Our Happy Marriage

Do You Know How To Talk?

2012-01-25T22:54:00.004-05:00

When you read the title of this discussion, I know most of you said, "Of course I know how to talk". And I bet many of you can talk with the best of them...probably talking too much. Now let me add three more words to this same question.

Do you know how to talk to your spouse?

Now if you are a prideful person, you may immediately say "YES". For everyone else, this question should cause you to pause, think for a second, and then ask "Do I really know how to talk to my spouse effectively?". I am going to go out on a limb and say that if you are asking yourself this question, you are on the "I want to have a healthy marriage" path. And double this if your spouse is asking this same question.

You should consider being able to speak to your spouse appropriately and effectively as a form of art. You can create a masterpiece of communication, or you can create a mess that neither of you wants to look at. The way you communicate with your spouse should be in a manner they best receive it. To do this, it is a must that you know your spouse... know their mannerisms... know their likes and dislikes ... recognize and understand how your spouse communicates with you ... and even know you spouse's family history (how was he or she raised). With all these factors, you should be able to discern the best way to communicate.

I think many people make the mistake of communicating with their spouse the way they themselves want to be communicated to. BIG mistake. Your spouse is not you. Your spouse does not have the same personality as you ... your spouse did not grow up in your home ... your spouse may not have the same cultural background as you do. You can go on and on identifying ways that make your spouse different than you. The important thing to know is that your spouse has his or her own way they communicate. Find out what it is and adjust your delivery.

Your marriage can get stronger and stronger when you start to master this thing called "communicating effectively". It's also probably one of the toughest things to get good at, let alone master, in your marriage. Just think about it. If you master communicating with your spouse, there will be nothing that you can't accomplish together ... no trial that you can't get through.

If you and your spouse are not talking to each other right now (effectively), take a step back and evaluate yourself first. Do I talk to loud? ... To soft? ... To harsh? ... To calmly? ... To direct? ... To bland? Be sure to use the right mix for the appropriate conversation. Your outgoing communication style has to be catered for your spouse ... not you. On the flip side, let your spouse know how you want to be communicated to. Open up your paths for great communication.

Do you know how to talk to your spouse? YES ... and you are getting better.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

The SAFE ... My Security

2012-01-04T11:09:00.002-05:00

As I am sure all of you know, being married always has its ups and downs. The challenge is to always have more ups than downs. This most definitely gives you a better chance at having a long lasting marriage. One of the "ups" that should always be present is that of security.

Now the discussion of security within marriage can be dissected into many different areas ... all depending on the point of view you are taking. For our discussion today, I want to look at it from two perspectives ... female view and male view.

On the female side of this, security is all about physical safety ... safety of the body, safety of the family, safety of the home. When a woman marries a man, there is an assurance that the husband is there and will be there to protect. He will be there to stand up against anything or anyone that threatens his wife. If for some reason the husband is not there (figuratively) to protect his wife, the comfort of security a wife needs can be severely damaged.

Guys, this is why we can't half-step when we say "I DO". I don't want to take this into a deep religious discussion, but the Man upstairs is entrusting us to be the "head of household", the "protector of family", the "security blanket" for your wife. Step up and be "THE SAFE" you are called to be.

Now ladies, we husbands need you to be our SAFE also. What do we need protected? Our inner most thoughts and feelings ... our dreams. You all know that we are not the best communicators when it comes to expressing our feelings. So the little we do shed out to you, please protect this information. Please respect this information. Please don't discount this information. If for some reason the wife chooses to de-value our thoughts/feelings/dreams, you can potentially say goodbye to the husband confiding in the wife about certain things. There is the potential the husband will look for another confidant to run his thoughts/feelings/dreams by. Not the route we want things to go.

So ladies, receive the words from your husbands with patience, understanding, and love. Be "THE SAFE" so that he feels secure to tell you any and everything that's on his mind.

Remember, the most secure place is a safe. Be "THE SAFE".

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

I Wonder Are They Married?

2011-12-23T01:33:00.008-05:00

So often in today’s society, many couples are choosing to be cohabitants without having the bond of holy matrimony associated with them. In other cases, some married couples are choosing not to wear their wedding rings for one reason or another. I’m not done yet. Some married couples’ interaction with each other, both in public and private settings, cause many to ask… “I wonder are they married?”.

When God brought Adam and Eve together, I am pretty sure they knew they were joined in a union and I bet all the animals knew it also. I can assume they spent a lot of time together and their love for each other showed. As married couples, we need to act like Adam and Eve. We need to be on and around each other (with your spouse) like we are the only two people on earth…joined at the hip physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Why these three areas? Well with the physical part, you need to show your spouse that you love his or her presence close to you…you love the touch, the hold, the kiss, the love. Emotionally, you want to let your spouse know that you feel the happiness or pain that he or she may encounter on a daily basis...you are going through life with them experiencing the ups and downs…you are laughing with them and also crying with them. On the spiritual side, this is the glue that keeps things together. You must be joined here. Even when the other two areas (physical & emotional) are a little shaky, it is your spiritual connection that will keep you together.

Now when you are on point with all three of these areas, I can’t imagine anyone looking at the two of you wondering if you are married. As couples joined in holy matrimony, it is our responsibility to show the world what it means to be married. Show how we enjoy each other and then turn around and show how we make it through the toughest situations in life together.

We need to be a beacon! Shining so that other couples will see and understand that marriage can work with work in your marriage. As we approach 2012, let’s get ready to shine our marriages to the world more than we did in 2011.

So when someone looks at my wife and I and ask the question…”I wonder are they married?”; they will look again and simply say…”Oh yeah, they’re married!”.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

The Plants...Part 2

2011-12-19T22:29:00.005-05:00

In “The Plants…Part 1”, I spoke about how it’s important to get rid of the dead leaves in your marriage. This will give your marriage more room to grow in the areas where the “dead leaves” once occupied.

Now there is another interesting situation with house plants that marriages can take notes on. Once the “new leaves” in your potted plant have grown out, what happens when there is no more room in the pot for additional growth? Absolutely nothing happens because there is no room for anything else to grow. That’s where repotting comes in. You have to enlarge the pot so the plant has the additional room to grow larger and produce even more leaves.

In your marriage, you have to analyze your situation with your spouse to determine if you are limiting the growth of your marriage. Maybe you need to repot your marriage in a larger pot.

How do you repot your marriage? The sky is the limit. Maybe you introduce a new activity into your marriage for you and your spouse to do. Maybe you completely switch chores with your spouse. I will never forget when my wife came to me and stated that she was going to cut the grass. Now let me paint the picture here...

My wife is from NYC where grass appears to be limited only to Central Park. Additionally, there have been only a few times when her shoes have been in the grass for more than 5 minutes. Now you can imagine my surprise when she said “Babe, I’m going to cut the grass” and then actually started cutting the grass. Notice I said “started”. She did do most of it and has not touched the lawnmower since that historic day.

Now what did that do for me? It expanded my appreciation for my wife. It also made me think of identifying things that I can do that she normally does. I would like to think that I came up with something but don’t remember (smile).

When it comes to repotting your marriage, you have to expand your heart, expand your love, and expand your mind to consider any and all future possibilities…possibilities to do different things and go different places.

Just be sure to give your marriage the room it needs to grow.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

80 Year Old Love

2011-12-11T19:25:00.006-05:00

Trips in the middle of nowhere will show you some of the most interesting things. Early this year, I was on a business trip in Plainville, CT. Yep…a very small city somewhere on the outskirts of Hartford, CT. Upon arriving into the town, I immediately checked into the hotel and headed to a seafood restaurant I read about in the town (the food was awesome and they gave huge portions).

While at this restaurant, I noticed there were a lot of seasoned couples there. And when I say seasoned, I mean 80 to 90 years old seasoned. Seasoned to where it took some of them all of several minutes to walk from their table to the front door as they were leaving. Regardless of how long it took them, it was great seeing these couples enjoying themselves for an evening out on the town. To see the patience they had with each other was humbling. I could only sit there and imagine all the memories they have experienced with each other over the years.

I then began to picture my life with my spouse at the age of +80 years. I wondered what we will look like. I wondered how fast will we glide across the floor of the restaurant at that age. Just picturing that future gave and continues to give me encouragement to make sure my wife and I continue to love each other in ways that will give us the best chance at making our marriage last well into our 80s.

Visualizing your marriage in the future is a great roadmap you can use to chart your marital path. Yes it is a long path when you’re looking 40 to 50 years down the road, but it gives you a long term goal to shoot for…wrinkles and all.

Love hard and love true.
C Wells

The Plants…Part 1

2011-12-08T17:37:00.006-05:00

My Mom came to visit about a month ago and you know what Moms like to do when they come visit…find things to clean or straighten up, or correct minor things they feel could be better…without stepping on anyone’s toes (especially the wife’s toes). During her visit, one specific area she felt she could improve was the maintenance of a couple of our house plants. You see, I have had these two plants for about 9 years (yep, they’re still hangin in there). Some of the leaves tend to die off while new ones come in, and unfortunately I don’t always pull the dead leaves out to ensure the new leaves have the proper room to grow. Well, my mom took the time to pull out and cut all the dead leaves; giving the plants more freedom to produce new leaves and it gave both plants a much better appearance.

In marriage, there are a lot of different things, like the dead plant leaves, that occupy space and time that hinder a marriage from growing. And guess what? We are all too busy/not concerned enough to pull and cut those things out of our marriage. Like the dead leaves, these items can have a huge impact on your marriage if they are just left there to occupy critical space and time.

What are these things…these dead leaves that sit untouched in your marriage? It could be anything. Maybe it’s a long lasting disagreement you and your spouse had about something that was never fully resolved. Maybe it’s a financial situation you are in that you both choose to ignore. It could be anything that has the potential to cause a riff in your marriage. Whatever it is, if left untouched, it will continue to occupy valuable space in your marriage…taking up an area that is eagerly waiting to experience something new that will enhance the look and growth of your marriage.

