that your spouse has his or her own way they communicate. Find out what it is and adjust your delivery.

Your marriage can get stronger and stronger when you start to master this thing called "communicating effectively". It's also probably one of the toughest things to get good at, let alone master, in your marriage. Just think about it. If you master communicating with your spouse, there will be nothing that you can't accomplish together ... no trial that you can't get through.

If you and your spouse are not talking to each other right now (effectively), take a step back and evaluate yourself first. Do I talk too loud? ... Too soft? ... Too harsh? ... Too calmly? ... Too direct? ... Too bland? Be sure to use the right mix for the appropriate conversation. Your outgoing communication style has to be catered for your spouse ... not you. On the flip side, let your spouse know how you want to be communicated to. Open up your paths for great communication.

Do you know how to talk to your spouse? YES ... and you are getting better.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

The SAFE ... My Security

As I am sure all of you know, being married always has its ups and downs. The challenge is to always have more ups than downs. This most definitely gives you a better chance at having a long lasting marriage. One of the "ups" that should always be present is that of security.

Now the discussion of security within marriage can be dissected into many different areas ... all depending on the point of view you are taking. For our discussion today, I want to look at it from two perspectives ... female view and male view.

On the female side of this, security is all about physical safety ... safety of the body, safety of the family, safety of the home. When a woman marries a man, there is an assurance that the husband is there and will be there to protect. He will be there to stand up against anything or anyone that threatens his wife. If for some reason the husband is not there (figuratively) to protect his wife, the comfort of security a wife needs can be severely damaged.

Guys, this is why we can't half-step when we say "I DO". I don't want to take this into a deep religious discussion, but the Man upstairs is entrusting us to be the "head of household", the "protector of family", the "security blanket" for your wife. Step up and be "THE SAFE" you are called to be.

Now ladies, we husbands need you to be our SAFE also. What do we need protected? Our inner most thoughts and feelings ... our dreams. You all know that we are not the best communicators when it comes to expressing our feelings. So the little we do shed out to you, please protect this information. Please respect this information. Please don't discount this information. If for some reason the wife chooses to de-value our thoughts/feelings/dreams, you can potentially say goodbye to the husband confiding in the wife about certain things. There is the potential the husband will look for another confidant to run his thoughts/feelings/dreams by. Not the route we want things to go.

So ladies, receive the words from your husbands with patience, understanding, and love. Be "THE SAFE" so that he feels secure to tell you any and everything that's on his mind.

Remember, the most secure place is a safe. Be "THE SAFE".

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

I Wonder Are They Married?

So often in today’s society, many couples are choosing to be cohabitants without having the bond of holy matrimony associated with them. In other cases, some married couples are choosing not to wear their wedding rings for one reason or another. I’m not done yet. Some married couples’ interaction with each other, both in public and private settings, cause many to ask… “I wonder are they married?”.

When God brought Adam and Eve together, I am pretty sure they knew they were joined in a union and I bet all the animals knew it also. I can assume they spent a lot of time together and their love for each other showed. As married couples, we need to act like Adam and Eve. We need to be on and around each other (with your spouse) like we are the only two people on earth…joined at the hip physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Why these three areas? Well with the physical part, you need to show your spouse that you love his or her presence close to you…you love the touch, the hold, the kiss, the love. Emotionally, you want to let your spouse know that you feel the happiness or pain that he or she may encounter on a daily basis...you are going through life with them experiencing the ups and downs…you are laughing with them and also crying with them. On the spiritual side, this is the glue that keeps things together. You must be joined here. Even when the other two areas (physical & emotional) are a little shaky, it is your spiritual connection that will keep you together.

Now when you are on point with all three of these areas, I can’t imagine anyone looking at the two of you wondering if you are married. As couples joined in holy matrimony, it is our responsibility to show the world what it means to be married. Show how we enjoy each other and then turn around and show how we make it through the toughest situations in life together.

We need to be a beacon! Shining so that other couples will see and understand that marriage can work with work in your marriage. As we approach 2012, let’s get ready to shine our marriages to the world more than we did in 2011.

