I received an email from my cousin a couple of days ago and he mentioned that he and his wife went on a date this past weekend. That caught my attention because my wife and I also went on a date this past weekend...a movie and dinner. It was one of the few times that we get to spend alone time together. Why? Kids! While children are a true blessing, they are one of the many things that occupy our time and hinder couples from spending that needed alone time together. Other things that may hinder time together could be work, school, outside organizations, T.V., friends, family, and even church activities. It is very important to spend that time with your loved one...just the two of you. As my wife tells me...it's not a date if there are children with us.
What's the importance of it? It allows you to keep that initial spark that the two of you had when you first started dating. It allows you to appreciate your spouse all over again...to have fun, or at least I hope you have fun and you are not at each other's throats during the entire date. For me, it allows the opportunity to talk to my wife without any interruptions, and it forces us to communicate. I'm not saying that we don't communicate when we are home with the kids; but when you are at a table sitting across from each other, there is nothing between or on the side of you that will interrupt what you have to say to each other. It's almost like we are more at ease, calm, and open with each other when we are on a date...as though my wife's mind is clearly focused on me and what I have to say (she's not thinking about work or anything else). It goes the other way also. I am clearly focused on my wife and attentive to everything she says. It is a great getaway, because once back home, the distractions will be there and then I may only pay attention to 25% of what my wife is saying. Just kidding!
Now I must say that I don't ask my wife out on dates as much as I should. I am to blame for that, but when we do go out, I love it...whether it be for 2 hours for 4 hours, 2 or 5 times per month. My challenge is to include more dates into our relationship. It is very hard these days due to schedule, but where there is a will, there is a way. One idea that I have is to meet up for quick lunches during the week whenever possible. That alone is a great challenge. I know this may not pertain to those couples without children or the more seasoned couples that have all their children (grown) out of the house. My question to the seasoned couples is, what type of dates did you go on when your kids were younger and at home?...what other activities did you do together as a couple without the kids?
To all couples, how often do you go on dates?...twice a month?...10 times a month? What is the right number? I guess that depends on your family situation. The more children, less time...less children, more time. The key appears to be to make time regardless of your family situation. I think you run the risk of losing touch with each other if you don't spend this alone time with each other.
What are your thoughts?
Be blessed and talk to you later.
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3 comments:
For us, I have had to take the lead on ensuring we date. We, too, did dinner and a movie (I slept through the movie) last weekend and it's wonderful to get away! With 2 little kids, one thing that helps us is the schedule we have put them on from day one. They get baths at 6:30 and are in bed at 7:30p. They know that they have no choice in the matter. A lot of times, my 3 year old will lay in his bed awake until he falls asleep. Some call it crazy, but we feel pretty smart about it!! We can then chose what we do for the rest of the evening. The house is peaceful, the kids have soft music playing in their individual rooms, and we just unwind. The other thing that has been helpful is to schedule the dates out. Once a month, I have a sitter come in on a certain day...I typically schedule her two months in advance. I have her scheduled in December and January already.
Lastly, we make it appoint to go away without the kids every anniversary for a week or so. We have the grandparents come up to stay and we go off to do us! :-)
Though we aren't that seasoned, this works for us.
Mrs. LaLa
Mrs. LaLa, it is interesting that you say that you have to take the lead. I personally find it easier when my wife asks to go to the movies or any other type of dating activity. My schedule seems to be more flexible when my wife wants to go out. When I ask, many times my wife's schedule is less flexible. Is this the case in most households? It may be true that we, men, should make the effort to ensure we continue to date our wife; but, when we do, our wives need to be sure to accept the offer. This gives us the motivation to continue to take the initiative to plan "date night".
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