Just as my mom did, you need to take the time out of your busy schedules to focus on pulling & cutting the dead leaves in your marriage. As you do this, sit back and watch the new leaves grow into your marriage.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

C Wells

Love The One You Love

2011-11-08T09:07:00.004-05:00

Relationships are tough. Sometimes they are so tough you just want to throw in the tile. But you know, that may not be the right choice. So what do you do then?

Maybe since I’m miserable, I might as well make it miserable for everyone around me also. Yeah, I know, this is my spouse and I shouldn’t try to make a tough situation even worse by dogging out my spouse or just trying to do things to make my spouse feel bad. Hold up! Is it not my spouse that got us in this mess? Since my spouse is the closest person to me each day, doesn’t it make sense to take whatever frustration I have out on my spouse? Look, I’m not talking about any type of physical abuse. I just want to see or feel my spouse feeling bad or be in a bad mood because I’m in a bad mood. We both need to share in this pain. You feel me?

Ok, I’m back. I had to get that out to show just how ridiculous it is to treat the one you love like you despise him or her. No matter what type of situation you may be going through in your relationship, please remember that you love the person sitting on the other side of the relationship. Because of that, you need to love the one you love. If the two of you truly love each other, it is going to be that love that gets you through the tough times you will face in your life and in your relationship. Learn to lean on each other through the situations so that your love can mature. This maturity will allow you to always love the one you love no matter what your relationship is faced with.

Love hard and love true.

Let me know your thoughts.

C Wells

LOOK Like You Want It

2011-07-23T23:49:00.005-04:00

What did you do when you first laid eyes on your spouse? For the women, you probably just played it off as though you didn’t see him. For the men, you probably looked and continued to look until you got some type of return look from her. To this day my wife claims she caught me looking at her butt in church…saying that she could feel some eyes burning into her backside. Well…

How did you look at your spouse on your wedding day as you both stood looking into each other’s eyes? Was it a look of “I’m ready to tear your clothes off rite now” or maybe “I’m ready to start this loving journey with you and no one else”? Regardless of the meaning behind the look, I’m sure it was a look of “want” and “need” of the other person. It was a look to get your spouse’s attention…to let them know that they mean something to you.

As couples, we must continually show that we want and desire each other by looking at them in a manner that says “you are the love of my life and I want you”. Regardless of whether your spouse needs these consistent looks, it will let them know subconsciously that my spouse wants me.

What are the pros for giving “THE LOOK”?

1.Pro: Your spouse will know you desire them
2.Pro: Your spouse will have alluring thoughts of you being a promiscuous lover…which in my eyes is always a good thing in a relationship

What are the cons for not giving “THE LOOK”?

1.Con: There is no physical interest being shown to your spouse
2.Con: Due to lack of physical interest being shown, someone else might catch your spouse’s eye when they realize someone is checking them out

The 2nd Con is the last thing that any relationship needs entering it. You have to do what you have to do and make sure your spouse feels the needed desire.

So the next time you see your spouse, look at them like they are the only other person on the planet with you and you just found them after 1 year of searching the earth. See what the reaction is to “THE LOOK”.

Let us know your thoughts.

What 7 Year Itch?

2011-06-18T15:22:00.005-04:00

There is a saying out there that every marriage goes through a 7 year itch during the 7th year of marriage. I have always wondered what is the “itch” that some people supposedly encounter during this time. Is it an itch to be with someone else romantically? Is it an itch to have companionship with someone else? Is it an itch of being tired of looking at that same face every day and every night over the past 7 years? Or is it just a myth?

I always wondered if I was going to have a 7 year itch and if I were to have one, what was it going to be. Was I going to fall into some type of trance which would lead me off in a path of destruction to my marriage? Or would I sail through the 7 year mark unscathed of any negative traps that supposedly arise during this critical year of marriage?

I had to dig a little deeper into this one; so I asked my wife directly what she thought about the 7 year itch. She threw something at me that made complete sense. She stated that the 7 year itch doesn’t necessarily have to involve actions or feelings external of a marriage. It could simply be the need for internal adjustments within the marriage. Let me explain. By now, a married couple should know each other very well. With that, many monthly, weekly, and even daily activities run like clockwork…especially if you have kids which require some form of standardization with daily routines. Unfortunately, when something is done over and over and over again, you now have a recurring cycle. Eventually portions of that recurring cycle may honestly get boring.

What’s the catch here? The catch is that you have to catch this situation before it gets out of hand and before the marriage falls into a boring lapse of stagnation. If left unnoticed, that internal need for adjustment could potentially lead down the wrong path…the opening of the front door leading to the outside.

Well, my wife and I made it to our 7th year of marriage this year and we are supposedly now in that critical year of our life together. I can honestly say that no thoughts have come over me to leave my wife or step out on my wife or do anything that will dishonor my wife or marriage. Now with that being said, we consistently realize that we must keep things interesting in our marriage…keeping the surprises coming at each other…while at the same time maintaining the consistent scheduling of 3 kids. Is everything perfect? Heck no. But are we working towards perfection? I like to think that we are trying :)

All in all, I would say there is a 7 year itch only if you create it. My suggestion…don’t create it. Love your spouse in as many different ways possible…keeping things interesting and exciting.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed,
C Wells

Is It "Air Tight"?

2010-01-28T22:04:00.007-05:00

As I was traveling back from Mississippi to Atlanta this past weekend on I-20, I ran up on the back end of a heavy rain storm…and the rain was coming down to the point of only 30 to 40 yards of visibility sitting in front of me. As I traveled along listening to some old school Lauryn Hill, I felt a big drop of water hit my left arm by the door. First thing to pop into my head was “What the ….?” ( I thought it…didn’t say it). I immediately started feeling around the top seal of the window and door checking for a gap, or an opening, or even a wet spot to determine where the water came from. I even checked over my head around the sunroof. I found nothing. I pressed the window button (close) to see if I could hear some movement in the window to confirm the window was cracked a little…there was no movement. It appeared that all windows and sunroof were closed completely. At that point, I asked myself, “How did that drop of water get in the truck?”. At that moment, God schooled me on something.

There I was in my vehicle with all the windows closed. The many raindrops were hitting the vehicle as though they were trying to get inside the vehicle to consume me, but the vehicle was protecting me from the raindrops. Then the relationship with my wife and family popped into my head. There are so many negative items that try to attack us each day, whether spiritual, mental, or physical. With so many negative things of the world attacking relationships these days, we must have something/someone to protect us so that our marriages are not infiltrated. For me, I realize that protector is God. He is that vehicle that you can comfortably sit in and be protected from everything that is trying to get at/in your relationship with your spouse.

Ask yourself what negative activities/people/feelings are trying to plant themselves in your marriage. Once you identify them, ask for God’s protection against them for your relationship. I find that He is the best option leading to an “Air Tight” relationship. Note that I said “leading to” in that statement. While God is perfect, we as humans are not. Therefore, there is no guarantee that a “raindrop” won’t fall on your marriage; but with God’s protection from all the other “raindrops”, you can easily wipe those few negative “raindrops” off and enjoy the positive aspects of marriage with your spouse.

Just remember, God is your best option to ensure you have an “Air Tight” marriage. Use Him!

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone

WHAT IS YOUR MEASURE OF SUCCESS?...

2009-12-02T23:04:00.004-05:00

The question that I ask myself is..."What do I want to be remembered for?". My answer to this question has become my lifelong measure of success. When I first dug into this question, I jotted down many things ranging from "remembered for creating meaningful and beautiful art" and "remembered for being fair and just in my business practices". I do feel these are very important in my life, but they were not in my Top 3.

My Top 3 "What do I want to be remembered for?" or my "Measure of Success" are:

1. I am known as a great husband, father, grandfather (one day in the distant future), and friend.
2. I tried helping people on a global scale
3. I showed the world I was a man of God by living a Godly life

Going forward, try to periodically ask yourself what do you want to be remembered for when you leave this life on earth. Answering this question honestly will put things in perspective and may cause you to make adjustments in your life to allow yourself to reach that level of success that you truly want to be remembered for. Reaching this won't come over night, but it will put you on a journey that will be full of many success stories along the way.

Take care and be blessed.

Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone

Don't Discount Your Marriage

2009-07-16T00:09:00.008-04:00

How often do you notice situations in a family member or a friend’s marriage that you feel you can provide advice on? Or, what about when a friend or family member approaches you or your spouse asking for marital advise. And what if this comes from a couple which has been married 5 or 8 years longer than you have? Do you feel under-qualified attempting to give advice to the couple? Do you say to yourself, what advice can I give since I have only been married for “a single digit number” of years?

I admit, I have told myself this a number of times over the years. However, over the years I have come to realize that every couple, new and old, has a story to tell that could help another couple learn something new and grow within their marriage. Now there may be some situations where you know you can’t provide advice from experience on. Nonetheless, when you encounter an opportunity to provide beneficial advice on situations that you and your spouse went through, don’t hesitate telling your story.

Even if you are currently in the trenches with your marriage, you should still be willing to tell your story to a friend or family member that may be headed down the same path. Your candidness may be just what another couple needs to make it through the situation within their marriage.

Just remember that no marriage is perfect; however, don’t discount your marriage when an opportunity arises to help another married couple with advice. Don’t be intimidated by older married couples. Learn from them and also be willing to teach them. Your daily actions alone may be one of the most powerful tools you can use to give advice to other married couples. Just be sure to recognize the fullness of your marriage and give 100%.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone

The Dream Team

2009-07-09T00:08:00.003-04:00

To be married is to be part of a team. As a married couple, you should have a purpose and that purpose should be something that you provide to the world.