So when someone looks at my wife and I and ask the question…”I wonder are they married?”; they will look again and simply say…”Oh yeah, they’re married!”.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

The Plants...Part 2

In “The Plants…Part 1”, I spoke about how it’s important to get rid of the dead leaves in your marriage. This will give your marriage more room to grow in the areas where the “dead leaves” once occupied.

Now there is another interesting situation with house plants that marriages can take notes on. Once the “new leaves” in your potted plant have grown out, what happens when there is no more room in the pot for additional growth? Absolutely nothing happens because there is no room for anything else to grow. That’s where repotting comes in. You have to enlarge the pot so the plant has the additional room to grow larger and produce even more leaves.

In your marriage, you have to analyze your situation with your spouse to determine if you are limiting the growth of your marriage. Maybe you need to repot your marriage in a larger pot.

How do you repot your marriage? The sky is the limit. Maybe you introduce a new activity into your marriage for you and your spouse to do. Maybe you completely switch chores with your spouse. I will never forget when my wife came to me and stated that she was going to cut the grass. Now let me paint the picture here...

My wife is from NYC where grass appears to be limited only to Central Park. Additionally, there have been only a few times when her shoes have been in the grass for more than 5 minutes. Now you can imagine my surprise when she said “Babe, I’m going to cut the grass” and then actually started cutting the grass. Notice I said “started”. She did do most of it and has not touched the lawnmower since that historic day.

Now what did that do for me? It expanded my appreciation for my wife. It also made me think of identifying things that I can do that she normally does. I would like to think that I came up with something but don’t remember (smile).

When it comes to repotting your marriage, you have to expand your heart, expand your love, and expand your mind to consider any and all future possibilities…possibilities to do different things and go different places.

Just be sure to give your marriage the room it needs to grow.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

80 Year Old Love

Trips in the middle of nowhere will show you some of the most interesting things. Early this year, I was on a business trip in Plainville, CT. Yep…a very small city somewhere on the outskirts of Hartford, CT. Upon arriving into the town, I immediately checked into the hotel and headed to a seafood restaurant I read about in the town (the food was awesome and they gave huge portions).

While at this restaurant, I noticed there were a lot of seasoned couples there. And when I say seasoned, I mean 80 to 90 years old seasoned. Seasoned to where it took some of them all of several minutes to walk from their table to the front door as they were leaving. Regardless of how long it took them, it was great seeing these couples enjoying themselves for an evening out on the town. To see the patience they had with each other was humbling. I could only sit there and imagine all the memories they have experienced with each other over the years.

I then began to picture my life with my spouse at the age of +80 years. I wondered what we will look like. I wondered how fast will we glide across the floor of the restaurant at that age. Just picturing that future gave and continues to give me encouragement to make sure my wife and I continue to love each other in ways that will give us the best chance at making our marriage last well into our 80s.

Visualizing your marriage in the future is a great roadmap you can use to chart your marital path. Yes it is a long path when you’re looking 40 to 50 years down the road, but it gives you a long term goal to shoot for…wrinkles and all.

Love hard and love true.
C Wells

The Plants…Part 1

My Mom came to visit about a month ago and you know what Moms like to do when they come visit…find things to clean or straighten up, or correct minor things they feel could be better…without stepping on anyone’s toes (especially the wife’s toes). During her visit, one specific area she felt she could improve was the maintenance of a couple of our house plants. You see, I have had these two plants for about 9 years (yep, they’re still hangin in there). Some of the leaves tend to die off while new ones come in, and unfortunately I don’t always pull the dead leaves out to ensure the new leaves have the proper room to grow. Well, my mom took the time to pull out and cut all the dead leaves; giving the plants more freedom to produce new leaves and it gave both plants a much better appearance.


In marriage, there are a lot of different things, like the dead plant leaves, that occupy space and time that hinder a marriage from growing. And guess what? We are all too busy/not concerned enough to pull and cut those things out of our marriage. Like the dead leaves, these items can have a huge impact on your marriage if they are just left there to occupy critical space and time.

