In my last blog, I spoke about becoming a better spouse. One activity stated in the blog to do is "pray with your spouse". I want to touch on this activity for a few lines.
As we (wife, son, and myself) were driving back to Atlanta from an out of town trip, I had an opportunity to do some thinking and meditating (wife and son were sleep) on everything that we have going through in our current lives. As I pondered an important decision that would have to be made within the next few days, I realized that prayer would be needed to help us make it through this decision process. While I consistently pray for guidance and direction from God, I realized that this was something that my wife and I needed to pray about together. At this point, something hit me in regards to my individual prayers and my wife's individual prayers on the situation ...are we in agreement on what we want the outcome of our situation to be? As I thought about this, my spiritual eyes and mind began to open and I realized that my wife and I need to be in agreement with all of our prayers, both individually and collectively.
The biblical verse Matthew 18:19 speaks directly on this principle. It states...If two of you agree down here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. I realized that I needed to talk to my wife about this situation and find out exactly what she expects to happen at the end of the day, and I needed to tell her what I expect to happen when all is said and done. After that, we would need to agree on an outcome that we wanted and expected. Once we agreed, we could then go to God together in agreement and ask for His wisdom, guidance, and favor on our situation.
When my wife woke up, I proceeded to ask her questions on what she thought about things and what she wanted and expected from the situation at hand. I then gave my thoughts and we then agreed on what we wanted out of the situation. Later that night, it was extremely easy and comforting to hold my wife's hands and go to God in prayer expressing to Him our concerns and needs. This is something we rarely do, especially to this extent...being in full agreement and praying together. It was a true lesson learned on praying with my wife...which is to make sure I have completed the prerequisite of being in agreement with my spouse.
I strongly suggest that if you and your spouse are going through any hardships, whether it be relational, spiritual, physical, or financial; take the time to come in agreement with each other on the outcome that you want and expect. Once in agreement, pray to God about it and then let Him do His work.
As always, let me know your thoughts.
Be blessed and talk to you soon.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
Learn How to Be a Better Spouse
Do you think you know all there is to know about being a great husband or being a great wife? If so, please sit down and write out that manual and sell the first copy to me. I don’t think there is anyone living that can rightfully say that they know everything there is to know on being a great spouse. With that being said, every couple in a marriage should be permanently enrolled in the school of marriage. Simply put, couples must strive to learn how to be a better spouse. I would guess that this learning process continues until you leave this earth.
How do you learn to be a better spouse? Well, I can give you my thoughts on that question…and please know that these items are ideas that I follow or that I am trying to follow in becoming a better spouse.
1. Pray. (a) Pray for answers to the many questions that come up in your marriage. Pray for understanding of what marriage is and what marriage is for. Pray for the purpose of your marriage. Pray for increased wisdom within your marriage. Pray for improvements within yourself before praying for improvements within your spouse. Pray for any and everything that you can think of that will improve your marriage. An open relationship with God will allow Him to reveal many of the answers that you will need to improve your marriage and become a better spouse to your significant other. (b) Pray with your spouse. This may be one of the most intimate activities you can have with your spouse. Praying with your spouse may also be one of the most challenging for some…especially if you don’t have a solid personal prayer life established. If you are not completely comfortable with this, make it an extremely short prayer. Take your spouse by the hands and quickly say “Thank you Lord for my spouse and my marriage!” Leave it at that and then make it longer next time.
2. Learn from daily experiences. You and your spouse will go through something each day that may or may not challenge your marriage. It may be small or it may be something big. Regardless of the size of the event, you should make every effort to learn from the event to ensure that you handle the situation better the next time around.
3. Learn from other married couples’ experiences. If possible, it is great to learn from others’ experiences so that you can avoid going through a stressful situation. If you encounter a couple going through a negative period in their marriage, it would be wise to learn from their negative situation so that you don’t go through that same situation in the future. On the positive side, be sure to learn as much as you can from couples that have positive periods occurring in their marriages.
4. Read. While there is nothing better than on-the-job-training, there are many books, articles, and other media that offer very good advice on many marital subjects. One of the best books that give precise instructions on how to have a successful marriage is the Holy Bible. There are specific instructions on how a husband should treat his wife and instructions on how a wife should treat her husband. This book is filled with many accounts of marriages that you can read about and learn from. Additionally, there are other books written by today’s authors that give good insight on maintaining a healthy and loving marriage.