You can see how some married couples operate as teams when you see them as pastors of a church, as owners of a family business, or as coaches of sports teams.

While those are more public examples, there are some couples that make up great teams without public attention. These are the couples that love offering hospitality to others…couples that offer a listening ear to those that need to express their feelings…couples that provide encouragement to others…and even couples that provide a nurturing environment to raise children.

There are so many purposes that a marriage can have. As you move forward in your marriage, take the time to think about how you and your spouse work together as a team…within your family, within your house, within your relationships with friends, within your spiritual activities, and most important within your walk with God.

I think every couple should strive to show the world what it truly means to be married. We should be a beacon for why God created marriage…a family representation of God. Let’s do our part and make it happen.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

"My space"...can I have it?

2009-05-17T16:10:00.007-04:00

"My space"..."Me time"..."Peace and Quiet". How important is this in a marriage? We all need our own space and time by ourselves in a marriage...away from the spouse...away from the kid(s). There is nothing negative about this. This space, however long it may be, can be a time of reflection, a time of rejuvenation, or just a time of relaxation.

I think some confusion from the spouse may come when they see what is being done during this "Me Time". For guys, we may want to go hang with the boys or go play a round of golf; while the ladies my want to go to the spa for the day with her girlfriends. Heck, it may only involve some quiet time in the house alone. As a husband or wife, you need to respect what your spouse wants to do during that peaceful time and trust that nothing is being done to hurt, harm, or destroy your family. Just know that your spouse had a life before the two of you were married and you will not have 100% identical interests.

Sometimes the chaos of the family can be overwhelming and just downright tiring. As a loving spouse, you need to be attentive in recognizing when your spouse needs a break from the chaos. At that point, you should volunteer to clear out the house by taking the kid(s) out for the day so that your spouse can enjoy some relaxation time alone. Now you would hope that this is returned in favor when you need it also; but don’t do it expecting it to be returned to you. Do it because of the love, compassion, and consideration you have for your spouse.

At this point I have discussed you allowing your spouse to have some peace and quiet time. Don’t forget about yourself. If your spouse never offers to take the kid(s) out for a while so that you can relax, then ask for it. Or plan an event for yourself and let your spouse know when you want to do the event. In many cases, your “my space” opportunities are not going to manifest on its own…you will have to make these opportunities happen. When you get your “my space” time, make the most of it so that you are reenergized to enhance your marriage and family.

Think of it like this…what happens when you put new batteries in something? It operates at its highest potential. That should be the case with you and your spouse after you get your “me time”. You and your spouse should be operating on all cylinders within your family and marriage.

So to answer the question, “My space…can I have it?”. YES...because you need to be operating at your best for your spouse and family.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone

Take Care of Home

2009-05-13T23:32:00.007-04:00

Home is where the heart is. If your heart is somewhere else, then how can you take care of what you have at home? If your heart is not at home, then where is it? When you said “I Do” on that day that you will always remember, you did not say these two words for nothing. I would assume you said “I Do” commit to be there with and for my spouse always. You may have also stated “I Will” during that very special day you were joined with your spouse.

“I Will”. The words “I Will” to me depict never ending action. “I Will” love my spouse always. “I Will” give my all to my marriage. “I Will” provide my spouse with all that I have. “I Will” ensure that my spouse feels secure within our marriage. Both you and I can go on and on thinking of more “I Will” statements that apply to what a marriage should consist of. The question that must be personally asked is…what “Will I” do in my marriage to ensure it lasts?

When you are joined in marriage with your spouse, at that point in time, there should be only one relationship more important than your relationship with your spouse…and that is your relationship with God (or at least that is the case for me). Other than that, no other relationship should come before your relationship with your spouse. Now please don’t get confused when I say relationship. I am not speaking solely of relationships with people. Think of “relationship” as “priority”. Now ask yourself, do I have something prioritized above my spouse?...is my job prioritized higher than my spouse?...are family and friends prioritized higher than my spouse?...is church prioritized higher than my spouse?...are my dreams and aspirations prioritized higher than my spouse?

These are questions that you have to ask your inner self. No one can answer them for you. If you are honest with yourself and realize that you have something prioritized higher than your spouse and marriage, you need to make an immediate change so that you can take care of your marriage…take care of home. This may require taking a break from an activity that you love or temporarily putting your goals and aspirations on hold. In extreme cases, it may require a career change.

You have to do what you have to do to make your marriage work and last. If you don’t take care of home (your spouse), you may not have a home to go to one day. Make a declaration…”I Will” take care of “home” so that “home” will take care of me.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone

Time Spent Together are Memories Forever...by Wifey Wells

2009-04-04T22:58:00.004-04:00

In relationships, time can get away from us very quickly. As couples, we have to deal with work, children, their school and their activities. Additionally, we have to make time to keep the household running properly… chores need to be addressed and errands need to be tackled.

With having all of these responsibilities, sometimes it can seem nearly impossible for spouses to spend time with one another. When we age and turn gray, what memories will we have to share with our children and our grandchildren?

Lately, I see how time has been escaping me and my husband. I do remember there was a time in our marriage where we made time for each other. Now, it’s really about the jobs and the children. With us adding to the family this coming summer, I can only imagine that us spending time alone is a thing of the past. This just isn’t a good thing for married couples. I admit that I am guilty of not making time to do things with my husband; but a lot of the problem is having someone to keep the children. I am one of those mothers who prefer not leaving her children with other people. There are very few people that we trust with our children. The people who we trust have children of their own, so sometimes I feel like we can be imposing. I think it’s just something that I have to get over personally because our network of parents don’t mind having our kids over. I know I can’t continue to use this as an excuse as God has surrounded us with so much loving support.

Last night, after putting our youngest to bed, my husband and I watched an hour of television together. I cannot remember the last time we did that. It was actually really nice to sit there with him in the family room while watching something that I really had no interest in. It wasn’t the television show that I was enjoying; it was the company of my husband that I was taking advantage of.

With knowing how important marriage is, I want to do everything possible to ensure that my marriage stays solid. I want to be confident in knowing that husband is always going to be my husband and my best friend. With this acknowledgement, I am going to make a commitment to my husband. My commitment is to make the time needed for “US” to have those moments that are going to be cherished forever. This in turn will not only benefit my husband and me, it will also benefit our children. Our children will grow to understand how important relationships are and how important it is to spend time with the one you love.

Your Spouse is Not the Enemy

2009-04-02T06:16:00.003-04:00

Having your spouse accessible at all times can have its challenges sometimes. Because of the close proximity of your spouse, you may tend to take your spouse for granted…not purposely. Also, not purposely, we may sometimes treat our spouse unfairly due to other situations experienced outside of the home that has nothing to do with the spouse. How fair and loving is that?

I know life can throw some hard balls our way at times…work…finances…sickness…loss of loved ones…plus many other life challenges. It is important to realize that in these times, your spouse is not the enemy working against you, but is your teammate…your partner…your ally. Start utilizing your spouse for one of the main reasons God put you together…as a Help Mate. Use your spouse to help you get through those tough days at the office by talking about the challenges you faced that day. Talk to your spouse about the pains that you feel or the disappointments you experience throughout the week. This should not only make you feel better, but it will bring the two of you closer as a couple.

As you continue to practice this within your marriage, you both will realize that only the devil is the enemy in any challenging situation and he can be defeated. Be sure to use your help mate…your ally…your spouse to defeat and overcome any challenges you face in life.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone

To My Wife of 5 Years

2009-03-06T06:26:00.002-05:00

Baby Doll,

5 years ago we both said “I DO” to a lifetime commitment. I never thought it would be this exciting. We have had our ups and downs over these 5 years, but we have always come out on top of any situation encountered. I must say that there is no one else in this world that I would have wanted to experience those ups and downs with.

I would like to thank you for all that you have brought into my life…from the kids to companionship, from love to laughter, and for helping me build my relationship with God.

As we continue on this journey of commitment with each other, I hope I can continue to give you all that you deserve and need.

All my love to you,

Hubby

(Go to Proverbs 18:22 to receive your original letter from me)

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

The Gift of Life

2008-10-27T00:17:00.003-04:00

I quickly want to share my good news on this blog. With marriage, some couples choose to grow their family while others choose not to. Well, I just want to say that my wife and I will be growing our family by one. Sometime next summer, a new blessing will be added to the Wells' household.

I anticipate the next 7 or 8 months being another interesting journey. I know there is a lot to be learned during this process...as it was during the other pregnancy 4 years ago. I look forward to whatever comes...especially the daily husband to-do-list :(

That's all. Just wanted to share my news.

Take care and talk to you soon.

Touch Me, Speak To Me....Only in Love

2008-10-19T15:25:00.011-04:00

A week or so ago I received some very disturbing news. One of my former co-workers committed suicide. When I heard the news, my mind immediately raced to figure out why this beautiful young lady would take her life. My memories of her only include her smiles and that she was extremely active and spirited. I could not think of anything that would give her an inkling of taking her life. I was then told that her parents requested that no gifts or flowers be sent on her behalf, but they did have a request for donations. Her parents requested that donations be sent to a shelter for battered women. Yeah, I couldn't believe either. That was the last thing that would have cross my mind...and it still didn't.

Simply put, as a married couple, neither the husband nor wife should ever put his or her hands (or any object) on the other in anger. Why would you have to? We should all have enough self control to refrain from such behavior. We should have enough sense to walk away from the situation if needed. It's not about being "The Man" or being "Miss Independent Woman"...it's about being a man and woman of God.

Now you may be saying that women don't do anything to abuse men; and I guess that may be true most of the time with physical abuse. However, there are other types of abuse that women may be the culprit of...along with men. The Mouth/Tongue. The Bible says in James 3:5 "So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do". Verbal abuse can occur so often in a marriage until it becomes a normal habit within a marriage. Slowly, it can chip away at your marriage until you open your eyes one day and there is a huge open crater in your marriage.

