There is a saying out there that every marriage goes through a 7 year itch during the 7th year of marriage. I have always wondered what is the “itch” that some people supposedly encounter during this time. Is it an itch to be with someone else romantically? Is it an itch to have companionship with someone else? Is it an itch of being tired of looking at that same face every day and every night over the past 7 years? Or is it just a myth?
I always wondered if I was going to have a 7 year itch and if I were to have one, what was it going to be. Was I going to fall into some type of trance which would lead me off in a path of destruction to my marriage? Or would I sail through the 7 year mark unscathed of any negative traps that supposedly arise during this critical year of marriage?
I had to dig a little deeper into this one; so I asked my wife directly what she thought about the 7 year itch. She threw something at me that made complete sense. She stated that the 7 year itch doesn’t necessarily have to involve actions or feelings external of a marriage. It could simply be the need for internal adjustments within the marriage. Let me explain. By now, a married couple should know each other very well. With that, many monthly, weekly, and even daily activities run like clockwork…especially if you have kids which require some form of standardization with daily routines. Unfortunately, when something is done over and over and over again, you now have a recurring cycle. Eventually portions of that recurring cycle may honestly get boring.
What’s the catch here? The catch is that you have to catch this situation before it gets out of hand and before the marriage falls into a boring lapse of stagnation. If left unnoticed, that internal need for adjustment could potentially lead down the wrong path…the opening of the front door leading to the outside.
Well, my wife and I made it to our 7th year of marriage this year and we are supposedly now in that critical year of our life together. I can honestly say that no thoughts have come over me to leave my wife or step out on my wife or do anything that will dishonor my wife or marriage. Now with that being said, we consistently realize that we must keep things interesting in our marriage…keeping the surprises coming at each other…while at the same time maintaining the consistent scheduling of 3 kids. Is everything perfect? Heck no. But are we working towards perfection? I like to think that we are trying :)
All in all, I would say there is a 7 year itch only if you create it. My suggestion…don’t create it. Love your spouse in as many different ways possible…keeping things interesting and exciting.
Let me know your thoughts.
Take care and be blessed,
C Wells
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Is It "Air Tight"?
As I was traveling back from Mississippi to Atlanta this past weekend on I-20, I ran up on the back end of a heavy rain storm…and the rain was coming down to the point of only 30 to 40 yards of visibility sitting in front of me. As I traveled along listening to some old school Lauryn Hill, I felt a big drop of water hit my left arm by the door. First thing to pop into my head was “What the ….?” ( I thought it…didn’t say it). I immediately started feeling around the top seal of the window and door checking for a gap, or an opening, or even a wet spot to determine where the water came from. I even checked over my head around the sunroof. I found nothing. I pressed the window button (close) to see if I could hear some movement in the window to confirm the window was cracked a little…there was no movement. It appeared that all windows and sunroof were closed completely. At that point, I asked myself, “How did that drop of water get in the truck?”. At that moment, God schooled me on something.
There I was in my vehicle with all the windows closed. The many raindrops were hitting the vehicle as though they were trying to get inside the vehicle to consume me, but the vehicle was protecting me from the raindrops. Then the relationship with my wife and family popped into my head. There are so many negative items that try to attack us each day, whether spiritual, mental, or physical. With so many negative things of the world attacking relationships these days, we must have something/someone to protect us so that our marriages are not infiltrated. For me, I realize that protector is God. He is that vehicle that you can comfortably sit in and be protected from everything that is trying to get at/in your relationship with your spouse.
Ask yourself what negative activities/people/feelings are trying to plant themselves in your marriage. Once you identify them, ask for God’s protection against them for your relationship. I find that He is the best option leading to an “Air Tight” relationship. Note that I said “leading to” in that statement. While God is perfect, we as humans are not. Therefore, there is no guarantee that a “raindrop” won’t fall on your marriage; but with God’s protection from all the other “raindrops”, you can easily wipe those few negative “raindrops” off and enjoy the positive aspects of marriage with your spouse.
Just remember, God is your best option to ensure you have an “Air Tight” marriage. Use Him!
Let me know your thoughts.
Take care and be blessed.
Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone
There I was in my vehicle with all the windows closed. The many raindrops were hitting the vehicle as though they were trying to get inside the vehicle to consume me, but the vehicle was protecting me from the raindrops. Then the relationship with my wife and family popped into my head. There are so many negative items that try to attack us each day, whether spiritual, mental, or physical. With so many negative things of the world attacking relationships these days, we must have something/someone to protect us so that our marriages are not infiltrated. For me, I realize that protector is God. He is that vehicle that you can comfortably sit in and be protected from everything that is trying to get at/in your relationship with your spouse.