When you said “I DO”, a commitment was made to love your spouse forever. A commitment also should have been made to be the best spouse possible. How do engineers become great engineers?...how do doctors become great doctors?...they go to school to learn the skills to be a great engineer and doctor. When you get married, you become a spouse…something that you have never been before. What are you going to do to learn how to become a great spouse? GO TO SCHOOL!
Let me know your thoughts.
Be blessed and talk to you soon.
How do you learn to be a better spouse? Well, I can give you my thoughts on that question…and please know that these items are ideas that I follow or that I am trying to follow in becoming a better spouse.
1. Pray. (a) Pray for answers to the many questions that come up in your marriage. Pray for understanding of what marriage is and what marriage is for. Pray for the purpose of your marriage. Pray for increased wisdom within your marriage. Pray for improvements within yourself before praying for improvements within your spouse. Pray for any and everything that you can think of that will improve your marriage. An open relationship with God will allow Him to reveal many of the answers that you will need to improve your marriage and become a better spouse to your significant other. (b) Pray with your spouse. This may be one of the most intimate activities you can have with your spouse. Praying with your spouse may also be one of the most challenging for some…especially if you don’t have a solid personal prayer life established. If you are not completely comfortable with this, make it an extremely short prayer. Take your spouse by the hands and quickly say “Thank you Lord for my spouse and my marriage!” Leave it at that and then make it longer next time.
2. Learn from daily experiences. You and your spouse will go through something each day that may or may not challenge your marriage. It may be small or it may be something big. Regardless of the size of the event, you should make every effort to learn from the event to ensure that you handle the situation better the next time around.
3. Learn from other married couples’ experiences. If possible, it is great to learn from others’ experiences so that you can avoid going through a stressful situation. If you encounter a couple going through a negative period in their marriage, it would be wise to learn from their negative situation so that you don’t go through that same situation in the future. On the positive side, be sure to learn as much as you can from couples that have positive periods occurring in their marriages.
4. Read. While there is nothing better than on-the-job-training, there are many books, articles, and other media that offer very good advice on many marital subjects. One of the best books that give precise instructions on how to have a successful marriage is the Holy Bible. There are specific instructions on how a husband should treat his wife and instructions on how a wife should treat her husband. This book is filled with many accounts of marriages that you can read about and learn from. Additionally, there are other books written by today’s authors that give good insight on maintaining a healthy and loving marriage.
When you said “I DO”, a commitment was made to love your spouse forever. A commitment also should have been made to be the best spouse possible. How do engineers become great engineers?...how do doctors become great doctors?...they go to school to learn the skills to be a great engineer and doctor. When you get married, you become a spouse…something that you have never been before. What are you going to do to learn how to become a great spouse? GO TO SCHOOL!
Let me know your thoughts.
Be blessed and talk to you soon.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
To The Wives...Be Noble - Part 2
In my last post, I spoke of several verses in the last chapter of Proverbs which outlines the character of a noble wife. I was asked to go deeper into my comment regarding verses 11 & 12 which states..."Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life".
Here are my thoughts on these verses. I asked my wife for her hand in marriage approximately 8 or 9 months after we started dating. Once married, there was a major challenge of now growing with each other...trusting each other. I think trust has different levels or can be sectioned in different categories...such as trust with feelings and emotions, trust with money, trust with hopes and dreams, etc. Within each category, the trust level may differ; nonetheless, there is trust there. If I trust my wife in all these categories, then I can have a clear path to enjoying my marriage without a bunch of distractions and concerns coming into the picture. When there is a lack of trust in an area, negative thoughts and feelings have the potential of entering into the mind and eventually the relationship. Once negativity is in the relationship, other areas can become affected which can slow down the growing and maturation of the marriage. Hopes and dreams of the marriage, as well as other areas, are now being hindered or delayed because the two are not on the same page. You may not communicate properly with each other concerning emotions, money, or even personal dreams and aspirations.
Now, having a wife that I can trust allows me to be expressive and be the best husband, father and provider I can be. A few personal examples of this in my marriage are:
1. Money - we had to cover 2 mortgage payments for one year that put a financial strain on our household and marriage. Thru this time period, our trust between each other grew tremendously regarding money and how it is utilized within our household. This experience gave me the assurance that I can trust my wife whole heartedly when it comes to money matters in our marriage. Trust me, having that peace of mind enriches my life a lot :)
2. Dreams, goals, and aspirations - I am in the process of starting a side business selling my artwork, as well as potentially publishing a book in the future. When I told my wife about my goals, she gave me her full support and told me to go for it. While her words were not many, they were meaningful. She did not question or hinder me in any way. Her words were only motivation. Her show of confidence in me gives me that extra push that I need sometimes to keep me striving towards my goal. Of course the potential benefits of the outcome is very attractive to her :)
Nonetheless, knowing that I can trust my wife with these areas in my life and our marriage makes things so much easier in daily life...it enhances life and marriage.