In all that we do in our marriage, strive to be God-like as much as humanly possible. I know this is an impossible task, but if we continue to attempt this task, it will become habitual. Once that sets in, then it becomes a part of your everyday life to touch and speak to your spouse only in love. Any other way is not of God.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

Help someone, encourage someone, pray for someone, pray with someone

In Agreement...Prayer...Confirmed!!!

2008-09-18T21:39:00.013-04:00

Matthew 18:19 says...If two of you agree down here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you.

In my last blog I spoke about how my wife and I came into agreement on a situation we were encountering and we both were sure that we would not get the outcome we asked God for. Well as that verse says...if two of you agree and ask God, He will do it for you. Well, He did it for us and He did it when we, earthly vessels, had every doubt that we would not get the outcome we wanted. I learned a huge lesson...don't doubt what God can do. Something that may take man months or years to accomplish, God can accomplish in days or even minutes.

Now I do believe that if my wife and I had not come into full agreement on what we wanted, we would still be sitting in the same situation as before...we would still be pulling in opposite directions, and who knows what would happen.

I am so amazed at what God just did for us and what He is continuing to do to us. Let me share the situation with you. Please bear with me and I will keep it short...

We've had our house on the market for a year and on our way out of town the weekend before last, we got an offer for the house and the potential buyer wanted to close in 2 weeks. We accepted the offer and requested that the closing be pushed out 1 more week...so we would close in 3 weeks. Well, there was one problem now...we, family of 4, needed a place to live in 3 weeks. Now, one would think that we could get an apartment for 6 months or a year (my wife's suggestion). Well, an apartment would not work for me because I am an artist and I need extra space to continue doing my work...just not enough room in an apartment. My suggestion was that we find a home to rent. As you can see, my wife and I at this point are looking in opposite directions; and we only have 3 weeks to find a place to live. That's where this story picks up in my previous blog where God laid it upon my heart that my wife and I needed to be in agreement on this and then we come to Him in prayer and ask Him for what we need. We agreed in the car on the way back home that we wanted to find a home to purchase. We had specifics on what we needed in and around this new home...neighborhood, number of rooms, yard space, and a few other things. It is what I considered an impossible mission. All I could tell my wife was...now that we are in agreement, let's go to God in agreement and ask Him to help us with this situation and then let Him do his thing. Well skip ahead 1 week and skip over the 10 or 11 homes we went out and looked at, we rolled into a very nice neighborhood and walked in a house that had everything we needed. That night, we faxed an offer in that was under the asking price and well under what the home was originally priced at. The following day, the seller accepted the offer. Now here I am thinking that there was no way we would be able to find a house to purchase within 3 weeks, and God presented this house to us in 7 days. That's how God works. He makes the impossible possible.

That's the blessing that I wanted to share and I hope to have my family in our new house within 2 weeks (prayerfully everything will go smoothly leading up to the closing).

I now realize and fully understand Matthew 18:19 and can testify on what it says. I am anxious and anticipating going to God in agreement with my wife on all aspects of our life and allow Him to move in our marriage, family, work, finances, ministry, and everything else. I strongly encourage you to come in agreement with your spouse in any area that you need God's favor and direction. Go to Him in unified prayer and let Him do His thing.

Let me know your thoughts.

Take care and be blessed.

In Agreement...Prayer

2008-09-08T22:45:00.017-04:00

In my last blog, I spoke about becoming a better spouse. One activity stated in the blog to do is "pray with your spouse". I want to touch on this activity for a few lines.

As we (wife, son, and myself) were driving back to Atlanta from an out of town trip, I had an opportunity to do some thinking and meditating (wife and son were sleep) on everything that we have going through in our current lives. As I pondered an important decision that would have to be made within the next few days, I realized that prayer would be needed to help us make it through this decision process. While I consistently pray for guidance and direction from God, I realized that this was something that my wife and I needed to pray about together. At this point, something hit me in regards to my individual prayers and my wife's individual prayers on the situation ...are we in agreement on what we want the outcome of our situation to be? As I thought about this, my spiritual eyes and mind began to open and I realized that my wife and I need to be in agreement with all of our prayers, both individually and collectively.

The biblical verse Matthew 18:19 speaks directly on this principle. It states...If two of you agree down here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. I realized that I needed to talk to my wife about this situation and find out exactly what she expects to happen at the end of the day, and I needed to tell her what I expect to happen when all is said and done. After that, we would need to agree on an outcome that we wanted and expected. Once we agreed, we could then go to God together in agreement and ask for His wisdom, guidance, and favor on our situation.

When my wife woke up, I proceeded to ask her questions on what she thought about things and what she wanted and expected from the situation at hand. I then gave my thoughts and we then agreed on what we wanted out of the situation. Later that night, it was extremely easy and comforting to hold my wife's hands and go to God in prayer expressing to Him our concerns and needs. This is something we rarely do, especially to this extent...being in full agreement and praying together. It was a true lesson learned on praying with my wife...which is to make sure I have completed the prerequisite of being in agreement with my spouse.

I strongly suggest that if you and your spouse are going through any hardships, whether it be relational, spiritual, physical, or financial; take the time to come in agreement with each other on the outcome that you want and expect. Once in agreement, pray to God about it and then let Him do His work.

As always, let me know your thoughts.

Be blessed and talk to you soon.

Learn How to Be a Better Spouse

2008-09-01T22:29:00.003-04:00

Do you think you know all there is to know about being a great husband or being a great wife? If so, please sit down and write out that manual and sell the first copy to me. I don’t think there is anyone living that can rightfully say that they know everything there is to know on being a great spouse. With that being said, every couple in a marriage should be permanently enrolled in the school of marriage. Simply put, couples must strive to learn how to be a better spouse. I would guess that this learning process continues until you leave this earth.

How do you learn to be a better spouse? Well, I can give you my thoughts on that question…and please know that these items are ideas that I follow or that I am trying to follow in becoming a better spouse.

1. Pray. (a) Pray for answers to the many questions that come up in your marriage. Pray for understanding of what marriage is and what marriage is for. Pray for the purpose of your marriage. Pray for increased wisdom within your marriage. Pray for improvements within yourself before praying for improvements within your spouse. Pray for any and everything that you can think of that will improve your marriage. An open relationship with God will allow Him to reveal many of the answers that you will need to improve your marriage and become a better spouse to your significant other. (b) Pray with your spouse. This may be one of the most intimate activities you can have with your spouse. Praying with your spouse may also be one of the most challenging for some…especially if you don’t have a solid personal prayer life established. If you are not completely comfortable with this, make it an extremely short prayer. Take your spouse by the hands and quickly say “Thank you Lord for my spouse and my marriage!” Leave it at that and then make it longer next time.

2. Learn from daily experiences. You and your spouse will go through something each day that may or may not challenge your marriage. It may be small or it may be something big. Regardless of the size of the event, you should make every effort to learn from the event to ensure that you handle the situation better the next time around.

3. Learn from other married couples’ experiences. If possible, it is great to learn from others’ experiences so that you can avoid going through a stressful situation. If you encounter a couple going through a negative period in their marriage, it would be wise to learn from their negative situation so that you don’t go through that same situation in the future. On the positive side, be sure to learn as much as you can from couples that have positive periods occurring in their marriages.

4. Read. While there is nothing better than on-the-job-training, there are many books, articles, and other media that offer very good advice on many marital subjects. One of the best books that give precise instructions on how to have a successful marriage is the Holy Bible. There are specific instructions on how a husband should treat his wife and instructions on how a wife should treat her husband. This book is filled with many accounts of marriages that you can read about and learn from. Additionally, there are other books written by today’s authors that give good insight on maintaining a healthy and loving marriage.

When you said “I DO”, a commitment was made to love your spouse forever. A commitment also should have been made to be the best spouse possible. How do engineers become great engineers?...how do doctors become great doctors?...they go to school to learn the skills to be a great engineer and doctor. When you get married, you become a spouse…something that you have never been before. What are you going to do to learn how to become a great spouse? GO TO SCHOOL!

Let me know your thoughts.

Be blessed and talk to you soon.

To The Wives...Be Noble - Part 2

2008-05-13T21:56:00.011-04:00

In my last post, I spoke of several verses in the last chapter of Proverbs which outlines the character of a noble wife. I was asked to go deeper into my comment regarding verses 11 & 12 which states..."Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life".

Here are my thoughts on these verses. I asked my wife for her hand in marriage approximately 8 or 9 months after we started dating. Once married, there was a major challenge of now growing with each other...trusting each other. I think trust has different levels or can be sectioned in different categories...such as trust with feelings and emotions, trust with money, trust with hopes and dreams, etc. Within each category, the trust level may differ; nonetheless, there is trust there. If I trust my wife in all these categories, then I can have a clear path to enjoying my marriage without a bunch of distractions and concerns coming into the picture. When there is a lack of trust in an area, negative thoughts and feelings have the potential of entering into the mind and eventually the relationship. Once negativity is in the relationship, other areas can become affected which can slow down the growing and maturation of the marriage. Hopes and dreams of the marriage, as well as other areas, are now being hindered or delayed because the two are not on the same page. You may not communicate properly with each other concerning emotions, money, or even personal dreams and aspirations.

