This is a topic that I pray I never have to deal with. Unfortunately, there are many couples that have dealt with this, are dealing with this, and will deal with this in the future. I think this may be one of the top items on every couples’ list that would prompt them to start thinking/talking “I’M LEAVING!”. I know it would be on my mind if it occurred in my marriage. The question is, what steps can couples take to make it through this?
The following comments are my personal opinion. Being that I am not an expert on this, if you are in a situation involving infidelity, I would strongly recommend seeking marriage counseling with a marriage counselor (doctor, specialist, pastor, spiritual advisor, etc.) in your city or town that you live.
I am sure when infidelity occurs, there is major damage with “trust” in the relationship. While it may appear that this trust is gone and will never come back, I am a believer that this trust can be restored. How long this will take is dependent on the couple and the willingness/determination to make the marriage last. And I must say the couple’s faith in God will also determine how things go with the restoration.
Though painful, I feel it would be beneficial to understand why the infidelity occurred. With this, husband and wife must be brutally honest with each other…completely transparent with all feelings and thoughts. If this transparency does not occur, then true healing will not take place…the band-aid will be on, but the wound will still be open underneath. You need to come to an understanding of what feelings or activities caused this to happen; and then determine what steps need to be taken to ensure those feelings/activities never enter into your marriage again. In this understanding, you may uncover wounds/damage from the past…from previous relationships or even back to childhood or teenage years. It is very important to understand this.
Now for the person that committed the infidelity, if you want to save your marriage, I feel you must first “repent”…apologize to God for your actions and ask for His forgiveness. Your marriage is a covenant with God, and stepping outside of that covenant is basically cheating on God. Additionally, ask for the strength to forgive yourself. If you don’t forgive yourself, then you cannot expect anyone else to forgive you. It will be more bearable to move forward once you have forgiven yourself. Secondly, apologize to your spouse and ask for her forgiveness. I am almost sure you will have to do this more than once…and do not expect your spouse to forgive you immediately. Next, be prepared to tell your spouse everything that is asked of you. You have to build your spouse’s trust back up and being truthful is the only path you should take. Also, be open to counseling to help you with any negative issues taking place in your life that may be affecting your marriage. Please, please, please don’t let “pride” get in the way of this restoration process. Let your spouse be your help-mate in dealing with any issues going on in your life that may have led to the infidelity. This will assist in regaining your spouse’s trust and will help heal your marriage. With prayer, patience, and true humbleness, allow God to work.
For the person that was on the other end of the infidelity, go to God and ask for the strength to “forgive” and “trust again”. You must have forgiveness deep down in your heart. You may not know how to reach that forgiveness in your heart and that is where God comes in. Only He can help you to forgive your spouse and help you restore trust with your spouse. I know this won’t be easy…it may be one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do in your marriage. As I stated above to the other spouse, please don’t let “pride” get in the way. Yes you are the victim, but pride will hinder true healing and will lead you in the wrong direction. Be sure to let your spouse know your feelings and get them all out. Ask all questions to your spouse you have concerning the reasons which led to the infidelity. It is important that you know everything so that nothing is left uncovered. As stated above, I feel that counseling is a must…you need help to get through this. With prayer, patience, and true forgiveness in your heart, allow God to work.
I know this is and will be a lot harder than any words that can be stated on paper or online. If there is anyone that has gone through infidelity in your marriage and you and your spouse have overcome the event, please provide any insight on how you made it through. This is a big issue that occurs in many marriages and we need to know how to prevent it from leading to a destroyed marriage.
Be blessed and talk to you later.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
12 comments:
More couples have dealt with this or is dealing with this to some degree. Your situation may be on a greater scale or a lessor scale, but this is very prevalent. We just want everyone to believe that we are not having these types of issues and that's why the issue is growing and will keep growing until the truth is told about it. If you asked 10 married couples how many of them experienced some type of infidelity or act of sexual immorality about 8/10 would probably not tell the truth.
I feel that infidelity is a direct link to lust and there is no reason or rationale for lust it is a spirit. There doesn't have to be a reason why and you can't reason with it. You can think of all the reasons you want to and in your mind think that "ok this is why this happened", "sexually, or emotionally I am not getting what I need from my spouse". The spirit doesn't take into consideration anyones feelings, it just keeps taking and is never satisfied. It is like a fire that can not be put out until it is cast out. You can go see all the therapists, counselors, and preachers you want but until it the lust demon is cast out it is to no prevail.