The best thing that a woman can do for a man (and I would say that this is one of the key things that a man wants from his wife) is "To make your man truly feel like a man". This will open up all doors in a marriage and you might be surprised what you get in return. I will leave it at that.
Let me know your thoughts.
Be blessed and talk to you soon.
Here are my thoughts on these verses. I asked my wife for her hand in marriage approximately 8 or 9 months after we started dating. Once married, there was a major challenge of now growing with each other...trusting each other. I think trust has different levels or can be sectioned in different categories...such as trust with feelings and emotions, trust with money, trust with hopes and dreams, etc. Within each category, the trust level may differ; nonetheless, there is trust there. If I trust my wife in all these categories, then I can have a clear path to enjoying my marriage without a bunch of distractions and concerns coming into the picture. When there is a lack of trust in an area, negative thoughts and feelings have the potential of entering into the mind and eventually the relationship. Once negativity is in the relationship, other areas can become affected which can slow down the growing and maturation of the marriage. Hopes and dreams of the marriage, as well as other areas, are now being hindered or delayed because the two are not on the same page. You may not communicate properly with each other concerning emotions, money, or even personal dreams and aspirations.
Now, having a wife that I can trust allows me to be expressive and be the best husband, father and provider I can be. A few personal examples of this in my marriage are:
1. Money - we had to cover 2 mortgage payments for one year that put a financial strain on our household and marriage. Thru this time period, our trust between each other grew tremendously regarding money and how it is utilized within our household. This experience gave me the assurance that I can trust my wife whole heartedly when it comes to money matters in our marriage. Trust me, having that peace of mind enriches my life a lot :)
2. Dreams, goals, and aspirations - I am in the process of starting a side business selling my artwork, as well as potentially publishing a book in the future. When I told my wife about my goals, she gave me her full support and told me to go for it. While her words were not many, they were meaningful. She did not question or hinder me in any way. Her words were only motivation. Her show of confidence in me gives me that extra push that I need sometimes to keep me striving towards my goal. Of course the potential benefits of the outcome is very attractive to her :)
Nonetheless, knowing that I can trust my wife with these areas in my life and our marriage makes things so much easier in daily life...it enhances life and marriage.
The best thing that a woman can do for a man (and I would say that this is one of the key things that a man wants from his wife) is "To make your man truly feel like a man". This will open up all doors in a marriage and you might be surprised what you get in return. I will leave it at that.
Let me know your thoughts.
Be blessed and talk to you soon.
Friday, March 14, 2008
To the Wives...be Noble
The Book of Proverbs is a book of the Bible that teaches us about wisdom and discipline. A month or so ago, my wife stated that she was going to read all of Proverbs and really work on understanding the content and she asked me to do the same. Being that I love reading the first few chapters of Proverbs, I have never read the entire book. So I took it on. Upon completing the book, I ran into some interesting scriptures that pinpoints the character of a noble wife. You can find these scriptures in the last chapter of Proverbs (Prov. 31:10-31). I read from the New Living Translation version.
Verse 10 starts off by saying that a wife is "worth more than precious rubies". Wives, you must realize your worth in a marriage; and husbands, you must recognize your wife's worth. I am sure we do recognize this, but we may not acknowledge this as often as we should. Now the next two verses (11 & 12) really caught my attention. It states..."Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life". What more can a husband ask for. For me, that just about sums up what I need and want from my wife...this encompasses every detail in a marriage. The remaining verses go on to give more insight into different aspects of a noble wife. Now of course, some verses appear to speak of actions of that time period; so I challenge you to see how your activities in today's time can relate to the activities mentioned in these verses.
Take a look at it (Proverbs 31:10-31) and let me know your thoughts.
Be blessed and talk to you soon.
Verse 10 starts off by saying that a wife is "worth more than precious rubies". Wives, you must realize your worth in a marriage; and husbands, you must recognize your wife's worth. I am sure we do recognize this, but we may not acknowledge this as often as we should. Now the next two verses (11 & 12) really caught my attention. It states..."Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life". What more can a husband ask for. For me, that just about sums up what I need and want from my wife...this encompasses every detail in a marriage. The remaining verses go on to give more insight into different aspects of a noble wife. Now of course, some verses appear to speak of actions of that time period; so I challenge you to see how your activities in today's time can relate to the activities mentioned in these verses.