Now, having a wife that I can trust allows me to be expressive and be the best husband, father and provider I can be. A few personal examples of this in my marriage are:

1. Money - we had to cover 2 mortgage payments for one year that put a financial strain on our household and marriage. Thru this time period, our trust between each other grew tremendously regarding money and how it is utilized within our household. This experience gave me the assurance that I can trust my wife whole heartedly when it comes to money matters in our marriage. Trust me, having that peace of mind enriches my life a lot :)

2. Dreams, goals, and aspirations - I am in the process of starting a side business selling my artwork, as well as potentially publishing a book in the future. When I told my wife about my goals, she gave me her full support and told me to go for it. While her words were not many, they were meaningful. She did not question or hinder me in any way. Her words were only motivation. Her show of confidence in me gives me that extra push that I need sometimes to keep me striving towards my goal. Of course the potential benefits of the outcome is very attractive to her :)

Nonetheless, knowing that I can trust my wife with these areas in my life and our marriage makes things so much easier in daily life...it enhances life and marriage.

The best thing that a woman can do for a man (and I would say that this is one of the key things that a man wants from his wife) is "To make your man truly feel like a man". This will open up all doors in a marriage and you might be surprised what you get in return. I will leave it at that.

Let me know your thoughts.

Be blessed and talk to you soon.

To the Wives...be Noble

2008-03-14T10:03:00.011-04:00

The Book of Proverbs is a book of the Bible that teaches us about wisdom and discipline. A month or so ago, my wife stated that she was going to read all of Proverbs and really work on understanding the content and she asked me to do the same. Being that I love reading the first few chapters of Proverbs, I have never read the entire book. So I took it on. Upon completing the book, I ran into some interesting scriptures that pinpoints the character of a noble wife. You can find these scriptures in the last chapter of Proverbs (Prov. 31:10-31). I read from the New Living Translation version.

Verse 10 starts off by saying that a wife is "worth more than precious rubies". Wives, you must realize your worth in a marriage; and husbands, you must recognize your wife's worth. I am sure we do recognize this, but we may not acknowledge this as often as we should. Now the next two verses (11 & 12) really caught my attention. It states..."Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life". What more can a husband ask for. For me, that just about sums up what I need and want from my wife...this encompasses every detail in a marriage. The remaining verses go on to give more insight into different aspects of a noble wife. Now of course, some verses appear to speak of actions of that time period; so I challenge you to see how your activities in today's time can relate to the activities mentioned in these verses.

Take a look at it (Proverbs 31:10-31) and let me know your thoughts.

Be blessed and talk to you soon.

Anniversary Celebrations

2008-03-08T16:36:00.026-05:00

I just reached another milestone in my life. As of this past Thursday, 6 March 2008, my wife and I have been married for 4 years. I know you may say that it's only 4 years, but it is another year and that should be considered a milestone and a success. We should always look at each year of our marriage as a success, whether it be 2 years or 40 years of marriage. With so many divorces consistently taking place in our society, we need to celebrate each year so that we can look forward to the next year's celebration.

I have been trying to think of a way to celebrate anniversaries so that we all can show people that marriages do work and that marriage is a gift from God. The idea that I came up with to start this anniversary celebration movement is to have a picture slideshow on this blog site of married couples along with the number of years they have been married. I think that alone will serve as a little inspiration to keep things going...or at least I hope so. With that being said, I need you to send me a nice picture of you and your spouse and let me know how many years you have been married and your anniversary date. If you feel that is too much information, then just send me the picture and I will work to get it celebrated. Please send your pictures to cedricwells7@gmail.com .

Thanks in advance for the celebration.

Be blessed and talk to you soon

The Love Languages - Part Two (1 Mar 2008)

2008-02-22T16:49:00.020-05:00

I want to continue my discussion of the five love languages. If you have not read the previous post which talks about the first two love languages, please do so to get an understanding of the need for knowing your spouse's love language as well as your own love language. Additionally, let me remind you that these 5 love languages are outlined in greater detail in the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. The remaining three love languages being covered are in bold:

1. Words of Affirmation

2. Quality Time

3. Receiving Gifts

4. Acts of Service

5. Physical Touch

Receiving Gifts

This is the love language that most men would think that their wives fall into. While that may be true for a lot of couples, that is not the case for all. I can honestly say that this is not my wife's primary love language; and I am very thankful because she has very expensive tastes. It is easy to think that this love language requires buying items for your spouse and that's it. It is more than that. If this is your spouse's love language, any present or gift given by you will be received as love. The gift is a physical or visual representation of love. Spending money is not a requirement...you can create your own gifts to give to your spouse. Now this requires thought on your part to determine what you can create or purchase (let's say under $20) that your spouse would truly appreciate. When my wife and I first started dating, she surprised me by sending flowers to my job...and this was withing the first 2 weeks of us dating. I was truly surprised and impressed. I wanted to do or give something to her to show my appreciation. I could have easily gone out and spent money on a gift, but instead, I took one of the flowers that was given to me and created a drawing of that flower, framed it, and presented it to her as a gift of appreciation. She loved it. Creativity plays a big role when fulfilling your spouse's need with this love language. Here is something else that can be done that does not require spending alot of money...go and buy 2 or 3 packs of your spouse's favorite snack or dessert and present it in a small gift bag along with a hand-written note expressing your love and appreciation. That should do it! Matter of fact, I need to do that one soon for my wife :) I hope you get the point I am trying to make with this love language. Now please understand that if this is not your spouse's love language, the gifts will be appreciated, but they will not fill the love bucket of your spouse. That can only be done by expressing the true love language of your spouse.

Acts of Service

To me, this is an interesting love language...especially within marriages. To put it as plainly as possible and as Janet Jackson sang years ago...."what have you done for me lately?". Let me run some things off to you: cooking, making the bed, washing dishes, washing clothes, washing the vehicles, vacuuming, mopping, folding clothes, cutting the grass, putting gas in the vehicles, grocery shopping, bathing the kids (infants and toddlers), putting kids to bed,....shall I go on...I hope you get the point. It's not hard to know what to do to fill your spouse's need if this is their primary love language. Now that you know it, you have to do it. 9 times out of 10, if this is your spouse's primary love language, he or she wants you to take care of things around the house. I know this to be the case from first hand experience...and I am being told that I am still not doing enough :) This love language may require the breaking down of stereotypes, especially when it comes to what the man should do and what the woman should do. Some husbands may feel that it is the wife's responsibility to take care of the household and that it is his responsibility to bring home the bacon and pay the bills. Outside of this mentality being that of a 1930-40-50's family...which is not the case today, this mentality must be thrown out if this is your spouse's love language (specifically if this is the wife's love language). If this is the husband's love language, the couple must be careful not to make the wife feel like a maid and unappreciated. Like I said up front, I find this to be a very interesting love language. For this love language, a good practice you can do each day is ask yourself "What can I do for my spouse today to make them feel good?". If you take action on this question, you will be well on your way to giving your spouse all the love that is needed.

Physical Touch

To fulfill this love language, some type of body contact must take place. There is no alternative method around it. To put this in some type of perspective, think of how much joy and warmth you felt as a child when your mom or dad gave you a hug. Did that not make you feel great?...did that not make you feel loved? Well for those of you out there that get this same feeling when your spouse touches you (whether a hug, a kiss, a rub, or sexual intercourse), "physical touch" very well may be your primary love language. If this is something that your spouse consistently does or wants from you, then you should realize the importance of physical touch within your spouse. It is then important to know where, how, and when to provide the physical touches required by your spouse. No two people are alike and each person has special points on their body that burst in emotion when touched by his or her spouse. You need to invest the time to find out these pleasure locations on your spouse. It could be the caressing of the ear, or the rubbing of the calf, or the kissing of the belly...I will stop there because you should get the picture by now. If you are not a touchy feely person and your spouse is, then you must make adjustments in your lifestyle to ensure your spouse is loved. The fact that you don't like being physically touch will not change your spouse's need to be physically touch. You need to make the necessary adjustments in you life to become accustom to physically touching your spouse. Doing this will eliminate future potential marital issues.

All of these love languages require special attention and must be worked on to master. Taking the time to learn and know your spouse's love language is one of the most valuable investments you can put into your marriage. It will ensure that your spouse's love bucket is always filled. If you don't learn your spouse's love language and no actions are taken, then you open the door to all types of potentially negative and sinful situations...

If your spouse is not feeling the love from you in the love language that is needed, then where are they going to get it from? Do what you have to do to make sure that question is never asked.

I will end this with the last paragraph from Part One of this topic:

When you are looking at these love languages, you must determine what your love language is and what your spouse's love language is. I think it is natural for us to attempt to love our spouse in our own love language. This is a big mistake if your spouse does not share the same love language as you. All you are doing is loving your spouse the way that you want to be loved. While you may think you are showing your spouse all the love you have, he or she will not receive what they are looking for because it's in the wrong love language.

Let me know your thoughts.

Be blessed and talk to you soon.

The Love Languages - Part One (10 Feb 2008)

2008-02-01T13:26:00.001-05:00

I want to take time to share something with you that I have found to be very beneficial in my marriage. It is a piece of knowledge about your spouse and yourself that has to be learned. The knowledge that I am referring to is our "love language". This is the language that when expressed/communicated to you, you feel loved and appreciated...you feel the love of your spouse. If your love language is not expressed/communicated to you properly, then you may feel some emptiness because that emotional need is not being fulfilled. And it goes the other way also, if you don't express/communicate love to your spouse the way he or she needs to receive it, then your spouse may not be fulfilled. It is your responsibility as a spouse to know how the other half needs to be loved. Once you know that, then you have to take the steps of showing your spouse LOVE in the language that they understand.