What are these things…these dead leaves that sit untouched in your marriage? It could be anything. Maybe it’s a long lasting disagreement you and your spouse had about something that was never fully resolved. Maybe it’s a financial situation you are in that you both choose to ignore. It could be anything that has the potential to cause a riff in your marriage. Whatever it is, if left untouched, it will continue to occupy valuable space in your marriage…taking up an area that is eagerly waiting to experience something new that will enhance the look and growth of your marriage.

Just as my mom did, you need to take the time out of your busy schedules to focus on pulling & cutting the dead leaves in your marriage. As you do this, sit back and watch the new leaves grow into your marriage.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

C Wells

LOOK Like You Want It

What did you do when you first laid eyes on your spouse? For the women, you probably just played it off as though you didn’t see him. For the men, you probably looked and continued to look until you got some type of return look from her. To this day my wife claims she caught me looking at her butt in church…saying that she could feel some eyes burning into her backside. Well…

How did you look at your spouse on your wedding day as you both stood looking into each other’s eyes? Was it a look of “I’m ready to tear your clothes off rite now” or maybe “I’m ready to start this loving journey with you and no one else”? Regardless of the meaning behind the look, I’m sure it was a look of “want” and “need” of the other person. It was a look to get your spouse’s attention…to let them know that they mean something to you.

As couples, we must continually show that we want and desire each other by looking at them in a manner that says “you are the love of my life and I want you”. Regardless of whether your spouse needs these consistent looks, it will let them know subconsciously that my spouse wants me.

What are the pros for giving “THE LOOK”?

1.Pro: Your spouse will know you desire them
2.Pro: Your spouse will have alluring thoughts of you being a promiscuous lover…which in my eyes is always a good thing in a relationship

What are the cons for not giving “THE LOOK”?

1.Con: There is no physical interest being shown to your spouse
2.Con: Due to lack of physical interest being shown, someone else might catch your spouse’s eye when they realize someone is checking them out

The 2nd Con is the last thing that any relationship needs entering it. You have to do what you have to do and make sure your spouse feels the needed desire.

So the next time you see your spouse, look at them like they are the only other person on the planet with you and you just found them after 1 year of searching the earth. See what the reaction is to “THE LOOK”.

Let us know your thoughts.

What 7 Year Itch?

There is a saying out there that every marriage goes through a 7 year itch during the 7th year of marriage. I have always wondered what is the “itch” that some people supposedly encounter during this time. Is it an itch to be with someone else romantically? Is it an itch to have companionship with someone else? Is it an itch of being tired of looking at that same face every day and every night over the past 7 years? Or is it just a myth?

I always wondered if I was going to have a 7 year itch and if I were to have one, what was it going to be. Was I going to fall into some type of trance which would lead me off in a path of destruction to my marriage? Or would I sail through the 7 year mark unscathed of any negative traps that supposedly arise during this critical year of marriage?

I had to dig a little deeper into this one; so I asked my wife directly what she thought about the 7 year itch. She threw something at me that made complete sense. She stated that the 7 year itch doesn’t necessarily have to involve actions or feelings external of a marriage. It could simply be the need for internal adjustments within the marriage. Let me explain. By now, a married couple should know each other very well. With that, many monthly, weekly, and even daily activities run like clockwork…especially if you have kids which require some form of standardization with daily routines. Unfortunately, when something is done over and over and over again, you now have a recurring cycle. Eventually portions of that recurring cycle may honestly get boring.

What’s the catch here? The catch is that you have to catch this situation before it gets out of hand and before the marriage falls into a boring lapse of stagnation. If left unnoticed, that internal need for adjustment could potentially lead down the wrong path…the opening of the front door leading to the outside.

Well, my wife and I made it to our 7th year of marriage this year and we are supposedly now in that critical year of our life together. I can honestly say that no thoughts have come over me to leave my wife or step out on my wife or do anything that will dishonor my wife or marriage. Now with that being said, we consistently realize that we must keep things interesting in our marriage…keeping the surprises coming at each other…while at the same time maintaining the consistent scheduling of 3 kids. Is everything perfect? Heck no. But are we working towards perfection? I like to think that we are trying :)

All in all, I would say there is a 7 year itch only if you create it. My suggestion…don’t create it. Love your spouse in as many different ways possible…keeping things interesting and exciting.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed,
C Wells

Is It "Air Tight"?