Take a look at it (Proverbs 31:10-31) and let me know your thoughts.
Be blessed and talk to you soon.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Anniversary Celebrations
I just reached another milestone in my life. As of this past Thursday, 6 March 2008, my wife and I have been married for 4 years. I know you may say that it's only 4 years, but it is another year and that should be considered a milestone and a success. We should always look at each year of our marriage as a success, whether it be 2 years or 40 years of marriage. With so many divorces consistently taking place in our society, we need to celebrate each year so that we can look forward to the next year's celebration.
I have been trying to think of a way to celebrate anniversaries so that we all can show people that marriages do work and that marriage is a gift from God. The idea that I came up with to start this anniversary celebration movement is to have a picture slideshow on this blog site of married couples along with the number of years they have been married. I think that alone will serve as a little inspiration to keep things going...or at least I hope so. With that being said, I need you to send me a nice picture of you and your spouse and let me know how many years you have been married and your anniversary date. If you feel that is too much information, then just send me the picture and I will work to get it celebrated. Please send your pictures to cedricwells7@gmail.com .
Thanks in advance for the celebration.
Be blessed and talk to you soon
Friday, February 22, 2008
The Love Languages - Part Two (1 Mar 2008)
I want to continue my discussion of the five love languages. If you have not read the previous post which talks about the first two love languages, please do so to get an understanding of the need for knowing your spouse's love language as well as your own love language. Additionally, let me remind you that these 5 love languages are outlined in greater detail in the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. The remaining three love languages being covered are in bold:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
Receiving Gifts
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
Receiving Gifts
This is the love language that most men would think that their wives fall into. While that may be true for a lot of couples, that is not the case for all. I can honestly say that this is not my wife's primary love language; and I am very thankful because she has very expensive tastes. It is easy to think that this love language requires buying items for your spouse and that's it. It is more than that. If this is your spouse's love language, any present or gift given by you will be received as love. The gift is a physical or visual representation of love. Spending money is not a requirement...you can create your own gifts to give to your spouse. Now this requires thought on your part to determine what you can create or purchase (let's say under $20) that your spouse would truly appreciate. When my wife and I first started dating, she surprised me by sending flowers to my job...and this was withing the first 2 weeks of us dating. I was truly surprised and impressed. I wanted to do or give something to her to show my appreciation. I could have easily gone out and spent money on a gift, but instead, I took one of the flowers that was given to me and created a drawing of that flower, framed it, and presented it to her as a gift of appreciation. She loved it. Creativity plays a big role when fulfilling your spouse's need with this love language. Here is something else that can be done that does not require spending alot of money...go and buy 2 or 3 packs of your spouse's favorite snack or dessert and present it in a small gift bag along with a hand-written note expressing your love and appreciation. That should do it! Matter of fact, I need to do that one soon for my wife :) I hope you get the point I am trying to make with this love language. Now please understand that if this is not your spouse's love language, the gifts will be appreciated, but they will not fill the love bucket of your spouse. That can only be done by expressing the true love language of your spouse.
Acts of Service
To me, this is an interesting love language...especially within marriages. To put it as plainly as possible and as Janet Jackson sang years ago...."what have you done for me lately?". Let me run some things off to you: cooking, making the bed, washing dishes, washing clothes, washing the vehicles, vacuuming, mopping, folding clothes, cutting the grass, putting gas in the vehicles, grocery shopping, bathing the kids (infants and toddlers), putting kids to bed,....shall I go on...I hope you get the point. It's not hard to know what to do to fill your spouse's need if this is their primary love language. Now that you know it, you have to do it. 9 times out of 10, if this is your spouse's primary love language, he or she wants you to take care of things around the house. I know this to be the case from first hand experience...and I am being told that I am still not doing enough :) This love language may require the breaking down of stereotypes, especially when it comes to what the man should do and what the woman should do. Some husbands may feel that it is the wife's responsibility to take care of the household and that it is his responsibility to bring home the bacon and pay the bills. Outside of this mentality being that of a 1930-40-50's family...which is not the case today, this mentality must be thrown out if this is your spouse's love language (specifically if this is the wife's love language). If this is the husband's love language, the couple must be careful not to make the wife feel like a maid and unappreciated. Like I said up front, I find this to be a very interesting love language. For this love language, a good practice you can do each day is ask yourself "What can I do for my spouse today to make them feel good?". If you take action on this question, you will be well on your way to giving your spouse all the love that is needed.