Let's briefly discuss 2 of the 5 love languages that are outlined in the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. They are:

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch

Words of Affirmation

This is the verbal or written praise/appreciation given to you or your spouse. Do you love to hear your spouse say "I love you" or "you look beautiful or handsome"? Or maybe you like to see short love notes expressing feelings of appreciation and love. If you are miserable when you don't receive statements or compliments such as these, then "Words of Affirmation" may be your love language. When it comes to "words of affirmation", it doesn't have to be all about "I Love U's" and "U Look So Good To Me's". Words of affirmation can be as simple as saying to your spouse, "Baby, thank you for cleaning the kitchen tonite" or "Baby, you really put your foot in that Macarroni & Cheese". This love language is simply telling or writing to let your spouse know how you appreciate them or an activity that they have done. I see it as one of the easiest things we can do in our marriage...give your spouse a compliment. Even though it is that simple, many of us may not even do that. If we do, we may not do it enough. Words of affirmation help to build your spouse up. I can honestly say that I do enjoy when my wife tells me that she appreciates me as a husband and a father. To hear that coming from my wife helps to put the icing on the cake when I wonder how I am doing as a father and a husband. My wife's words help affirm that I am ok in those categories. Nonetheless, this is not my primary love language. I score this as my #2 love language.

Quality Time

I may not need to say much on this because the name says it all..."quality time". How much time does your spouse need with you or how much time do you need from your spouse? This means more than just sitting in a room with your spouse watching T.V. This love language requires 100% focus on your spouse or on you. A person with this love language as priority #1 may only need 30 complete minutes a day or even less to fulfill their need. Then again, 1 or 2 hours may be needed to fulfill the love need. Something as little as an intimate conversation could be just the right thing to show love. While intimate conversation is extremely important when spending quality time with your spouse, there are other things that can be done to fulfill the quality time need. One such thing is doing an activity with your spouse that he or she loves. If your spouse loves bowling, then that would be a great quality activity the two of you could do that would provide quality time to your marriage. It will show your spouse that you love and care about the things they enjoy and that you are willing to invest the time to enjoy the activity with them. The activity may be something that you both enjoy which will make it all the better. If this is your spouse's love language, then you must make time in your busy schedule to spend the time with your spouse. Nothing else will fulfill the need that your spouse has.

When you are looking at these love languages, you must determine what your love language is and what your spouse's love language is. I think it is natural for us to attempt to love our spouse in our own love language. This is a big mistake if your spouse does not share the same love language as you. All you are doing is loving your spouse the way that you want to be loved. While you may think you are showing your spouse all the love you have, he or she will not receive what they are looking for because it's in the wrong love language. I hope I am making sense to you on this subject.

In my next posting, I will continue this discussion by covering the remaining 3 love languages...receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. FYI...if your spouse's love language is receiving gifts, please remember to get them a gift for Valentine's Day this week.

Let me know your thoughts on the two love languages discussed in this posting.

Be blessed and talk to you soon.

COMMUNICATION...The Journey - Part 2 (13 Jan 2008)

2008-01-13T00:52:00.001-05:00

Tone. The tone of your voice says a lot when you are communicating with your spouse or with anyone else that you are talking to. I am coming to realize that I can get my point across a lot better by controlling the tone of my voice; and I most definitely receive information better when it is spoken to me in a reasonable and inviting tone. Now I know this is not a perfect world and I don't expect all conversations with my wife to be perfectly orchestrated like a smooth jazz band playing a song. However, I do expect that we work to control our tones when talking to one another no matter what the situation is. This may be harder for some than others. Many may be accustom to an atmosphere where there is consistent negative tones in the majority of their conversations with others. There is no problem with this as long as the other person in the conversation is also accustom to these negative tones. If not, then there will always be a breakdown in communication between the two individuals.

Now bringing this closer to a marriage relationship...let's say that you want your spouse to stop doing a certain thing that completely annoys you...like the man leaving hair in the sink after shaving or the woman leaving fingernail polish somewhere it doesn't belong. Because this may be one of your pet peeves, when it occurs, you probably shout out your displeasure of what your spouse has done. Is your shouting out effective? Did your spouse receive what you were saying? I am sure it was heard, but there is a chance it wasn't received due to the tone in which you were speaking. As couples, we must do all we can to control our tone when speaking with our spouse. Your tone when communicating can turn a potential explosive situation into a mere small encounter with your spouse if properly controlled.

All in all, I just think we need to learn how to talk to one another...husband to wife and wife to husband. In the same way we are careful when talking to people at work, we should be just as careful when we talk to our spouse at home. It is our spouse that we should have the most regard for when speaking to them...showing the utmost respect.

For me, I have thrown out sarcastic remarks to my wife on many occasions...and I know I am wrong. The tone of such remarks are unnecessary...the remarks themselves are also unnecessary. This is something I am working on within myself. We all have to do this. Find that flaw in your communication style and work to improve it. It may take some spiritual and human intervention to get the area corrected.

Take an honest self-evaluation of yourself on how you communicate with your spouse. As you find things that can be improved, make a plan to improve it. Ask your spouse about how you communicate with them, and make a plan to improve any areas that your spouse feels could be improved. I don't see any downsides of doing this. You can only get better.

Let me know your thoughts.

Be blessed and talk to you soon.

COMMUNICATION...the Journey (5 Jan 2008)

2008-01-02T22:32:00.001-05:00

I don't even know where to start. The subject of communication covers so many different areas. To keep things as simple as possible, I thought it would be best to separate this topic into two areas...what I would call conventional and nonconventional communication. I want to talk about the conventional form of communication for now which will include verbal and nonverbal communication. The nonconventional communication can be discussed at a later time which may have to be broken down even further into what is called "Love Languages".

Now let me apologize up front for anything I may say that may rub someone the wrong way. I am a man, and it is already stated that men don't communicate well in marriages. My wife lets me know too often that I fall into this category. Nonetheless, I can honestly say that I am working consistently to improve myself in this area.

The Webster’s Dictionary definition of communication is…"the exchange of ideas, messages, or information, as by speech, signals, or writing". This seems as though it is the simplest thing to do. If so, then how do we get it so wrong? All we have to do is tell our spouse what we need and want to tell them, right? Let’s look at this beginning point…”tell our spouse what we need and want to tell them”. I think this is the first roadblock to poor communication. We don’t tell our spouse what it is that we need and want to tell them for one reason or another. That thought or discussion may be on your mind, but then you forget or think it isn’t important or you just might not want to tell your spouse what is on your mind. Whatever the reason is, it needs to be corrected. If you don’t get past this step, then you will more than likely have a communication problem in your marriage. We all need to make it a practice to say what is on our mind to our spouses.

The next key section I see in the definition is “the exchange”. “Exchange” means to give or receive from another. Therefore it is a two way process…one must give and the other must receive. Just because you say something to your spouse doesn’t necessarily mean they received it. I must confess that this is one of the areas I must improve on (and I am working on it)…receiving everything my wife tells me. Honestly, I just forget some of the things she tells me. A great solution that we came up with is a large monthly calendar that sits on the side of our refrigerator. This is where we put key daily items for the month. This tool has greatly helped a specific area of our communication. I am sure there are many other innovative tools out there that couples use. If you have a unique communication tool that you use with your spouse, please share it with us. Just remember that the goal is to give and receive information between you and your spouse.

Now the next thing I am about to discuss can be a killer when it comes to communication or it can enhance your overall marriage life. That is the “nonverbal”. I consider “body language, the look on your face, and the tone of your voice” the main driving forces behind nonverbal communication. These items can say a lot more to your spouse than words can when communicating. If you look directly in your spouse’s eyes when giving or receiving information from them, then you are showing genuine interest in the conversation. On the other hand, if you are looking at your spouse with a snarl or not looking at all when trying to communicate, you could be relaying harsh nonverbal words to your spouse. Nonverbally, you could be saying “you better not come near me” or “what on earth are you talking about” or “does it look like I am interested in what you are saying”. Just remember that your nonverbal actions can play a much larger role in communicating with your spouse than any words you can say. The old saying is ”actions speak louder than words”…don’t forget that.

Lastly, you have to make time to communicate with your spouse. In today's society, we get bogged down in work, chores, T.V., and any other distractions that are present in the homes. If these areas are not addressed, then they will consume your time and will not give you the total time you need to communicate with your spouse. You and your spouse must make communication time a priority each day. It doesn't have to be 2 or 3 hours...it could be an uninterrupted 30 minutes. While it may not seem like a lot of time, 30 minutes could be more than enough quality time to ensure you and your spouse are exchanging information, messages, and ideas to one another.

I will leave you with this. Your spouse should be your best friend. If that is the case, don't you want to tell your best friend everything that is on your mind and also hear everything that is on your spouse's mind. Make sure you have both the verbal and nonverbal communication channels open to give and receive with your spouse. It will make things go a lot smoother in life.

Let me know your thoughts.

Be blessed and talk to you soon.

2008...The year of New Beginnings

2008-01-02T21:26:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year to All!!! I pray that you had a blessed Holiday Season with family and friends and are now ready to have the most fulfilling and successful year ever. I am going to make every effort to have the year that I know God wants me to have...spiritually, physically, socially, and financially.

Over the holiday season, I took some time to try and figure out what my purpose is on this piece of land we call earth. Well, I figured one thing out...it takes more than a week to determine what your purpose is in life. Nonetheless, I did determine some areas (gifts, talents, and/or resources given by God) that I need to expand in my life that may open doors in determining what my purpose or purposes are in my life. A few of the key areas are "my mind", "my art", and "my relationships". I realize that these are key areas that I must continue to grow throughout my lifetime.

It is said that we only use 10% of our brain's capacity. If that is the case, what is the other 90% doing? I am planning to use at least an additional 1% over the next year to improve my intellect, my common sense, and my overall perception of life and the world we live in. And I pray that I can use a portion of that 1% to become a better husband to my wife. I think we men may have a 350-pound defensive lineman in our brain preventing us from using that additional brainpower to think of new and innovative ways to make our wives happy. Even though our wives may be as happy as they can be, I know there are a million ideas roaming around in our (the husbands) heads that we can do to make our wives even more happier. I am going to try and find a few of those ideas in my head this year. I hope I don't get lost looking for them.