As I was traveling back from Mississippi to Atlanta this past weekend on I-20, I ran up on the back end of a heavy rain storm…and the rain was coming down to the point of only 30 to 40 yards of visibility sitting in front of me. As I traveled along listening to some old school Lauryn Hill, I felt a big drop of water hit my left arm by the door. First thing to pop into my head was “What the ….?” ( I thought it…didn’t say it). I immediately started feeling around the top seal of the window and door checking for a gap, or an opening, or even a wet spot to determine where the water came from. I even checked over my head around the sunroof. I found nothing. I pressed the window button (close) to see if I could hear some movement in the window to confirm the window was cracked a little…there was no movement. It appeared that all windows and sunroof were closed completely. At that point, I asked myself, “How did that drop of water get in the truck?”. At that moment, God schooled me on something.

There I was in my vehicle with all the windows closed. The many raindrops were hitting the vehicle as though they were trying to get inside the vehicle to consume me, but the vehicle was protecting me from the raindrops. Then the relationship with my wife and family popped into my head. There are so many negative items that try to attack us each day, whether spiritual, mental, or physical. With so many negative things of the world attacking relationships these days, we must have something/someone to protect us so that our marriages are not infiltrated. For me, I realize that protector is God. He is that vehicle that you can comfortably sit in and be protected from everything that is trying to get at/in your relationship with your spouse.

Ask yourself what negative activities/people/feelings are trying to plant themselves in your marriage. Once you identify them, ask for God’s protection against them for your relationship. I find that He is the best option leading to an “Air Tight” relationship. Note that I said “leading to” in that statement. While God is perfect, we as humans are not. Therefore, there is no guarantee that a “raindrop” won’t fall on your marriage; but with God’s protection from all the other “raindrops”, you can easily wipe those few negative “raindrops” off and enjoy the positive aspects of marriage with your spouse.

Just remember, God is your best option to ensure you have an “Air Tight” marriage. Use Him!

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone

Don't Discount Your Marriage

How often do you notice situations in a family member or a friend’s marriage that you feel you can provide advice on? Or, what about when a friend or family member approaches you or your spouse asking for marital advise. And what if this comes from a couple which has been married 5 or 8 years longer than you have? Do you feel under-qualified attempting to give advice to the couple? Do you say to yourself, what advice can I give since I have only been married for “a single digit number” of years?

I admit, I have told myself this a number of times over the years. However, over the years I have come to realize that every couple, new and old, has a story to tell that could help another couple learn something new and grow within their marriage. Now there may be some situations where you know you can’t provide advice from experience on. Nonetheless, when you encounter an opportunity to provide beneficial advice on situations that you and your spouse went through, don’t hesitate telling your story.

Even if you are currently in the trenches with your marriage, you should still be willing to tell your story to a friend or family member that may be headed down the same path. Your candidness may be just what another couple needs to make it through the situation within their marriage.

Just remember that no marriage is perfect; however, don’t discount your marriage when an opportunity arises to help another married couple with advice. Don’t be intimidated by older married couples. Learn from them and also be willing to teach them. Your daily actions alone may be one of the most powerful tools you can use to give advice to other married couples. Just be sure to recognize the fullness of your marriage and give 100%.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone

The Dream Team

To be married is to be part of a team. As a married couple, you should have a purpose and that purpose should be something that you provide to the world.

You can see how some married couples operate as teams when you see them as pastors of a church, as owners of a family business, or as coaches of sports teams.

While those are more public examples, there are some couples that make up great teams without public attention. These are the couples that love offering hospitality to others…couples that offer a listening ear to those that need to express their feelings…couples that provide encouragement to others…and even couples that provide a nurturing environment to raise children.

There are so many purposes that a marriage can have. As you move forward in your marriage, take the time to think about how you and your spouse work together as a team…within your family, within your house, within your relationships with friends, within your spiritual activities, and most important within your walk with God.

I think every couple should strive to show the world what it truly means to be married. We should be a beacon for why God created marriage…a family representation of God. Let’s do our part and make it happen.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

"My space"...can I have it?