Physical Touch
To fulfill this love language, some type of body contact must take place. There is no alternative method around it. To put this in some type of perspective, think of how much joy and warmth you felt as a child when your mom or dad gave you a hug. Did that not make you feel great?...did that not make you feel loved? Well for those of you out there that get this same feeling when your spouse touches you (whether a hug, a kiss, a rub, or sexual intercourse), "physical touch" very well may be your primary love language. If this is something that your spouse consistently does or wants from you, then you should realize the importance of physical touch within your spouse. It is then important to know where, how, and when to provide the physical touches required by your spouse. No two people are alike and each person has special points on their body that burst in emotion when touched by his or her spouse. You need to invest the time to find out these pleasure locations on your spouse. It could be the caressing of the ear, or the rubbing of the calf, or the kissing of the belly...I will stop there because you should get the picture by now. If you are not a touchy feely person and your spouse is, then you must make adjustments in your lifestyle to ensure your spouse is loved. The fact that you don't like being physically touch will not change your spouse's need to be physically touch. You need to make the necessary adjustments in you life to become accustom to physically touching your spouse. Doing this will eliminate future potential marital issues.
All of these love languages require special attention and must be worked on to master. Taking the time to learn and know your spouse's love language is one of the most valuable investments you can put into your marriage. It will ensure that your spouse's love bucket is always filled. If you don't learn your spouse's love language and no actions are taken, then you open the door to all types of potentially negative and sinful situations...
If your spouse is not feeling the love from you in the love language that is needed, then where are they going to get it from? Do what you have to do to make sure that question is never asked.
I will end this with the last paragraph from Part One of this topic:
When you are looking at these love languages, you must determine what your love language is and what your spouse's love language is. I think it is natural for us to attempt to love our spouse in our own love language. This is a big mistake if your spouse does not share the same love language as you. All you are doing is loving your spouse the way that you want to be loved. While you may think you are showing your spouse all the love you have, he or she will not receive what they are looking for because it's in the wrong love language.
Let me know your thoughts.
Be blessed and talk to you soon.
Friday, February 1, 2008
The Love Languages - Part One (10 Feb 2008)
I want to take time to share something with you that I have found to be very beneficial in my marriage. It is a piece of knowledge about your spouse and yourself that has to be learned. The knowledge that I am referring to is our "love language". This is the language that when expressed/communicated to you, you feel loved and appreciated...you feel the love of your spouse. If your love language is not expressed/communicated to you properly, then you may feel some emptiness because that emotional need is not being fulfilled. And it goes the other way also, if you don't express/communicate love to your spouse the way he or she needs to receive it, then your spouse may not be fulfilled. It is your responsibility as a spouse to know how the other half needs to be loved. Once you know that, then you have to take the steps of showing your spouse LOVE in the language that they understand.
Let's briefly discuss 2 of the 5 love languages that are outlined in the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. They are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
This is the verbal or written praise/appreciation given to you or your spouse. Do you love to hear your spouse say "I love you" or "you look beautiful or handsome"? Or maybe you like to see short love notes expressing feelings of appreciation and love. If you are miserable when you don't receive statements or compliments such as these, then "Words of Affirmation" may be your love language. When it comes to "words of affirmation", it doesn't have to be all about "I Love U's" and "U Look So Good To Me's". Words of affirmation can be as simple as saying to your spouse, "Baby, thank you for cleaning the kitchen tonite" or "Baby, you really put your foot in that Macarroni & Cheese". This love language is simply telling or writing to let your spouse know how you appreciate them or an activity that they have done. I see it as one of the easiest things we can do in our marriage...give your spouse a compliment. Even though it is that simple, many of us may not even do that. If we do, we may not do it enough. Words of affirmation help to build your spouse up. I can honestly say that I do enjoy when my wife tells me that she appreciates me as a husband and a father. To hear that coming from my wife helps to put the icing on the cake when I wonder how I am doing as a father and a husband. My wife's words help affirm that I am ok in those categories. Nonetheless, this is not my primary love language. I score this as my #2 love language.