My Art. God gave me the gift/talent of art...drawing, painting, and even singing. I plan to expand or stretch myself in all three of these areas this year. I have ignored a couple of them for quite some time now and I know that God has a purpose for the gifts/talents he has given me. I have to make it happen in 2008.

My Relationships. Well the first one I am focusing on is my relationship with God. That is a relationship I feel that everyone reading this should focus on...no matter what level you feel you are on with God. There will always be room for improvement until the day we leave this earth...might as well start now since tomorrow is no guarantee. Next relationship is with my wife. I won't even start listing the areas that I know I need to improve on with this one. All I will say is that I going to give my all to develop and expand this relationship. Then comes my family...immediate and extended. The hustle and bustle of life sometimes takes a lot of time away, causing time to be lost with keeping up with family. I am not talking about anything drastic, but it may be drastic for some people out there. As a goal, let's take the time to reach out to family members periodically to see how things are going in their lives. The same goes for friends. It is my goal to make time to build and make stronger relationships with my friends, both old and new. There is something to be gained on both ends when you have strong relationships.

My pastor and my spiritual mother (also a pastor) stated that 2008 is the year of new beginnings. Let's make it that...a new beginning. Leave all the negative aspects of your life in 2007. Let 2008 be your new beginning...especially in your marriage. Let this be a year of growth in your marriage, a year of understanding in your marriage, a year of ever increasing love in your marriage. I know I am throwing out some big challenges, but I have to hype myself up to really get this year going. I hope you are doing the same.

Let me know your thoughts.

Be blessed and talk to you soon.

"There's Nothing Perfect About It"

2007-11-30T00:24:00.001-05:00

I took a trip last week to Colorado and I must say that I didn’t know Colorado had that much of nothing out there…almost as bad as driving from San Antonio to El Paso in Texas. Nonetheless, as I was driving back to my hotel in Colorado Springs, I had to pull over on the side of the road to stop and look at a breath-taking view of the sun going down just behind a small range of mountains. It was so nice I actually pulled over three times. Don’t worry, the road was so desolate, I could have stopped the car in the middle of the highway and still have no concerns with any traffic. Anyway, after I stopped the third time, I questioned myself as to why I continued to stop just to look at this scene…and that is when the words came out of my mouth…”There’s Nothing Perfect About It”. When I said these words, it completely threw me off because I knew at that point God was telling me something. There I was amazed at this sunset in the middle of nowhere that God had put together with different colors in the sky, all types of clouds streaming in all directions, trail traces of aircraft flying in the sky, and an uneven, jagged edged mountain range sitting off in the distance. Even though I said to myself “there’s nothing perfect about it”, it was beautiful…a beautiful creation by God.

Then He laid it on me. This is the same type of situation we have with a marriage. Like the errant clouds, the husband may think one way and the wife another way. Like the mountain range, everything won’t always be smooth within the marriage…it will have it’s ups and downs…mistakes will be made...your spouse may do something that to don't agree with. Throughout all of this, which clearly shows that marriage may not be perfect, it is still a beautiful creation by God and to God.

We as couples need to realize the beauty of our marriages despite the imperfections that may be included. It is these imperfections that God uses to create a masterpiece of work we call marriage. Just think about it, if you were to paint a picture with every line, shape, and color perfect, I honestly think the picture would be dull and uninteresting. Me being an artist, I know how little mistakes or mess-ups in pieces of art add character and make the artwork even more alluring to look at. That’s the beauty of marriage; while it may not be perfect, it is still beautiful.

As you go about your daily/weekly routine, take some quality time to look at your marriage. Look at all the different aspects of your marriage and your spouse. Look at the ups and downs that you have encountered over the years, and look at how you made it through those rough times. If you are going through tough times right now, have faith that you will make it out of this rough period in due time. All of these instances are the different parts of your marriage that have and will come to produce a beautiful masterpiece.

As always, please feel free to add any comments/insights that you may have.

Be blessed and talk to you later.

Letting Go of "Anger"

2007-11-29T01:10:00.002-05:00

We are married. We won’t always agree. We are going to get angry at each other. How long are you going to be angry at me?

This is something that I always try to avoid if at all possible…anger within my household. Unfortunately, it is unavoidable. If someone has developed a solution on avoiding this, please share it with us. Being that husband and wife are almost guaranteed to get mad at each other, what must we do to ensure this anger does not last? I know the Bible says not to let the day end with anger on your heart (my interpretation of Ephesians 4:26), but is it not hard to let go when the person you are angry with is lying next to you? Honestly, I tend not to let my anger go into the next day. How? I normally pray, and pray hard, shortly after the anger has truly set in. Normally it may take a couple of hours for me to realize I need to pray about the situation. I normally realize this when I can’t concentrate on anything else I am suppose to be doing…especially when I am at work. By the time I lay my head down, I am good and I can wake up the next morning ready to give my wife a loving, honest kiss and move on with my day. I know I have only been married 3 years, but I hope this practice that I have will not change over the years to come.

There are some other motivations that help me let go of anger. I tend to ask myself, what if I don’t wake up the next morning? Would I want to leave my wife on a bad note? Or what if on my way to work, I am in an accident and God decides it’s my time to join Him…or I am injured where I can’t speak anymore? These are all possible things that very well could happen because we are not promised the next day. Then I think about what it is I am angry about and is it even worth the effort of being angry…especially for a long period of time. Now for some people anger may just be something that is a part of their life…as though they enjoy being angry. For those people, I don’t know what to say…I'll pray for you :)

I tend to think that time will keep ticking and time will be wasted with my spouse if we continue to stay angry at each other for days at a time. I know I am talking days of anger, but there may be couples out there working on months of anger with each other. I would say that you need to communicate with each other to determine what the heck the problem is that led to this long term anger. You want to determine this cause before anger becomes the cause of something else in your marriage to go astray (my interpretation of Ephesians 4:27). Once you determine the cause, learn from it…learn how to avoid or prevent the situation in the future so that the anger will not creep back into your marriage.

I know I am not getting deep into this subject...just want to scratch the surface. I hope this will cause some to start thinking about the small things as well as the big things that have caused anger to creep into your marriage. For those small things, don't let stubbornness keep you angry for no reason. Let it go and move on. For the big things, take the time to figure it out. Bring in another couple that you trust to serve as a mediator...someone you both can vent to and they won't be bias one way or another. Talking it out may be just the medicine needed to get past the situation.

Be blessed and talk to you later.

Overcoming "INFIDELITY"

2007-11-29T00:25:00.001-05:00

This is a topic that I pray I never have to deal with. Unfortunately, there are many couples that have dealt with this, are dealing with this, and will deal with this in the future. I think this may be one of the top items on every couples’ list that would prompt them to start thinking/talking “I’M LEAVING!”. I know it would be on my mind if it occurred in my marriage. The question is, what steps can couples take to make it through this?

The following comments are my personal opinion. Being that I am not an expert on this, if you are in a situation involving infidelity, I would strongly recommend seeking marriage counseling with a marriage counselor (doctor, specialist, pastor, spiritual advisor, etc.) in your city or town that you live.

I am sure when infidelity occurs, there is major damage with “trust” in the relationship. While it may appear that this trust is gone and will never come back, I am a believer that this trust can be restored. How long this will take is dependent on the couple and the willingness/determination to make the marriage last. And I must say the couple’s faith in God will also determine how things go with the restoration.

Though painful, I feel it would be beneficial to understand why the infidelity occurred. With this, husband and wife must be brutally honest with each other…completely transparent with all feelings and thoughts. If this transparency does not occur, then true healing will not take place…the band-aid will be on, but the wound will still be open underneath. You need to come to an understanding of what feelings or activities caused this to happen; and then determine what steps need to be taken to ensure those feelings/activities never enter into your marriage again. In this understanding, you may uncover wounds/damage from the past…from previous relationships or even back to childhood or teenage years. It is very important to understand this.

Now for the person that committed the infidelity, if you want to save your marriage, I feel you must first “repent”…apologize to God for your actions and ask for His forgiveness. Your marriage is a covenant with God, and stepping outside of that covenant is basically cheating on God. Additionally, ask for the strength to forgive yourself. If you don’t forgive yourself, then you cannot expect anyone else to forgive you. It will be more bearable to move forward once you have forgiven yourself. Secondly, apologize to your spouse and ask for her forgiveness. I am almost sure you will have to do this more than once…and do not expect your spouse to forgive you immediately. Next, be prepared to tell your spouse everything that is asked of you. You have to build your spouse’s trust back up and being truthful is the only path you should take. Also, be open to counseling to help you with any negative issues taking place in your life that may be affecting your marriage. Please, please, please don’t let “pride” get in the way of this restoration process. Let your spouse be your help-mate in dealing with any issues going on in your life that may have led to the infidelity. This will assist in regaining your spouse’s trust and will help heal your marriage. With prayer, patience, and true humbleness, allow God to work.

For the person that was on the other end of the infidelity, go to God and ask for the strength to “forgive” and “trust again”. You must have forgiveness deep down in your heart. You may not know how to reach that forgiveness in your heart and that is where God comes in. Only He can help you to forgive your spouse and help you restore trust with your spouse. I know this won’t be easy…it may be one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do in your marriage. As I stated above to the other spouse, please don’t let “pride” get in the way. Yes you are the victim, but pride will hinder true healing and will lead you in the wrong direction. Be sure to let your spouse know your feelings and get them all out. Ask all questions to your spouse you have concerning the reasons which led to the infidelity. It is important that you know everything so that nothing is left uncovered. As stated above, I feel that counseling is a must…you need help to get through this. With prayer, patience, and true forgiveness in your heart, allow God to work.

I know this is and will be a lot harder than any words that can be stated on paper or online. If there is anyone that has gone through infidelity in your marriage and you and your spouse have overcome the event, please provide any insight on how you made it through. This is a big issue that occurs in many marriages and we need to know how to prevent it from leading to a destroyed marriage.