"My space"..."Me time"..."Peace and Quiet". How important is this in a marriage? We all need our own space and time by ourselves in a marriage...away from the spouse...away from the kid(s). There is nothing negative about this. This space, however long it may be, can be a time of reflection, a time of rejuvenation, or just a time of relaxation.

I think some confusion from the spouse may come when they see what is being done during this "Me Time". For guys, we may want to go hang with the boys or go play a round of golf; while the ladies my want to go to the spa for the day with her girlfriends. Heck, it may only involve some quiet time in the house alone. As a husband or wife, you need to respect what your spouse wants to do during that peaceful time and trust that nothing is being done to hurt, harm, or destroy your family. Just know that your spouse had a life before the two of you were married and you will not have 100% identical interests.

Sometimes the chaos of the family can be overwhelming and just downright tiring. As a loving spouse, you need to be attentive in recognizing when your spouse needs a break from the chaos. At that point, you should volunteer to clear out the house by taking the kid(s) out for the day so that your spouse can enjoy some relaxation time alone. Now you would hope that this is returned in favor when you need it also; but don’t do it expecting it to be returned to you. Do it because of the love, compassion, and consideration you have for your spouse.

At this point I have discussed you allowing your spouse to have some peace and quiet time. Don’t forget about yourself. If your spouse never offers to take the kid(s) out for a while so that you can relax, then ask for it. Or plan an event for yourself and let your spouse know when you want to do the event. In many cases, your “my space” opportunities are not going to manifest on its own…you will have to make these opportunities happen. When you get your “my space” time, make the most of it so that you are reenergized to enhance your marriage and family.

Think of it like this…what happens when you put new batteries in something? It operates at its highest potential. That should be the case with you and your spouse after you get your “me time”. You and your spouse should be operating on all cylinders within your family and marriage.

So to answer the question, “My space…can I have it?”. YES...because you need to be operating at your best for your spouse and family.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

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Take Care of Home

Home is where the heart is. If your heart is somewhere else, then how can you take care of what you have at home? If your heart is not at home, then where is it? When you said “I Do” on that day that you will always remember, you did not say these two words for nothing. I would assume you said “I Do” commit to be there with and for my spouse always. You may have also stated “I Will” during that very special day you were joined with your spouse.

“I Will”. The words “I Will” to me depict never ending action. “I Will” love my spouse always. “I Will” give my all to my marriage. “I Will” provide my spouse with all that I have. “I Will” ensure that my spouse feels secure within our marriage. Both you and I can go on and on thinking of more “I Will” statements that apply to what a marriage should consist of. The question that must be personally asked is…what “Will I” do in my marriage to ensure it lasts?

When you are joined in marriage with your spouse, at that point in time, there should be only one relationship more important than your relationship with your spouse…and that is your relationship with God (or at least that is the case for me). Other than that, no other relationship should come before your relationship with your spouse. Now please don’t get confused when I say relationship. I am not speaking solely of relationships with people. Think of “relationship” as “priority”. Now ask yourself, do I have something prioritized above my spouse?...is my job prioritized higher than my spouse?...are family and friends prioritized higher than my spouse?...is church prioritized higher than my spouse?...are my dreams and aspirations prioritized higher than my spouse?

These are questions that you have to ask your inner self. No one can answer them for you. If you are honest with yourself and realize that you have something prioritized higher than your spouse and marriage, you need to make an immediate change so that you can take care of your marriage…take care of home. This may require taking a break from an activity that you love or temporarily putting your goals and aspirations on hold. In extreme cases, it may require a career change.

You have to do what you have to do to make your marriage work and last. If you don’t take care of home (your spouse), you may not have a home to go to one day. Make a declaration…”I Will” take care of “home” so that “home” will take care of me.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

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To The Wives...Be Noble - Part 2

In my last post, I spoke of several verses in the last chapter of Proverbs which outlines the character of a noble wife. I was asked to go deeper into my comment regarding verses 11 & 12 which states..."Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life".