Quality Time
I may not need to say much on this because the name says it all..."quality time". How much time does your spouse need with you or how much time do you need from your spouse? This means more than just sitting in a room with your spouse watching T.V. This love language requires 100% focus on your spouse or on you. A person with this love language as priority #1 may only need 30 complete minutes a day or even less to fulfill their need. Then again, 1 or 2 hours may be needed to fulfill the love need. Something as little as an intimate conversation could be just the right thing to show love. While intimate conversation is extremely important when spending quality time with your spouse, there are other things that can be done to fulfill the quality time need. One such thing is doing an activity with your spouse that he or she loves. If your spouse loves bowling, then that would be a great quality activity the two of you could do that would provide quality time to your marriage. It will show your spouse that you love and care about the things they enjoy and that you are willing to invest the time to enjoy the activity with them. The activity may be something that you both enjoy which will make it all the better. If this is your spouse's love language, then you must make time in your busy schedule to spend the time with your spouse. Nothing else will fulfill the need that your spouse has.
When you are looking at these love languages, you must determine what your love language is and what your spouse's love language is. I think it is natural for us to attempt to love our spouse in our own love language. This is a big mistake if your spouse does not share the same love language as you. All you are doing is loving your spouse the way that you want to be loved. While you may think you are showing your spouse all the love you have, he or she will not receive what they are looking for because it's in the wrong love language. I hope I am making sense to you on this subject.
In my next posting, I will continue this discussion by covering the remaining 3 love languages...receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. FYI...if your spouse's love language is receiving gifts, please remember to get them a gift for Valentine's Day this week.
Let me know your thoughts on the two love languages discussed in this posting.
Be blessed and talk to you soon.
Let's briefly discuss 2 of the 5 love languages that are outlined in the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. They are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
This is the verbal or written praise/appreciation given to you or your spouse. Do you love to hear your spouse say "I love you" or "you look beautiful or handsome"? Or maybe you like to see short love notes expressing feelings of appreciation and love. If you are miserable when you don't receive statements or compliments such as these, then "Words of Affirmation" may be your love language. When it comes to "words of affirmation", it doesn't have to be all about "I Love U's" and "U Look So Good To Me's". Words of affirmation can be as simple as saying to your spouse, "Baby, thank you for cleaning the kitchen tonite" or "Baby, you really put your foot in that Macarroni & Cheese". This love language is simply telling or writing to let your spouse know how you appreciate them or an activity that they have done. I see it as one of the easiest things we can do in our marriage...give your spouse a compliment. Even though it is that simple, many of us may not even do that. If we do, we may not do it enough. Words of affirmation help to build your spouse up. I can honestly say that I do enjoy when my wife tells me that she appreciates me as a husband and a father. To hear that coming from my wife helps to put the icing on the cake when I wonder how I am doing as a father and a husband. My wife's words help affirm that I am ok in those categories. Nonetheless, this is not my primary love language. I score this as my #2 love language.
Quality Time
I may not need to say much on this because the name says it all..."quality time". How much time does your spouse need with you or how much time do you need from your spouse? This means more than just sitting in a room with your spouse watching T.V. This love language requires 100% focus on your spouse or on you. A person with this love language as priority #1 may only need 30 complete minutes a day or even less to fulfill their need. Then again, 1 or 2 hours may be needed to fulfill the love need. Something as little as an intimate conversation could be just the right thing to show love. While intimate conversation is extremely important when spending quality time with your spouse, there are other things that can be done to fulfill the quality time need. One such thing is doing an activity with your spouse that he or she loves. If your spouse loves bowling, then that would be a great quality activity the two of you could do that would provide quality time to your marriage. It will show your spouse that you love and care about the things they enjoy and that you are willing to invest the time to enjoy the activity with them. The activity may be something that you both enjoy which will make it all the better. If this is your spouse's love language, then you must make time in your busy schedule to spend the time with your spouse. Nothing else will fulfill the need that your spouse has.
When you are looking at these love languages, you must determine what your love language is and what your spouse's love language is. I think it is natural for us to attempt to love our spouse in our own love language. This is a big mistake if your spouse does not share the same love language as you. All you are doing is loving your spouse the way that you want to be loved. While you may think you are showing your spouse all the love you have, he or she will not receive what they are looking for because it's in the wrong love language. I hope I am making sense to you on this subject.
In my next posting, I will continue this discussion by covering the remaining 3 love languages...receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. FYI...if your spouse's love language is receiving gifts, please remember to get them a gift for Valentine's Day this week.
Let me know your thoughts on the two love languages discussed in this posting.
Be blessed and talk to you soon.
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