Ask yourself what negative activities/people/feelings are trying to plant themselves in your marriage. Once you identify them, ask for God’s protection against them for your relationship. I find that He is the best option leading to an “Air Tight” relationship. Note that I said “leading to” in that statement. While God is perfect, we as humans are not. Therefore, there is no guarantee that a “raindrop” won’t fall on your marriage; but with God’s protection from all the other “raindrops”, you can easily wipe those few negative “raindrops” off and enjoy the positive aspects of marriage with your spouse.
Just remember, God is your best option to ensure you have an “Air Tight” marriage. Use Him!
Let me know your thoughts.
Take care and be blessed.
Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
WHAT IS YOUR MEASURE OF SUCCESS?...
The question that I ask myself is..."What do I want to be remembered for?". My answer to this question has become my lifelong measure of success. When I first dug into this question, I jotted down many things ranging from "remembered for creating meaningful and beautiful art" and "remembered for being fair and just in my business practices". I do feel these are very important in my life, but they were not in my Top 3.
My Top 3 "What do I want to be remembered for?" or my "Measure of Success" are:
1. I am known as a great husband, father, grandfather (one day in the distant future), and friend.
2. I tried helping people on a global scale
3. I showed the world I was a man of God by living a Godly life
Going forward, try to periodically ask yourself what do you want to be remembered for when you leave this life on earth. Answering this question honestly will put things in perspective and may cause you to make adjustments in your life to allow yourself to reach that level of success that you truly want to be remembered for. Reaching this won't come over night, but it will put you on a journey that will be full of many success stories along the way.
Take care and be blessed.
Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone
My Top 3 "What do I want to be remembered for?" or my "Measure of Success" are:
1. I am known as a great husband, father, grandfather (one day in the distant future), and friend.
2. I tried helping people on a global scale
3. I showed the world I was a man of God by living a Godly life
Going forward, try to periodically ask yourself what do you want to be remembered for when you leave this life on earth. Answering this question honestly will put things in perspective and may cause you to make adjustments in your life to allow yourself to reach that level of success that you truly want to be remembered for. Reaching this won't come over night, but it will put you on a journey that will be full of many success stories along the way.
Take care and be blessed.
Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Don't Discount Your Marriage
How often do you notice situations in a family member or a friend’s marriage that you feel you can provide advice on? Or, what about when a friend or family member approaches you or your spouse asking for marital advise. And what if this comes from a couple which has been married 5 or 8 years longer than you have? Do you feel under-qualified attempting to give advice to the couple? Do you say to yourself, what advice can I give since I have only been married for “a single digit number” of years?
I admit, I have told myself this a number of times over the years. However, over the years I have come to realize that every couple, new and old, has a story to tell that could help another couple learn something new and grow within their marriage. Now there may be some situations where you know you can’t provide advice from experience on. Nonetheless, when you encounter an opportunity to provide beneficial advice on situations that you and your spouse went through, don’t hesitate telling your story.
Even if you are currently in the trenches with your marriage, you should still be willing to tell your story to a friend or family member that may be headed down the same path. Your candidness may be just what another couple needs to make it through the situation within their marriage.
Just remember that no marriage is perfect; however, don’t discount your marriage when an opportunity arises to help another married couple with advice. Don’t be intimidated by older married couples. Learn from them and also be willing to teach them. Your daily actions alone may be one of the most powerful tools you can use to give advice to other married couples. Just be sure to recognize the fullness of your marriage and give 100%.
Let me know your thoughts.
Take care and be blessed.
Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone
I admit, I have told myself this a number of times over the years. However, over the years I have come to realize that every couple, new and old, has a story to tell that could help another couple learn something new and grow within their marriage. Now there may be some situations where you know you can’t provide advice from experience on. Nonetheless, when you encounter an opportunity to provide beneficial advice on situations that you and your spouse went through, don’t hesitate telling your story.
Even if you are currently in the trenches with your marriage, you should still be willing to tell your story to a friend or family member that may be headed down the same path. Your candidness may be just what another couple needs to make it through the situation within their marriage.
Just remember that no marriage is perfect; however, don’t discount your marriage when an opportunity arises to help another married couple with advice. Don’t be intimidated by older married couples. Learn from them and also be willing to teach them. Your daily actions alone may be one of the most powerful tools you can use to give advice to other married couples. Just be sure to recognize the fullness of your marriage and give 100%.