Here are my thoughts on these verses. I asked my wife for her hand in marriage approximately 8 or 9 months after we started dating. Once married, there was a major challenge of now growing with each other...trusting each other. I think trust has different levels or can be sectioned in different categories...such as trust with feelings and emotions, trust with money, trust with hopes and dreams, etc. Within each category, the trust level may differ; nonetheless, there is trust there. If I trust my wife in all these categories, then I can have a clear path to enjoying my marriage without a bunch of distractions and concerns coming into the picture. When there is a lack of trust in an area, negative thoughts and feelings have the potential of entering into the mind and eventually the relationship. Once negativity is in the relationship, other areas can become affected which can slow down the growing and maturation of the marriage. Hopes and dreams of the marriage, as well as other areas, are now being hindered or delayed because the two are not on the same page. You may not communicate properly with each other concerning emotions, money, or even personal dreams and aspirations.

Now, having a wife that I can trust allows me to be expressive and be the best husband, father and provider I can be. A few personal examples of this in my marriage are:

1. Money - we had to cover 2 mortgage payments for one year that put a financial strain on our household and marriage. Thru this time period, our trust between each other grew tremendously regarding money and how it is utilized within our household. This experience gave me the assurance that I can trust my wife whole heartedly when it comes to money matters in our marriage. Trust me, having that peace of mind enriches my life a lot :)

2. Dreams, goals, and aspirations - I am in the process of starting a side business selling my artwork, as well as potentially publishing a book in the future. When I told my wife about my goals, she gave me her full support and told me to go for it. While her words were not many, they were meaningful. She did not question or hinder me in any way. Her words were only motivation. Her show of confidence in me gives me that extra push that I need sometimes to keep me striving towards my goal. Of course the potential benefits of the outcome is very attractive to her :)

Nonetheless, knowing that I can trust my wife with these areas in my life and our marriage makes things so much easier in daily life...it enhances life and marriage.

The best thing that a woman can do for a man (and I would say that this is one of the key things that a man wants from his wife) is "To make your man truly feel like a man". This will open up all doors in a marriage and you might be surprised what you get in return. I will leave it at that.

Let me know your thoughts.

Be blessed and talk to you soon.

To the Wives...be Noble

The Book of Proverbs is a book of the Bible that teaches us about wisdom and discipline. A month or so ago, my wife stated that she was going to read all of Proverbs and really work on understanding the content and she asked me to do the same. Being that I love reading the first few chapters of Proverbs, I have never read the entire book. So I took it on. Upon completing the book, I ran into some interesting scriptures that pinpoints the character of a noble wife. You can find these scriptures in the last chapter of Proverbs (Prov. 31:10-31). I read from the New Living Translation version.

Verse 10 starts off by saying that a wife is "worth more than precious rubies". Wives, you must realize your worth in a marriage; and husbands, you must recognize your wife's worth. I am sure we do recognize this, but we may not acknowledge this as often as we should. Now the next two verses (11 & 12) really caught my attention. It states..."Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life". What more can a husband ask for. For me, that just about sums up what I need and want from my wife...this encompasses every detail in a marriage. The remaining verses go on to give more insight into different aspects of a noble wife. Now of course, some verses appear to speak of actions of that time period; so I challenge you to see how your activities in today's time can relate to the activities mentioned in these verses.

Take a look at it (Proverbs 31:10-31) and let me know your thoughts.

Be blessed and talk to you soon.

Anniversary Celebrations

I just reached another milestone in my life. As of this past Thursday, 6 March 2008, my wife and I have been married for 4 years. I know you may say that it's only 4 years, but it is another year and that should be considered a milestone and a success. We should always look at each year of our marriage as a success, whether it be 2 years or 40 years of marriage. With so many divorces consistently taking place in our society, we need to celebrate each year so that we can look forward to the next year's celebration.

I have been trying to think of a way to celebrate anniversaries so that we all can show people that marriages do work and that marriage is a gift from God. The idea that I came up with to start this anniversary celebration movement is to have a picture slideshow on this blog site of married couples along with the number of years they have been married. I think that alone will serve as a little inspiration to keep things going...or at least I hope so. With that being said, I need you to send me a nice picture of you and your spouse and let me know how many years you have been married and your anniversary date. If you feel that is too much information, then just send me the picture and I will work to get it celebrated. Please send your pictures to cedricwells7@gmail.com .

Thanks in advance for the celebration.

Be blessed and talk to you soon