Be blessed and talk to you later.

Giving Thanks

2007-11-19T13:30:00.001-05:00

Each year during the holiday Thanksgiving season, I think about all the things that I am thankful for...as I am sure everyone else does. In addition to being thankful for my wife, I also give thanks for family (immediate & extended) and friends. When you marry, you marry your spouse and marry into a new family and a new network of friends. I feel that I must be thankful for the healthy friendships that my wife has maintained that I am now a part of. These are relationships that have help to make my wife the person she is today and the person she is to me. Without her family and friends (old and new), I would not have the woman that I am married to. On the reverse side, I thank all of my family and friends (old and new) for helping, coaching, and encouraging me to be the man and husband I am today.

As you sit at that dinner table to dig in to all that food on Thanksgiving Day, be sure to give thanks to all who have made an impact on your life...and then enjoy some football :)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Be blessed and talk to you soon.

"Would you like to go to the movies or maybe dinner?"

2007-11-13T21:18:00.001-05:00

I received an email from my cousin a couple of days ago and he mentioned that he and his wife went on a date this past weekend. That caught my attention because my wife and I also went on a date this past weekend...a movie and dinner. It was one of the few times that we get to spend alone time together. Why? Kids! While children are a true blessing, they are one of the many things that occupy our time and hinder couples from spending that needed alone time together. Other things that may hinder time together could be work, school, outside organizations, T.V., friends, family, and even church activities. It is very important to spend that time with your loved one...just the two of you. As my wife tells me...it's not a date if there are children with us.

What's the importance of it? It allows you to keep that initial spark that the two of you had when you first started dating. It allows you to appreciate your spouse all over again...to have fun, or at least I hope you have fun and you are not at each other's throats during the entire date. For me, it allows the opportunity to talk to my wife without any interruptions, and it forces us to communicate. I'm not saying that we don't communicate when we are home with the kids; but when you are at a table sitting across from each other, there is nothing between or on the side of you that will interrupt what you have to say to each other. It's almost like we are more at ease, calm, and open with each other when we are on a date...as though my wife's mind is clearly focused on me and what I have to say (she's not thinking about work or anything else). It goes the other way also. I am clearly focused on my wife and attentive to everything she says. It is a great getaway, because once back home, the distractions will be there and then I may only pay attention to 25% of what my wife is saying. Just kidding!

Now I must say that I don't ask my wife out on dates as much as I should. I am to blame for that, but when we do go out, I love it...whether it be for 2 hours for 4 hours, 2 or 5 times per month. My challenge is to include more dates into our relationship. It is very hard these days due to schedule, but where there is a will, there is a way. One idea that I have is to meet up for quick lunches during the week whenever possible. That alone is a great challenge. I know this may not pertain to those couples without children or the more seasoned couples that have all their children (grown) out of the house. My question to the seasoned couples is, what type of dates did you go on when your kids were younger and at home?...what other activities did you do together as a couple without the kids?

To all couples, how often do you go on dates?...twice a month?...10 times a month? What is the right number? I guess that depends on your family situation. The more children, less time...less children, more time. The key appears to be to make time regardless of your family situation. I think you run the risk of losing touch with each other if you don't spend this alone time with each other.

What are your thoughts?

Be blessed and talk to you later.

"What Do I See In My Spouse?"

2007-11-08T22:31:00.001-05:00

Hmmm?...Is this a trick question?...What do I see in my Spouse?

As i pondered this question today, many thoughts popped into my head. My initial thought was "a beautiful, fine woman"...which is very true. But then I thought about the question again..."what do i see IN my spouse?". To truly answer this question, I have to look not only at the external attributes of my wife, but also look at the internal attributes as well...the mental, the spiritual, the heart. I am happy to say that in my spouse, I see a true woman with a lot of heart and passion for life, a passion to help people when they are in need, a compasionate person, and a woman with enough spunk to fill several 40 gallon drums. I also see a woman with dreams and I see the determination in her to make her dreams a reality. All of this from a city girl from Brooklyn, NY.

These are the items that truly matter the most to me when it comes to me loving my wife. I won't sit here and lie, the external attributes are important and I thank God for allowing me to find my wife. Hey, I am a man and like every other man in this world...we are a "visual" species. Nonetheless, as a man, I could not, cannot, and will not base the love for my wife on the external features I see. None of us should. There are no guarantees that the external features will last...matter of fact, it's only a matter of time before those external features fade away, or let me say that the external features will become "wise" (as we all get older in age). Even though the external features will change over time, the internal attributes within all of us can remain the same 40 or 50 years later in life. I feel this is the importance of knowing what you see IN your spouse and ensuring that you love what you see IN your spouse; so that when the two of you are 75 years old, you are still in love with each other just as much as when you were 30 years old. I know that my wife will still have the same vigor and spunkness for life when we are old and gray; and that will continue to drive my love for her.

"What do I see in my spouse?" is an evolving question. While you see some great things in your spouse right now, you may be seeing a small fraction of what's on the inside of your spouse. As years of love and enjoyment of each other go by, you will likely see more and more of the internal attributes that make up your spouse...some good and maybe some bad. Whatever it may be, the sharing of these attributes between the two of you is what will make your marriage stronger and more meaningful.

I sometimes look at my wife (she would say that I stare) and she always ask with her Brooklyn attitude "what are you looking at?". I kindly respond with a "nothing". Many times I am looking at her to see what I see in her; and I am not saying that in a negative way. I am trying to learn more about my wife; I guess I am studying her, searching for more information on how my wife ticks, trying to analyze her. I must say that my wife is a complex person, as I am sure we all are. It is my enjoyment in knowing that I will continue to learn more and see more in my wife as the years go by in our marriage. We should all take comfort in knowing that we will learn and see more in our spouse as the years go by, therefore keeping the excitement and interest in the marriage.

I anticipate that when my wife and I are in our 70's and I ask myself "what do i see in my spouse", the answer will be "I See Myself", because we will have grown into one unified being as a married couple.

Be blessed and talk to you later.

Marriage - What is it's Purpose?

2007-11-05T22:15:00.001-05:00

This is a question that I think many husbands and wives ask themselves alot. I think this is a healthy question that you should always ask yourself. Another way of phrasing the question, as stated in Tyler Perry's blockbuster hit, "Why Did I Get Married?". Asking yourself this question gives you the opportunity to gauge your marriage...allows you to reevaluate your marriage...take the pulse of your marriage. Whenever I ask myself this question, I normally get some of the same answers everytime...companionship, love for the person, the want and desire to have a family (to be fruitful and multiply).

I feel the main purpose of marriage is for companionship. In the beginning, God stated that man should not be alone, and he create woman so that the man could have a companion. I know you might think sometimes that you could be better off being single (women say "I can do bad by myself") ...especially if you are a newlywed. But you must ask yourself, how would things be better if my spouse were not in my life? For me, I would be miserable...and I still consider myself a newlywed (+3 years of marriage). Whenever I have to travel out of town on business, I can't tell you the number of nights I sit in the hotel room wanting to be lying with my wife. Oh, and don't let her go out of town...I am at home wondering when is my baby coming back home. Even though we have two children to keep us occupied when the other is away, there is nothing like having my companion by my side.

I feel another key purpose of marriage is for the expression of love. I know you may be saying that you can love anyone or anything. This is true. You can love a lot of people and things...your parents, your children, a dog, a cat, a car, a house, or whatever else you choose to love. However, you cannot express the type of love that is meant for a spouse with any of the people or items mentioned above. In other words, you cannot be intimate with any of them...or at least I hope you aren't :) To me there is no greater feeling than being able to be intimate with my wife. While everything in a marriage may not be perfect, it is enjoyable. To me, marriage is a blessing that God gives my wife and I to enjoy each other, to express our love to each other in many ways specific only to the two of us (another future topic for discussion will be Love Languages).

All in all, I feel that the purpose of marriage is to bring happiness into two people's lives. As the Biblical scripture states "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure and receives favor from the Lord" -Proverbs 18:22. Marriage is a treasure hunt with your spouse being the treasure. Even though your treasure is sitting directly in front of you, you can only see or may have only been exposed to a small portion of your treasure. There is an enormous amount of treasure and riches waiting to be found within your spouse. You have to continue to look and search for those hidden treasures within your spouse. And each time you find a hidden treasure within your spouse, or even within yourself or your marriage, you will be amazed and your marriage will continue to grow. The thing I like about it, I anticipate that this treasure hunt in marriage will last forever...therefore causing neverending growth and love with your spouse...and for me, with my wife.

Be blessed and talk to you later.

Purpose of "Our Happy Marriage"

2007-11-04T23:14:00.001-05:00

I would like to welcome you to my blog. The purpose of this blog is to educate, motivate, encourage, and inspire marriages around the world. In today's world, marriages are faced with many challenges...no communication, no intimacy, wide-spread adultery, and even divorce. I want to highlight the positives within marriage. While we all know that no one is perfect, and no marriage is perfect; we can all strive to have as close to a perfect marriage as possible.

As we start this communication journey together, I plan to discuss topics that weight heavy on my mind and heart; and I also would like to discuss items that you may have on your mind and heart. I want this to be an open forum that all can benefit from; regardless of your race, religion, age, or number of years of marriage. Please share your experiences and state how the good and bad experiences have made your marriage stronger. Your good or bad experience may be just the thing that someone else reading it needs to make it through...to make their marriage work. This is my purpose.

Please feel free to post comments on topics that you would like to discuss and we can add it to the topics listing for discussion. When posting your comments, if you would say what state or country you are from, it would be greatly appreciated.

Let's have some fun and let's show the world that we have strong marriages.

Talk to you soon!