Let me know your thoughts.
Take care and be blessed.
Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone
Thursday, July 9, 2009
The Dream Team
To be married is to be part of a team. As a married couple, you should have a purpose and that purpose should be something that you provide to the world.
You can see how some married couples operate as teams when you see them as pastors of a church, as owners of a family business, or as coaches of sports teams.
While those are more public examples, there are some couples that make up great teams without public attention. These are the couples that love offering hospitality to others…couples that offer a listening ear to those that need to express their feelings…couples that provide encouragement to others…and even couples that provide a nurturing environment to raise children.
There are so many purposes that a marriage can have. As you move forward in your marriage, take the time to think about how you and your spouse work together as a team…within your family, within your house, within your relationships with friends, within your spiritual activities, and most important within your walk with God.
I think every couple should strive to show the world what it truly means to be married. We should be a beacon for why God created marriage…a family representation of God. Let’s do our part and make it happen.
Let me know your thoughts.
Take care and be blessed.
You can see how some married couples operate as teams when you see them as pastors of a church, as owners of a family business, or as coaches of sports teams.
While those are more public examples, there are some couples that make up great teams without public attention. These are the couples that love offering hospitality to others…couples that offer a listening ear to those that need to express their feelings…couples that provide encouragement to others…and even couples that provide a nurturing environment to raise children.
There are so many purposes that a marriage can have. As you move forward in your marriage, take the time to think about how you and your spouse work together as a team…within your family, within your house, within your relationships with friends, within your spiritual activities, and most important within your walk with God.
I think every couple should strive to show the world what it truly means to be married. We should be a beacon for why God created marriage…a family representation of God. Let’s do our part and make it happen.
Let me know your thoughts.
Take care and be blessed.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
"My space"...can I have it?
"My space"..."Me time"..."Peace and Quiet". How important is this in a marriage? We all need our own space and time by ourselves in a marriage...away from the spouse...away from the kid(s). There is nothing negative about this. This space, however long it may be, can be a time of reflection, a time of rejuvenation, or just a time of relaxation.
I think some confusion from the spouse may come when they see what is being done during this "Me Time". For guys, we may want to go hang with the boys or go play a round of golf; while the ladies my want to go to the spa for the day with her girlfriends. Heck, it may only involve some quiet time in the house alone. As a husband or wife, you need to respect what your spouse wants to do during that peaceful time and trust that nothing is being done to hurt, harm, or destroy your family. Just know that your spouse had a life before the two of you were married and you will not have 100% identical interests.
Sometimes the chaos of the family can be overwhelming and just downright tiring. As a loving spouse, you need to be attentive in recognizing when your spouse needs a break from the chaos. At that point, you should volunteer to clear out the house by taking the kid(s) out for the day so that your spouse can enjoy some relaxation time alone. Now you would hope that this is returned in favor when you need it also; but don’t do it expecting it to be returned to you. Do it because of the love, compassion, and consideration you have for your spouse.
At this point I have discussed you allowing your spouse to have some peace and quiet time. Don’t forget about yourself. If your spouse never offers to take the kid(s) out for a while so that you can relax, then ask for it. Or plan an event for yourself and let your spouse know when you want to do the event. In many cases, your “my space” opportunities are not going to manifest on its own…you will have to make these opportunities happen. When you get your “my space” time, make the most of it so that you are reenergized to enhance your marriage and family.
Think of it like this…what happens when you put new batteries in something? It operates at its highest potential. That should be the case with you and your spouse after you get your “me time”. You and your spouse should be operating on all cylinders within your family and marriage.
So to answer the question, “My space…can I have it?”. YES...because you need to be operating at your best for your spouse and family.
Let me know your thoughts.
Take care and be blessed.
Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone
I think some confusion from the spouse may come when they see what is being done during this "Me Time". For guys, we may want to go hang with the boys or go play a round of golf; while the ladies my want to go to the spa for the day with her girlfriends. Heck, it may only involve some quiet time in the house alone. As a husband or wife, you need to respect what your spouse wants to do during that peaceful time and trust that nothing is being done to hurt, harm, or destroy your family. Just know that your spouse had a life before the two of you were married and you will not have 100% identical interests.