I feel that the church likes to candy coat issues involving marriages. That is why statistics are showing the divorce is higher in the "church" than it is in the world. Truth brings about deliverance. The church is suppoesed to be a place where we can be delivered, but there can be no deliverance if the truth isn't being told about what you need to be delivered from. It's like going to the doctor and telling him you think you have a cold, but in reality you know you have an std, but you are embarrased to say so. Meanwhile the doctor is trying to treat you for a cold, well that is not helping your real problem. It's the same way in the church we are afraid to tell the Pastor that we as "saved" people are having problems with infidelity, internet porn, lust, perverted thoughts, incest,etc. We are afraid that it will tarnish our reputation or that people with look at us with pity. However, if the truth isn't told the light will never shine on the issue and there can be no deliverance.
Lust is not something you can play with it is stronger than you. God can do it, but you have to be truthful about it and admit that there is a problem. You have the power through God to combat anything the enemy throws at you. The word says no weapon formed against you shall prosper, but the bible also says to resist the devil and he shall flee. You can't play with the enemy. You can't do things that you know are not right and expect it not to explode in your face later on. You can't cheat on your wife or your husband and expect it not to come out in the open later on. If you know you have a sex addiction you have to first ask God to deliver you and then you have to resist those feelings of wanting to flirt with other woman, or looking at porn, or anything involving spirtual inmorality has to be resisted. Fasting and praying will take you closer to God because it slays the flesh.
Marriages need help to deal with real issues....that can't happen until people are honest with themselves and others. This is serious!! The church wants to act like its not happening and its evening happening in the pulpit. Preachers/Pastors having sex with members of the church. Affairs within the church, gay and lesbian sexcapades, wife swapping, etc. It's all lust and perversion. It has to be cast out!!!
Hiding your issues is not going to deliver someone else. My husband cheated on me and I found out. We are working things out and it is a slow process. it really hurt me, but I want my marriage to work. We in counseling and God will be glorified....even in this situation. Trust has to be rebuilt and God as to be in the forefront, but it can happen.
More people need to be honest about what they are going through. I know we all say this as a cliche', but it has never been more true to me....THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!! HALLELUJAH!!
Who is willing to tell the truth about the issue in an effort to deliver someone?
Been There Doing That
Cedric,
I once heard a radio program in which the host was discussing the issue of infidelity with a caller. The host used the following metaphor. Marriage is a salad. You have to be hungry to be hungry for it; you have to want to eat it. Otherwise, you'll just move on to eat something else. Marriage after infidelity is the same great salad, but with a little sand sprinkled in. You can try to pick out all of the grains of sand, but you will never get them all. But, if you are hungry enough for the salad, you will still be able to eat the salad, get nourishment from it, and most of all - enjoy it. Maybe you'll never forget or even forgive your spouse completely. (There will always be some grains of sand.) But, if you want to make it work, you will find that the leafy greens are far more plentiful than the grains of sand. Maybe this is corny, but I thought it made a lot of sense at the time.
Wow almost two years ago to the day I posted the comment from "Been There Doing That"....how ironic is it that I happened to look on your blog today and that is what was on the site. Since that time (sadly) my husband and I have gotten divorced. As I stated previously he cheated, and we did not survive. It wasn't the infidelity that did the marriage in, but the inability to restore the trust. When trust has been compromised in ANY relationship, friendship, etc., it has to be restored and my "ex" husband had no desire and did not make an effort to restore it. His attitude was basically "get over it." He still behaved in a way that led me to believe that he was hiding things from me, and that he had outside itnerests(meaning other women). He cheated on me once and admitted it. But there was evidence that it happened mulitple times which he did not admit. On top of the fact that he would not get a job, not even a part time job...brought about the demise of our marriage.
Something weird happened to me this week. I took my truck to the dealership and one of the repair consulants asked me out. The flirting from him began via text message before he ever saw me. I thought that was very strange so I used my resources to look him up and found out that he was married and had 2 children. I wondered what would make a man risk losing it all. This week 3 married men have asked me out. I mean boldly like it was nothing...never denying that they were married. As far as the guy at the dealership I confronted him and told him that he should be ashamed of himself. I said you don't even know who I am or who I know. Why are you looking outside your marriage for satisfaction? God made your wife to have everything you need inside of her. Whatever you are lacking you need to ask God to show you and then ask Him to show you how to communciate that to your wife. Afterward he thanked me. I believe our God is a God of 2nd, 3rd, and 100 chances I hope he takes this opportunity to get it together.
I believe if more women would put these men in their places there wouldnt' be so much cheating. I am not letting the men off the hook, but who would my husband have cheated with if the woman would have told him to go home to his wife and kids? I confronted a woman once who had some suspicious going on with my husband and she told me that your husband is the woman that you should be talking to not me, after all he is the one that is supposed to be committed to you not me....how true, but what comes around goes around....that we need to remember. You reap what you sow.
I’m so excited because my broken marriage has been restored & my husband is back after he left me and our 2 kids for another woman. After 8 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that DR.Osasu can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to DR.Osasu . he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that DR.Osasu real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at:Account:
drosasu25@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2347064365391,THANKS TO DR. Osasu
Post a Comment