Sometimes the chaos of the family can be overwhelming and just downright tiring. As a loving spouse, you need to be attentive in recognizing when your spouse needs a break from the chaos. At that point, you should volunteer to clear out the house by taking the kid(s) out for the day so that your spouse can enjoy some relaxation time alone. Now you would hope that this is returned in favor when you need it also; but don’t do it expecting it to be returned to you. Do it because of the love, compassion, and consideration you have for your spouse.
At this point I have discussed you allowing your spouse to have some peace and quiet time. Don’t forget about yourself. If your spouse never offers to take the kid(s) out for a while so that you can relax, then ask for it. Or plan an event for yourself and let your spouse know when you want to do the event. In many cases, your “my space” opportunities are not going to manifest on its own…you will have to make these opportunities happen. When you get your “my space” time, make the most of it so that you are reenergized to enhance your marriage and family.
Think of it like this…what happens when you put new batteries in something? It operates at its highest potential. That should be the case with you and your spouse after you get your “me time”. You and your spouse should be operating on all cylinders within your family and marriage.
So to answer the question, “My space…can I have it?”. YES...because you need to be operating at your best for your spouse and family.
Let me know your thoughts.
Take care and be blessed.
Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Take Care of Home
Home is where the heart is. If your heart is somewhere else, then how can you take care of what you have at home? If your heart is not at home, then where is it? When you said “I Do” on that day that you will always remember, you did not say these two words for nothing. I would assume you said “I Do” commit to be there with and for my spouse always. You may have also stated “I Will” during that very special day you were joined with your spouse.
“I Will”. The words “I Will” to me depict never ending action. “I Will” love my spouse always. “I Will” give my all to my marriage. “I Will” provide my spouse with all that I have. “I Will” ensure that my spouse feels secure within our marriage. Both you and I can go on and on thinking of more “I Will” statements that apply to what a marriage should consist of. The question that must be personally asked is…what “Will I” do in my marriage to ensure it lasts?
When you are joined in marriage with your spouse, at that point in time, there should be only one relationship more important than your relationship with your spouse…and that is your relationship with God (or at least that is the case for me). Other than that, no other relationship should come before your relationship with your spouse. Now please don’t get confused when I say relationship. I am not speaking solely of relationships with people. Think of “relationship” as “priority”. Now ask yourself, do I have something prioritized above my spouse?...is my job prioritized higher than my spouse?...are family and friends prioritized higher than my spouse?...is church prioritized higher than my spouse?...are my dreams and aspirations prioritized higher than my spouse?
These are questions that you have to ask your inner self. No one can answer them for you. If you are honest with yourself and realize that you have something prioritized higher than your spouse and marriage, you need to make an immediate change so that you can take care of your marriage…take care of home. This may require taking a break from an activity that you love or temporarily putting your goals and aspirations on hold. In extreme cases, it may require a career change.
You have to do what you have to do to make your marriage work and last. If you don’t take care of home (your spouse), you may not have a home to go to one day. Make a declaration…”I Will” take care of “home” so that “home” will take care of me.
Let me know your thoughts.
Take care and be blessed.
Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone
“I Will”. The words “I Will” to me depict never ending action. “I Will” love my spouse always. “I Will” give my all to my marriage. “I Will” provide my spouse with all that I have. “I Will” ensure that my spouse feels secure within our marriage. Both you and I can go on and on thinking of more “I Will” statements that apply to what a marriage should consist of. The question that must be personally asked is…what “Will I” do in my marriage to ensure it lasts?
When you are joined in marriage with your spouse, at that point in time, there should be only one relationship more important than your relationship with your spouse…and that is your relationship with God (or at least that is the case for me). Other than that, no other relationship should come before your relationship with your spouse. Now please don’t get confused when I say relationship. I am not speaking solely of relationships with people. Think of “relationship” as “priority”. Now ask yourself, do I have something prioritized above my spouse?...is my job prioritized higher than my spouse?...are family and friends prioritized higher than my spouse?...is church prioritized higher than my spouse?...are my dreams and aspirations prioritized higher than my spouse?
These are questions that you have to ask your inner self. No one can answer them for you. If you are honest with yourself and realize that you have something prioritized higher than your spouse and marriage, you need to make an immediate change so that you can take care of your marriage…take care of home. This may require taking a break from an activity that you love or temporarily putting your goals and aspirations on hold. In extreme cases, it may require a career change.
You have to do what you have to do to make your marriage work and last. If you don’t take care of home (your spouse), you may not have a home to go to one day. Make a declaration…”I Will” take care of “home” so that “home” will take care of me.
Let me know your thoughts.
Take care and be blessed.
Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone
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